Echoes of You
by CarolynneRuth
Summary: Juliet had to stop Edmund Burke taking control of her medical cure and selling it to the highest bidder so she did the first sensible thing she had done in years, she called the cops.    Detective James Ford was a most unexpected surprise.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I swear I had no intentions of going here again but this little idea for a story popped into my head and I thought I would go with it and see how it turned out. Some things do cross over from my other stories, hard to stop that when I've written so much about these two characters which I can't seem to stop writing about despite the fact that I feel like I've written all I can for these two! But, well, here I am at it again.**

**Many thanks to Eyeon who convinced me to upload this chapter.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 1. First Impressions<strong>

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><p>Her eyes were the most vivid blue he had ever seen. Like the azure ocean blue on a warm winter's day, crystal clear, sparkling; beautiful. Eyes he could get lost in. It was the first thing he had noticed about her. Those eyes, sure he'd seen them in another life time, perhaps. If he believed in such things, he didn't. She was a regular plain Jane alright, the second thing he noticed about her. Loose, ill fitting clothes, hair dragged back into a bun, not a scrape of make-up on her face.<p>

"That's Juliet Burke," Miles said alongside him as they stopped at the entrance to the meeting room, where she stood, waiting for them.

Somehow or another he had expected her to look different.

"Juliet this is Jim Ford."

She stepped forward, shook his hand.

"Hello Jim." A slight hesitant smile crossed her face.

"Juliet," he returned, the name rolling of his tongue, like he'd uttered that name a million times before _weird_.

"Let's sit down," Miles suggested, pushing the door open.

They moved to the table, James pulled out a chair for her.

She raised an eyebrow.

"I'm from the South," he shrugged.

"Well that explains it then," she quipped and sat down.

He sat opposite and his eyes rested on her face. Edmund Burke's ex-wife, hard to imagine it, she didn't seem the type to hook up with a slime ball like him. She seemed smarter than that given her no nonsense appearance. He knew she was a fertility doctor, some important top notch medical researcher, high up in her field too, well respected and admired. She had been working in partnership with Edmund Burke on finding a treatment for infertility, and she had found a cure. Impressive, though somewhat controversial but Edmund had had other plans, of the illegal kind, had already put them into process implicating her along the way and as a result she had contacted the police. He and Miles had been assigned to the case. So far Miles had done most of the leg work and this was the first time he'd seen or had anything to do with Juliet Burke.

"So you're willing to rat out your ex-husband?" he asked getting straight to the point.

What was her motive? Sure she wanted to maintain her good standing record but she could simply pull out of the research project, couldn't she? Why hadn't she? Then there was the money she could make if she went along with Edmund.

Her face was cool, collected, the ice maiden Edmund Burke called her, according to work colleagues, but who'd take his word for anything?

"I'm willing to do what I have to in order to protect my research," she replied, hands clasped together in her lap, "and to be blatantly honest here Detective Ford but my ex-husband is an ass of the lowest possible kind."

Her voice was calm, but direct and strangely soothing. She was well spoken. It was at odds with her dowdy appearance.

Edmund Burke, from what they had investigated on him was all about himself, driven by an almost obsessive need for glory and recognition among his peers, irrespective of who he brought down in the process. Obviously Juliet wasn't going to be one of them if she had her way and had given them inside information of what Edmund Burke was about to do. But so far his ex-wife had said very little about his character, until now.

"He's highly intelligent, dangerous and very clever," she continued, her eyes skimming over him, making him feel uncomfortable, like he didn't measure up to her expectations.

"If you are going undercover you need to be convincing because Edmund Burke is no fool Detective Ford."

He met her direct gaze.

"Call me Jim."

"And quite frankly Detective," she continued, "you really don't look like the type to pass for a research assistant."

Talk about being straight down the line. He gritted his teeth. Maybe Edmund was right about the ice maiden tag after all.

"All due respect ma'am," he began, hell if she wanted to be formal then so be it, "but I'm pretty adept at fitting a role when I have to."

And what was it to her? He wasn't about to be told by some fertility doctor, what the hell she know about what he did? Leaning forward in his seat, his eyes bored into hers. "You just tell me what I gotta do and I'll do it."

She didn't blink at all, the ice maiden. That term really was fitting for her. Again her cool gaze wandered over his face, resting on his hair.

"You could start with looking less hot," she suggested, a ghost of a smile hovering on her lips. Oh so maybe she had a sense of humour too.

Miles made a guffaw sound. "Trying to make Jim look less hot, that should be interesting."

James felt annoyed. And why was the ice maiden looking at him as if somehow that wasn't possible? He'd show her, glared at Miles, him too.

"How hard can that be?" he muttered, looking straight at Juliet.

God those eyes how could she have the most amazing eyes he'd ever seen when she was so drab?

"So when do we start the training?" he asked.

"Tonight, if you're free?"

He wasn't, was supposed to be taking Paige out for dinner. And he knew where he'd rather be and it wasn't spending the evening with Juliet Burke but he had to admit to being slightly curious about her and this whole medical research case. Though he couldn't figure out why? However it was a rather unusual case that had caught his interest but basically all they had to go by was her word against Edmund Burke's and a few dodgy documents, hence the decision for him to work undercover alongside her to find out what he could. They needed concrete evidence. If Juliet was correct then Edmund Burke was about to commit a federal offence for selling medical breakthrough knowledge, half mine she had had stated, to another country without food and drug administration approval. She could testify to that.

"You could also stand to make a lot of money too," James had pointed out, "if you agreed to his plans so why didn't you? What's in it for you Juliet if you testify against him?"

Again that icy cool gaze met with his. "This isn't about money detective."

His eyes searched her face, for what? He couldn't fathom her. What did he expect to see there?

"I don't want to be associated with him, I don't want criminal charges pressed against me," she said, in that direct matter of fact way of hers, her gaze steady as a rock, "my work is my life."

He had no doubt, saw she spoke the truth. And he wanted to help, though he wasn't sure why.

It shouldn't take long. Sure he could pretend to be a research assistant for a few weeks, should be a real straightforward job, right? How hard could it be? As for Paige and their date, he'd just have to tell her he was working on a case. Maybe he could call by her house later that night? He leaned back in his chair and looked into her cool gaze.

"Just give me a time and address."

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><p>Juliet poured herself a glass of wine, her eyes coming to rest on her sister. Rachel was sitting on the recliner chair, looking content and happy. Juliet envied her. When was she last content? She was cursed, was sure and felt the bitterness return, her everyday companion.<p>

"No more drinking days for you," Juliet declared as she sat down on the sofa.

Rachel smiled. "I can live without it." The smile was soon replaced by a frown.

"It's a bit early for it don't you think?"

Juliet glanced at the clock on the wall. Four in the afternoon, normally she was never home much before eight in the evenings but after leaving the police station an hour ago she hadn't felt like going into work. Besides she had told Detective Ford to come to her house at seven. No point in going to work for just an hour or two.

She had felt strangely restless after leaving the station and decided to call in on her sister. Taking a sip of wine her thoughts drifted to him, Detective Jim Ford. When she was told about having a detective work undercover with her she had imagined someone totally different to him. Someone more like Miles Straume, someone ordinary looking and well Jim Ford was totally gorgeous. Not that it mattered to her because she was immune to men, hated them all, totally jaded and happily so. No more men for her, no Edmund had put her off them for life. But she still knew a good looking man when she saw one and well for a moment there, when she had shook his hand, there was a tingling in her fingers, a slight increase in her heart rate when she gazed into his eyes. Impossible, when was the last time she'd felt that? That rattled her, just slightly but she soon regained her cool composure. But Jim Ford posing as a research assistant, really, it was almost laughable.

"You think I'm doing the right thing by exposing Edmund?" she spoke aloud and looked into Rachel's concerned gaze. "It could get ugly."

"He deserves it Juliet," Rachel stated emphatically, "you can't let him get away with stealing your research and not to mention all the other things he's stolen from you."

Juliet didn't need to ask what? Rachel knew all of the grim truth, the only person who did and the last thing she wanted was to be remembering any of it.

"If there is a way to bring that bastard down then why not?" Rachel continued, her eyes darkening.

Juliet had reasoned this within herself for weeks now. It had taken all of her nerve to contact the police department. Miles Straume had visited her, spoken to her and other colleagues. They hadn't wanted to arouse Edmund's suspicion though. Miles had suggested maybe to get someone to work undercover for a few weeks alongside her, try to get some evidence and she had readily agreed. But she really hadn't expected Jim Ford. So what if he was good looking, all that really mattered was if he could pull it off or not and he really did seem to have his nose put out of joint when she'd told him he didn't look the part. That made her smile and she stared reflectively into her wine glass.

It's just there was something about him, something she couldn't put her finger on and it unsettled her in ways she could not explain. Sighing she took another sip of her wine.

"You created this miracle Juliet," Rachel spoke breaking the silence, her hand resting on her stomach, "me pregnant when I shouldn't be, not Edmund Burke, don't you dare let him steal this from you."

Rachel's eyes sparked with anger. And she was right but it wasn't that simple. Nothing ever was, least not when it came to Edmund Burke.

Juliet shook her head. "I might not have any choice Rachel."

She knew Edmund far too well, knew he'd probably win but this time she wouldn't go down without a fight. And if by chance she did win then she could finally put the whole misery that made up the last five years of her life behind her and maybe, just maybe move on. Until then she was in limbo caught up in this vicious cycle of lies and deceit.

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><p>Juliet eyed her reflection in the mirror critically. Sometimes she just no longer recognised herself. Whatever happened to that happy go lucky girl she had once been and who replaced her with this bitter, sad woman?<p>

Her mother had been in fine form last family get together.

"_Juliet honey but you really are looking a bit peaky and drab lately, you work too hard."_

Work was her only salvation, her life which is why she couldn't let Edmund get away with selling it to the highest bidder, as she had pointed out to Detective Ford.

"_I know the divorce was ugly and messy but that was two years ago now, time to move on don't you think?"_

She had sat there numbly, not knowing what to say. How could she move on after everything that had happened to her?

"_You're only young still, just 31, your might want to find another man …"_

She had laughed at that. _"I doubt it mom."_

Her mother had folded her arms, given her that stern look she knew all to well.

"_Okay maybe you feel that way now but it won't last."_

Juliet had just given her mother a patient look and felt like saying that after what Edmund had done to her there was no possible way she would ever be getting with another man. She could never trust another man!

"_What about children?"_

"_You've heard of in vitro fertilization haven't you mom?"_

Her mother hadn't looked impressed and Juliet had felt bad. Wasn't her mother's fault she married an ass for a husband.

"_What did he do to you?"_ she had whispered and Juliet ignored the sharp sudden pain in her chest.

_Something that can never be fixed_, she had muttered inwardly. There were just some things she could never talk about, some things that should be left forgotten and buried.

The doorbell chiming broke her out of reverie. She ran a hand over her face. It was seven and it had to be Jim Ford. She gave herself the once over and pulled her shirt down over her hips, frowing at her plain black trousers.

Jim Ford, a research assistant, ha, she mused as she made her way down the corridor. Not likely. Least he was punctual. Pulling the door open she gazed at the man standing on her doorstep and it took a moment for her to figure out who he was.

"Juliet Burke," he drawled and she knew that accent in a heartbeat.

"Detective Jim Ford," she returned.

Wow, he looked different. His too longish hair parted to the side, tucked behind his ears, brushing the collar of his plain blue shirt, tucked into beige trousers and she had to stifle a grin. The glasses really topped it off, black rimmed old coke bottle style glasses, how could he see anything wearing them.

"Are they for real?" she asked.

He grimaced. "Yeah well I generally wear contact lenses."

She could see why.

"Blind as a bat without them," he continued.

"How did you get into the police force with such lousy eyesight?"

He grinned then, looking far too gorgeous. "I cheated."

She was stumped, didn't know what to say. Okay so he had a really cute smile, so what.

"You drink beer?" he asked holding up a six pack.

Did she ever! Maybe this night wouldn't be such an unpleasant experience after all.

"Yes."

His smiled widened. "Great."

"Come inside," she said taking the six pack of beer from him, "I'll put these in the fridge."

He followed her into the kitchen, taking in his surroundings and she could tell this was a guy who didn't miss a thing.

"Nice place," he remarked.

God he really did look different in those clothes, and those glasses really didn't do him any justice but he was still far too gorgeous. She doubted anything could dent that.

"I have to confess I was wrong," she spoke, her eyes coming to rest on his face, "you kind of got the research assistant nerdy look happening a lot more effectively than I thought you would Detective."

His eyes met hers.

"Why don't we do away with the formalities Juliet," he returned, "after all we are going to be working alongside each other for the next couple of weeks it wouldn't do for you to be calling me Detective now, would it?"

He had a point. She felt her face reddened a tad. Did he always have to look at her so directly? For a moment it felt like he could see straight through her.

"Okay so what should I call you then?" she asked, raising an eyebrow, "not Jim I hope."

"James," he added, "you can call me James."

Juliet ignored the buzzing in her ears. James. James. Where had she heard that name? Okay it was a common enough name, but did she know any James? God it was odd but up until now she hadn't even realised how much she liked that name.

"James," she said, the name slipping off her tongue so smoothly.

An expression she couldn't define crossed his face.

"Sounds right coming from you," he murmured as if it shouldn't, as if that thought bothered him.

She tore her gaze away from his.

"Let's get a beer, sit down and discuss business."

Juliet was straight down to business, straight down the line. He hadn't met a woman so efficient, so emotionally shut down. It shouldn't bother him. Hell he didn't even know her but it did. His gaze had scanned the living room for any photos but there was none. He knew she had family so why were there no photos around? It got him wondering if a person actually even lived here because the place hardly looked lived in. Miles had told him she was a workaholic. Strangely enough he understood that. He kind of lived for his work himself. Something he had in common with the ice maiden. His eyes came back to rest on her.

She was smart, too smart and at times he picked up a dry witty sense of humour about her that made her appear less drab, less austere and more alive. But those glimpses were rare and hell she could drink for a woman. He had to remind himself that she was in fact a woman, because her choice of clothes was really bad. She was wearing tracksuit pants and a long brown oversized top that did little for her pale reflection or figure. He couldn't tell what that was like. It didn't help that her hair was pulled back tightly into a bun, not even a stray hair out of place and it would probably be a pretty enough blonde colour if she'd let it loose.

Why did she dress so drab? Was it her aim to make herself appear as unattractive as possible?

By the end of the night he came to the conclusion that her ex must have done a real number on her to make her like that; emotion less, distant, drab, cold, and completely unfeminine. And it shouldn't bother him at all right, so why did it? But he'd also sensed something more, there was something more to her, a hint of humour, even sassy at times, a hint of what she might have been, once before.

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><p>He visited Paige after leaving Juliet's. She was all pouty at first, wanted to know why he was dressed so weirdly and those glasses, they had to go. He soon sweet talked her around and they made love and he ran his hands over her perfect figure, grabbed handfuls of her long soft silky hair, gazed into her perfectly made up face and somehow or another found himself not wanting to be there.<p>

He put it down to tiredness. Told her he had to get up early tomorrow, which was the truth. He was meeting Juliet at the research lab at 7.00am. Well before Edmund arrived so she could get him a lab coat and a name badge made up and give him a rundown of all the lab equipment and what function it served.

He went home and slept and dreamt about a girl with deep sky blue eyes that sparkled with life and love, and he wanted to hold onto her and never let go.

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><p><strong>AN: Thanks for reading. Should I continue with this for a couple more chapters? Let me know. I've already written quite a lot on this story. Feedback is VERY welcome. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews to date! They really did make my day.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2. <strong>

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><p>Juliet woke up feeling like death. She had drank far too much last night, finishing off a bottle of wine after James had left and sitting there thinking about him. What it was about him that struck at some half buried forgotten feeling she couldn't grasp. In the end she came to the conclusion that what she felt was a sad sort of longing but for what? It was weird. And she had, for a brief moment, felt strangely alive when he was there. That was weird too because she avoided any male company if she could help it. So as to why she felt comfortable enough in his presence was odd.<p>

But she didn't want to think about James Ford if she could help it. She ran a hand through her tangled hair, pushed the bed covers aside and dragging herself out of bed she made her way to the bathroom. What she needed was a nice long hot shower to wake her up.

She stood under the steaming hot water, eyes closed. God she felt blah, too much alcohol, bad, bad and she had been trying so hard to be good with that. Didn't help when she thought about her sad pitiful life, stuck working with the ass that was her ex-husband, a man she hated with a fierce intensity. Hate destroys the soul just as it was slowly destroying hers. Juliet numbly squirted shampoo into her hand and rubbed it into her hair. God she was so morose these days.

What was it like to be free? And she ignored the sudden ache deep in her heart. She wasn't going there, no point. Even if she managed to get free of Edmund, the past could not be undone. She could not be fixed that easily, right? But when she had looked into James Ford's eyes last night, for a moment, she could almost believe that there had to be something more to her, as if he knew there was and he had made her feel things she hadn't and didn't want to feel _ever again_.

She could have sworn he was in her dreams last night or at least a similar look-a-like. It was the same dream she often had. The one where she's in a jungle, running from flaming arrows and he is there, this guy, grabbing her hand and pulling her along and she's absolutely terrified. She could draw him on paper that's how often she had had the dream, him with his longish shaggy hair, beard and tall lanky frame. And those eyes, they were sort of vague and indistinct but warm and real.

She didn't know who he was and it was weird that she dreamt of this stranger.

She had told Rachel about the dream once.

"Why would I dream of someone I don't know?" she had asked her.

Rachel had just given her a thoughtful look. "What does he do in the dream?"

"He saves my life."

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><p>Juliet stopped at the coffee drive through, ordered a large cafe latte and ham, cheese bagel. She hadn't had time to get to the shops and buy groceries, typical for her. But she probably should start eating healthier and get out of the bad habit of buying this sort of food every morning. Before it got any worse and she ended up huge.<p>

In the dream she was so slender. It had been a while since she was that, a really long while, can't even remember ever being that slim since her parent's divorce and her mother telling her that _just because two people love each other it doesn't mean they were meant to be together _when she was ten_. _The devastation she had felt at those words. What did that mean? It made no sense and why was her mother saying this? And why did her heart ache so much and would it ever stop? And maybe it never really had? Maybe that is why she was such a wreck? Maybe that is why she married an ass like Edmund? Maybe she had some really bad misguided notion about what love was supposed to be?

If her parents couldn't get it together then where did that leave her? And just what was love anyway? She remembered only too well what if felt like being shafted from house to house, listening to her mother bitch about her father's latest girlfriends and then having her father scold her about treating his girlfriends with not enough respect, the constant bickering and her caught right in between, like the meat in the sandwich. And what about her? Where did she figure in any of this, or anyone's life? That was when she discovered food and how comforting it was to eat when everything was wrong. And it was far easier just to bury her head in books and study and get accolades from that area of her life. That was something she was good at, she had a brain.

She _lived_ for her work because it was where she got her sense of self satisfaction. Until she had overhead Edmund talking on the phone a week ago, he unaware she was there listening. She heard him prattle on about this new medical cure _he _had found, what it was worth, how much he could get for it. No mention of her name and that is when it hit her hard; the bastard was going to screw her over again.

This time for money, she had to stop him. She had to take back the control he had over her life. He'd already taken far too much from her but not this, not _her _work. At some stage it had to stop and it was up to her, no one else, to stop him.

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><p>James was prompt with time and Juliet was impressed, totally ignoring the little flip flop her heart did at the sight of him. A man who could be on time and he was so never going to look at plain dowdy her.<p>

So what, he was just a man she chided herself, you don't look at men, remember.

She tried to be as business-like as possible and she had to give him credit he really was a fast learner and he had a penance for nicknames often calling her no nonsense Juliet, Einstein, Professor Juliet and the whiz kid.

Strangely she found it endearing instead of annoying.

At morning tea she introduced him to the other staff members, mostly women. They spent the whole time drooling over him, much to her embarrassment. Not that he seemed to mind, was obviously used to it. Typical man, she fumed silently.

_Thank you, thank you, _Chelsea had raved later, _for hiring him. Maybe you should suggest he try wearing contact lenses instead of those awful glasses._

_He is just a man _she had pointed out.

Chelsea had rolled her eyes, _not all of us hate men Juliet._

It was pathetic. And she didn't hate men as much as she just didn't trust them. She was pretty sure Detective Ford was very much the ladies man. He looked the type. She hated that type.

Glancing down at her watch Juliet couldn't wait to get out of that stuffy staff room and back to work, put an end to Chelsea's endless chatter. It was giving her a headache. And to add to her woes who should come strolling in but Edmund. He looked straight at her, as usual, and what she was eating, biscuits.

"You really think you should be eating that Juliet," he remarked.

"Fresh out of carrot sticks?" she returned giving him an icy look.

"Just thinking of your health Jules," he shrugged, his eyes coming to rest on James.

Juliet swallowed, her mouth felt dry. Oh shit. What would Edmund make of James?

James gazed straight back at him.

"So you're Juliet's new research assistant?" he asked.

"Yes."

Edmund glanced at her and she hid a smile. He didn't look happy and she felt a moment's satisfaction, finally she had someone hot, instead of just him with his young gorgeous looking research assistants that he was always flaunting in her face_._

"I'm Edmund Burke, in charge of research, the head boss so to speak, just remember that."

"Yes," James mumbled, lowering his eyes, looking every bit meek, which was so odd on him, "sir," he continued.

Edmund seemed happy with that, gave her a look that said _well he might look good but that's about all he has going for him._

Juliet looked down at her hands clasped together in her lap and she could feel those eyes boring into her. Edmund wasn't done yet, she could tell and glanced up at him.

"Can I see you in my office Juliet?"

"Can't it wait till after morning tea?" she returned giving him a defiant look.

"No it can't."

Sighing Juliet stood up, pointless in making him annoyed, she'd only pay the price for that. Getting to her feet she placed her cup of coffee on the table and avoided James curious gaze.

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><p>James watched her follow Edmund Burke out of the staff room. So that was Edmund Burke, and he was a piece of work alright. What the hell had she ever seen in him?<p>

"Don't mind Edmund," Chelsea spoke, next to him.

She hadn't been shy introducing herself, had sat in the seat right next to his from the first moment he'd walked into the staff room, "the guy is an ass, everybody knows it."

He turned to look at her. "Is Juliet in trouble?" he asked.

He hadn't missed seeing the worried look on her face when Edmund told her to go to his office.

"Nah he just has it in for her, poor girl, I don't know what she ever saw in him to begin with, marrying a creep like that," Chelsea shuddered, sipping her coffee, frowning. "Of course she's been divorced to him for years but she still works alongside him."

Chelsea, obviously one for work place gossip and that made her a good source of information and his new best friend.

"Juliet was married to him?" Of course he knows this but idle chit chat always led to something.

Chelsea had the audacity to look a little ashamed. "Don't say anything to her."

He shook his head. "I won't, besides she ain't exactly the easiest person to talk to."

"Well she wasn't always like that."

Now his curiosity was aroused.

"That marriage was really her undoing," Chelsea revealed, "she's changed, you'd barely recognise that same sweet girl she'd been when she first arrived here."

Chelsea looked sad for a moment, she sighed and her eyes met his.

"He swooped in like a vulture and pounced on her, making her seem like the most important thing in his life but really all he was after was her mind."

James clenched his fist, not sure why he found this story so disturbing or the strange ache in his chest?

"She had been so bright, charming and lovely and then by the time he was done with her, all that was left is what you see now, the ice maiden."

What the hell had he done to her to make her that way? How bad could it have been and he should know being a detective and all that women like Juliet had been physically or emotionally abused in some way or another. What sort of abuse then had Edmund done to her? And did he really want to know the details? Well he would have to. He was investigating a case, and that included her.

So why was she here? Why did she stay in an environment where she would be near him? It didn't make sense. If she had any common sense she should have gotten out of here and try to rebuild her life of something. But he'd seen enough now to know that women like Juliet often stayed within that cycle of abuse.

After leaving the staff room James returned to the lab and continued with the filing, riveting stuff and couldn't stop thinking about what Edmund might be saying to her? Was the prick giving her a hard time about her choice of research assistant? He figured the best thing to do around Edmund Burke was play dumb. Edmund the sick bastard that he was seemed to get a kick out of that.

Hearing the door open he turned around and looked at Juliet. Her face was set in stone but pale making him think the prick had given her a hard time.

"So what did the bald ogre in his lair have to say for himself?" he asked, lightly and she managed a smile at his choice of words.

He wanted to make her smile, make her laugh, not knowing why, only what Chelsea had told him earlier about the type of girl she used to be before Edmund got hold of her had got to him.

"Nothing out of the ordinary," she returned, closing the door behind her, "just grilling me about you but I told him you came highly recommended and maybe it was about time there was some eye candy for us women."

He frowned. "What?"

She grinned. "Just kidding." He noted the sudden mischievous glint in her eye.

That's right she did have a sense of humour, he'd forgotten.

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><p>Working alongside Juliet that morning was strangely satisfying. She was intuitive, seemed to know what he needed or was unsure about. It was odd but in a nice way, he found her presence, calming.<p>

"If you were a cop, you'd make a good partner," he told her.

"I don't know how I'd go with shooting a gun," she replied, a tinge of colour in her cheeks at the compliment, as if she wasn't used to them.

Somehow he could picture her with a rifle in her hands. He had a gut feeling she would be good at it. He shook his head to clear it of that image because when he really looked at her standing there in her white lab coat she really did not look the type at all.

He should be grilling her about Edmund Burke not making small chit chat but well he couldn't, not yet, the timing wasn't right and he sensed, despite her tough façade, certain vulnerability about her.

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><p>Juliet showed James the canteen at lunchtime, stood at the counter trying to make up her mind on what to eat. She really felt like lasagne and chips but she should opt for something healthy like chicken and salad.<p>

"Tough decision Blondie," James said beside her.

The nick name made her gasp _Blondie. _She gave him an enquiring look.

"Well you're blonde," he returned in way of explanation, his eyes resting on her hair, "looks natural, is it?"

His close scrutiny unnerving her.

"Um, yes."

"You should leave it loose sometime," he suggested, removing his glasses and rubbing them with the edge of his shirt.

She didn't know what to say to that? God and she had to accede he really did have the most beautiful eyes.

Damn, don't look at them.

"If they annoy you too much you don't have to really wear them," she murmured.

Shut up, you idiot, she chided. Much better that he be wearing those dorky nerdy glasses.

"But you could possibly end up with half the women in the office fawning you," she added with a grin, "so you will be taking your life into your own hands."

He smiled, the sudden warmth in his eyes making her breath catch in her throat. _Do I know you?_ Get a grip girl, she chided.

"Well I'll have to seriously weigh up the risk," he returned and put the glasses back on.

"That shouldn't be hard for you," she quipped and reached for the chicken and salad.

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><p>The afternoon went by smoothly. James kept things easy going, no point in investigating anything till he was at least somewhat established as Juliet's research assistant. Did he wait a week before snooping around? Did he try and get chummy with Edmund, win over the guys trust? Yeah right, really couldn't see that happening and he didn't even want to go there, though he should consider it. If Miles were here he'd be saying <em>do what you can. <em>The motto was get in and get out as quick as you can but sometimes a case could take months, hopefully this one wouldn't. Being a research assistant really wasn't his thing, Juliet had been right about that.

He glanced over at her sitting at the bench, peering through a microscope. She did this day in, day out, he couldn't fathom that. He would be bored to death. But she seemed quietly at home amongst all these test tubes in her white lab coat and no nonsense work approach. Hard to belief she had a sense of humour lurking beneath the professional facade and he liked those moments when she relaxed and let her witty sense of humour out. It reminded him of _something _or _someone _but he didn't know what or who? She was really a bit of an enigma to him. She said her work was her life but he was beginning to think it was her _escapism_ too.

But he got that, was much that way himself. When bad things happen work was the next perfect place to forget it. And he had had plenty enough bad experiences of his own to want to forget and that made him even more curious about her, the things they kind of had in common.

Come six that evening his stomach began grumbling. They had been here since seven this morning. Did Juliet not notice the time? She always had her head buried in a folder, or a book or peering in some damn microscope.

He touched her on the arm and she looked up startled as if she had forgotten he was there.

"I gotta go," he said.

She looked exhausted. "You should go home too, it's 6.00pm, and we've been here 11 hours."

She nodded. "I will soon as I'm finished here."

And how long would that take?

"What about dinner?"

"I'll eat at the canteen."

"Alone?"

Didn't know what made him say that.

"Yeah well I'm a big girl," she began with a slow smile, "I think I'll manage."

Is this what she did every night? Did she ever go out? Socialise, live a little? And he doubted she ever cooked a meal if she lived on her own and worked the hours she worked. What sort of life was that, hell he was a workaholic but he still went out and socialised.

Damn but he suddenly remembered that he was supposed to pick up Paige at seven. Shit. He was taking her to some fancy restaurant to celebrate some modelling photo shoot she had snared. Funny but he wasn't really in the mood for it, eating out, having to be charming, having to listen to Paige talk about, well, talk about her.

He looked at Juliet, had a wild sudden urge to drag her out of here and make her do something fun. Somehow he had the impression she wouldn't appreciate that but she needed it. Maybe he should suggest it sometime? One day.

"Don't hang around too long," he said as he left.

"I won't," she replied.

He didn't believe her.

* * *

><p>Of course Paige looked stunning he had to accede, as she always did. All the men at the station envied him. She was perfect looking in every way but boring. He had to listen to her prattle on about how the hair dresser botched up the colour of her hair.<p>

Hell her hair looked fine to him.

"Why do ya need to dye it for anyway," he grumbled with a mouthful of food.

She just gave him an incredulous look.

"It's just hair," he pointed out.

Remembered the conversation he had with Juliet at lunch. She didn't dye her hair. Was she still at work?

Maybe he was just getting to old for this shit, going out with women barely out of their teens.

"How old are ya?" he asked Paige.

She gave him a puzzled look. "22," she replied, "that's old right?"

James wasn't going to answer that and what had he seen in her again? That's right she was beautiful and all he really had to do was flatter her, charm her, then when she got to serious or clingy, walk away. Sex was free too, beat visiting the whore house.

Fuck he was shallow. It left him feeling empty inside.

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><p>James couldn't wait to get out of that restaurant. He took Paige home and came up with some elaborate excuse as to why he couldn't stay but right now he just didn't want her company, sex he could handle but that then meant listening to her prattle away about her appearance, her shallow existence. He wasn't in the mood for it tonight. Hadn't felt so disgruntled in ages and when he caught his reflection in the revision mirror he hadn't like what he saw, who he was.<p>

* * *

><p>James brought a six pack of beer and went to Miles' apartment.<p>

"Hey buddy, beer, great," Miles greeted him at the door.

"How's the undercover work?" Miles asked, "a research assistant, you," he chuckled.

They opened up a stubby of beer and sat back on the sofa.

"Well it ain't that bad but boring."

"Found out anything yet?"

James frowned. "It's only been one day."

He looked up to find Miles studying him. "What?"

"Why aren't you at Paige's?" he asked. "I thought you were taking her out for dinner?"

James peered reflectively at his bottle of beer.

"I'm thinking of breaking it off with her," he murmured.

Miles' jaw had dropped open in disbelief. James shook his head and took a swig of beer.

"Are you crazy Jim," he snapped. "In case you haven't noticed but she is like drop dead gorgeous."

"I noticed that but well she's so vain, like annoyingly frustratingly vain."

"So, it's her god given right being that beautiful and all."

James scowled. "Juliet's not like that."

Miles blinked. "Of course she's not," he snorted, "and she's not beautiful." A sudden thoughtful look crossed his face. "Why are you mentioning her for?"

James shrugged, took a swig of his beer. "Guess just being in her company all day."

Miles leaned back, crossed one leg over the over. "Man but she's kind of a tragedy though isn't she," he began, shaking his head, "because she probably does have the potential to be quite hot if she wasn't so frumpy and plain."

"She's not that bad," he said in her defence, thinking of her eyes, and the curve of her lips.

Miles looked surprised. "Are you serious Jim."

"What?"

Miles shook his head, "you who goes out with no less than miss perfect."

"I'm starting to get tired of those sorts of women," he murmured taking a swig of beer, gazing into Miles confounded expression.

"Yeah well I wouldn't advise getting too attached to Juliet Burke, because she looks far from being over what that ass of an ex did to her."

James didn't really want to hear that, because Juliet deserved better, why shouldn't she be happy again? And why couldn't he just stop thinking about her?

"Damn but it's weird," he muttered gazing into his bottle of beer, "but sometimes it's just like, I don't know, just like I know her."

Miles was giving him a funny look. "Don't go there Jim, trust me, bad idea."

"I have no intention of going there," James shot back.

He didn't do relationships, well not meaningful ones, figured maybe one day, when he was ready, whenever that would be for now he was happy with _no strings attached _girls like Paige. Well he was, until tonight.

* * *

><p>James didn't find Juliet attractive, how could he when she went out of her way to be as unattractive as possible, he just found himself attracted to her, if that made sense, because it made no sense to him.<p>

Shit, she was nothing to look at right, in her dowdy clothes and hair tied back into a bun, peering into some damn microscope.

"Hey professor time for lunch," he said, and she looked up at him with those very blue beautiful eyes of hers.

"Oh James, I forgot, what's the time?"

"Lunchtime," he replied with a grin.

She grinned back, "ha, ha." And he couldn't help noticing her smile, because well he was sure he'd seen it before _somewhere._

He liked making her smile, did it whenever he could because then he'd catch a glimpse of the girl, and he hazard a guess that girl would have been fun and sassy once upon a time. He knew she was still there, somewhere and liked trying to draw her out.

Tonight, he was going to make sure she went home.

At six he tapped her on the shoulder.

She looked up startled.

"You should go home Juliet, get some rest, god don't you ever stop?"

She frowned. "I've got to get this done ..."

"No you don't and we need to talk this evening."

A worried look crossed her face. "What? Why?"

"About Edmund, that's why I'm here, remember?"

She bit down on her lip and nodded. They had to talk about it sooner or later.

"I'll be over with some pizza and beer, you like pizza don't you?"

"Of course I do James."

A woman who ate pizza and drank beer that, that was quite the novelty, he grinned.

"Any preference?"

"Lots of cheese," she returned.

She was toying with him now, right? She smiled and he saw that mischievous glint in her eyes.

"Believe it or not but I prefer vegetarian pizza."

"That's, that's kind of boring Blondie."

"I am boring."

"No you're not," he scoffed.

"Yes I am," she nodded.

"Okay well I'm not gonna stand here and argue with you," he sighed, "somehow I can't see myself winning," he continued feeling bemused, "I'll see ya shortly girl."

Juliet watched him leave. Oh holy shit. Was he just flirting with her? Well he was a flirt actually and damn charming and how did he manage to get through her defences so easily? It had only been three days. He was going to seriously ruin her reputation as the ice maiden.

He had taken her advice too and not worn his glasses today. Pity, she moaned.

_Did you say something to him _Chelsea had squealed?

_Oh get a grip girl._

_He has such beautiful eyes._

Well Juliet had to agree with that. Whenever she saw the warmth in his eyes it did funny things to her, things she fought very hard to ignore.

Don't go there, she told herself, no point harbouring any romantic thoughts about him. There is no way he was going to look twice at her. And she didn't want him to right? Hmm, right Juliet!

Shit.

Knowing James he would be at her house shortly just like he had said. She closed the lab, drove home and rued the day that James Ford came waltzing into her world.

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><p><strong>AN: Still on track? Yes or no, let me know. Reviews really do matter and are important to us writers so keep them coming.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: The support for this story has been great! Thanks for all the wonderful reviews.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 3.<strong>

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><p>Juliet dashed home, just narrowly avoiding a speeding ticket. She had to have a shower before James arrived and wash her hair. Not knowing why this was suddenly so important. He was just a man she reminded herself, just like any other typical male, egocentric, selfish, vain, probably a womaniser, weren't they all. And the man in her dreams, she was sure now. She didn't want to think about that, not really, so she tells herself but she thought about it often. Nearly all the time. How could she not?<p>

Once home she had a quick shower and searched her wardrobe for something nice to wear. Did she own anything nice? _Nice _since when did she do that, she didn't do _pretty _either. And since when had she last given a thought to looking nice? That can't be good right? But surely she must have some items of clothing that were well relatively nice? Hadn't she brought a pair of jeans a couple of weeks ago? Rachel had talked her into it, had dragged her to the shops, literally by force, made her buy clothes and shoes, even get her hair trimmed.

Juliet found the jeans stashed away in the bottom drawer and put them on, groaning at her reflection.

The doorbell chimed and Juliet's eyes widened. Shit she hadn't even brushed her hair or finished getting dressed. Finding a black, rather pretty top, another thing Rachel had talked her into on that horrid shopping day, Juliet hastily pulled it on. At least it covered her hips but unfortunately not her fat thighs, still it would have to do. Grabbing a hair brush she quickly ran it through her hair on the way down the hallway, throwing it on a nearby bench before opening the front door.

* * *

><p>She was taking forever and he was damn hungry. James was about to push the doorbell again when the door suddenly opened and she stood there and he blinked, staring stupidly at her. Her hair was loose for a change and it was long. She had these long curls that fell over her shoulders, down her back nearly to her waist and it was the last thing he'd expected. Hell but her hair was beautiful, the colour of moonbeams and why did she always tie it back? She was usually so unfeminine that this totally feminine hair was out of sync but in a most pleasing way.<p>

"Pretty hair," he remarked, the only words he could utter.

"I just washed it,' she replied a little breathlessly, pulling it back with one hand, "I hadn't had a chance to tie it back."

"Don't," he said quickly, too quickly, she looked startled. "I mean leave it down like that."

She let go off her hair and those curls tumbled back over her shoulders and he blinked again. He couldn't understand these weird feelings coursing through him. Hell it's just hair but she looked, it's like he knows her, knows that hair from _somewhere_.

"I brought vegetarian like you asked and it better be good because I'm starving," he said.

"So am I," she returned and he kind of liked the way she said that so openly.

She took the box from him and he followed her into the house, noticing her clothes. So she was dressed alright for a change, jeans and a black top, clothes that are not swimming on her, clothes that give her a bit more shape and she really didn't look that bad despite her size. If she were to lose weight she would have a nice figure and he knew this because well she was in his dream last night, and she was slender in the dream and they were in some damn jungle, it was just bizarre.

* * *

><p>He didn't know why he liked her company, the more he was around her the less he saw of that cold collected woman he'd first seen just four days ago and the more he began to see the girl Chelsea had told him about. He wanted to know that girl, he felt as if he had known her before, somewhere.<p>

They eat pizza and drink beer and it kind of tickled his fancy that he could be this casual with a woman, he didn't have to be charming or impressive, he could be himself for a change. And the way her hair curled around her shoulders and when she smiled, she looked pretty even without a scrap of make up on. She had a really smooth perfect complexion. The beer had added some colour to her cheeks and he found it hard to tear his gaze away from hers. And it can't be possible? No way could he be falling for her? She was not at all remotely his type.

The doorbell chiming was a welcome relief, distracting him from the conflicting thoughts and feelings he was currently experiencing.

"Who could that be?" Juliet frowned getting up from the sofa.

He watched her open the door. A woman stood there with brown shoulder length hair.

"Rachel," Juliet exclaimed pulling the woman into her arms, "what are doing here?"

"I just didn't want to be alone, so I tried ringing you at work but they told me you had gone home and of course I was shocked by that, you not at work after six," she scoffed, moving back and affectionately, lightly punching her in the arm, "I figured you might be home for a change ..." her voice broke off there when she saw him and disbelief crossed her face.

"You have a friend over," she continued, staring at Juliet, a look of incredulity crossing her face.

Juliet's face reddened slightly. "Um yes," she replied, ushering Rachel inside and closing the door behind her.

James stood to his feet. Rachel approached him her eyes sizing him up and he can tell she is shocked seeing him here in Juliet's apartment. Obvious Juliet rarely entertained men.

He saw the question in her eyes as she turned to Juliet.

"This is Jim, Jim this is my sister Rachel," Juliet introduced.

She had a sister named Rachel, odd but it's almost like he knew that. _How, _nah, impossible and they looked nothing alike. She had had cancer or something? Did Miles tell him that? She looked well enough now.

"Pleased to meet you Rachel," he smiled holding out his hand.

She smiled in return and shook his hand, glancing at Juliet, a frown denting her forehead.

"How did you two meet?" she asked.

"Well James, I mean Jim is a detective, he's working undercover as my research assistant."

"Oh."

Rachel looked slightly disappointed. "And here I'm thinking you're on some hot date."

Juliet's cheeks redden. "Why would you think that?"

Rachel rolled her eyes and sat down. "Good question."

Juliet frowned and glanced at him, she seemed uncomfortable now, awkward.

"I don't have time to socialise," she stated, folding her arms.

Rachel rolled her eyes again.

"Work isn't everything Juliet," Rachel pointed out.

Juliet pursued her lips. James watched on with interest. But it only took a second for Juliet to compose herself. She was good at that, too damn good.

"You want something to drink?" she asked.

Rachel smiled up at her. "That sounds great sis, a glass of orange juice if you have any, if not a glass of water will do."

Juliet looked at him.

"And you James?"

"Just another beer, you don't want a hand?"

"No, I'm fine," she returned and flounced out of the room.

He watched her go feeling uncertain, sighing he sat down and looked at Rachel. She was watching him, observing no doubt, did he measure up? Now he felt awkward.

"So you're investigating Edmund Burke?" she lightly enquired.

Talk about getting straight to the point, obviously these two had that in common.

"Yes ma'am."

"Call me Rachel please, ma'am sounds so antiquated," she shuddered and he smiled.

He instantly liked her.

"Rachel," he said.

"Jim," she returned with a smile, much like Juliet's.

"So you are here visiting my sister purely for business only?"

"Well I'm trying to come up with a way to ask her about Edmund Burke without upsetting her," he admitted."

Rachel gave him a warm look. "That's thoughtful of you because despite her tough outer shell she is pretty vulnerable underneath."

"I figured that much out."

Rachel leaned forward in her seat, looked at him evenly. "I will tell you everything you want to know about Edmund Burke," she began, surprising him with her forwardness, "but not here."

He didn't miss seeing the concern in her eyes. "Not in front of Juliet, she doesn't need to be reminded of it but you need to know what sort of person that creep is so you get an idea on who you are dealing with."

James had that weird feeling in the pit of his stomach _again_. What the hell did Edmund Burke do to Juliet that was so bad that her own sister would not talk about it in front of her? And why did that thought disturb him? He rubbed his forehead.

"When do you want to talk about it?" he asked.

Rachel fished in her purse and pulled out a card, handing it to him.

He took it from her.

"That's my address and mobile phone number, call me and we can arrange a time to meet up?"

Juliet walked into the room, carrying a glass of water in one hand a bottle of beer in the other.

Rachel sat back and James pocketed the card, feeling guilty. Juliet looked at Rachel suspiciously.

"What are you doing?" she demanded, looking every bit that cold hard woman from the other day.

"Nothing," Rachel shrugged.

Juliet handed him a beer and put Rachel's glass of water on the table.

"Excuse me for a moment James but I just need a quiet word with my interfering sister," she spoke in that ice maiden way of hers and Rachel reluctantly rose to her feet, following Juliet to the kitchen. He heard them whispering furiously at each other, and took a swig of his beer. He could just barely make out Juliet saying, 'I don't want him to know that stuff, you promised me Rachel, it's not relevant.'

Why wouldn't she want him to know? Wouldn't now be the time for honesty?

'Of course it's relevant.' That was Rachel.

Well this was interesting, sibling dynamics, the older sister wanting to protect the younger one. Least she had a sister. Least she had family. He felt bleak for a moment, quickly suppressed it and spying Rachel's handbag on the coffee table he reached for it. He knew he shouldn't do this but he just couldn't help himself. He fossicked through the handbag, pulled out her purse, flicked it open and saw a photo of Juliet and Rachel. It's taken from one of those camera booths, and must have been when they were teenagers. They both looked so happy. It made him feel nostalgic for family moments he never had_. _Least he had Miles. He could almost pass for an annoying younger brother but he can't imagine them doing the whole camera booth thing. Feeling suddenly guilty he quickly put the purse back and returned the bag just before the two sisters re-emerged from the kitchen and Juliet said the last thing he'd expected.

"Let's talk about Edmund."

Juliet did most of the talking. She discussed her research in some detail, he could see the light in her eyes, could see she was passionate about it. Rachel had been her guinea pig. She had used a drug that hadn't been trailed, he already knew that but he hadn't known she trailed on her own sister. Rachel desperately wanted to have a child. It had work and Rachel was pregnant which was impossible because she was completely infertile, creating life where there should be no life. It was a miracle. But Edmund found out about it, used his knowledge to black mail her and she agreed to share her so called medical discovery with him. Well that explained some things, he supposed but there was still something not right.

She sat there so calmly, hands clasped in her lap, emotionless and he wanted to shake her.

"And as you know James," she said in that perfectly controlled voice that irked him, "I found out what he planned to do with it and here we are."

His eyes flit from her face to Rachel's. He could sense Rachel wanted to say more. He knows Juliet is not telling him everything. He wasn't a detective for nothing. Why the secrets?

"Juliet," he began, she wanted to play it formal now, so could he, "to tell you the truth this is a really problematic case and it doesn't help at all that you signed an agreement with him."

He had to point this out and why did she? Couldn't she have spoken up, or was she afraid of the implications of anyone finding out about the drug she had used on Rachel?

"What would have happened if you had not agreed to share your medical breakthrough with him? What would he have done to you?"

Her face paled, those hands clasped together in her lap tightening, but her features are set like stone.

"He would have taken my research, have me discredited, I wouldn't be able to work anywhere as a medical researcher, he could very easily suspend my licence, he has a lot of power."

He saw the slight tremor in those hands. That bastard really had her over a barrel.

"My work is everything to me Detective," she stressed and they were back to be totally formal now.

No more fun Juliet, no more the sassy light hearted girl.

"Is there where I start calling you ma'am again Juliet?"

She had the audacity to look embarrassed. "Sorry, no, please don't."

"Was it a written or verbal contract?"

"Written, of course, it's Edmund," she returned.

James didn't miss hearing the bitterness in her voice.

"Better written than verbal, always bound to find a clause."

He went over the ins and outs of the agreement, got her to get him a copy of it. By the time he left her house, same time as Rachel, she was as stiff and cold and indifferent as she had been the first day he met her. Her defence mechanism, no doubt but it left him feeling disgruntled.

* * *

><p>James felt incredibly restless after leaving her apartment. This case ... almost wished he had never taken it. Miles fault. He was the one that talked him into it. Not to mention he hated half truths and he knew Juliet was hiding something.<p>

Pulling his mobile out of his shirt pocket he rang Rachel.

"Hello."

"It's Jim, you free to chat?"

He might as well get this out of the way now, try and piece the puzzle together, still early enough, not even ten yet.

"I understand if you're too tired ..." he began, remembering she was pregnant.

"No that's alright, yes I can talk now, why don't you come back to my apartment."

He couldn't explain the weird sadness he felt. He had worked on hundreds of cases, many involving abused women but this, her, he just can't stop thinking about it. He can't stop thinking about her, can't explain this pull towards her. Why she suddenly means something to him when he doesn't know her. And she had looked so withdrawn when he'd left, sad almost.

* * *

><p>Rachel only lived a short ten minute drive from Juliet's. Part of him didn't really want to know anything more about what Edmund did to her. It made him strangely depressed but it was part of his job.<p>

Rachel was waiting at the front door when he turned up, looking guilty.

"I feel bad," she admitted.

"Well don't," he reassured, "it has to be done."

"Come inside Jim."

He followed her inside, unlike Juliet's apartment hers looked lived in. Photos lined the walls and curiosity aroused he finds his attention drawn towards them.

"Why doesn't she have any photos in her place?" he asked as he looked at a family portrait.

Juliet looked all of eight years old there, a couple of teeth missing in her childish grin, cute.

"You'll have to ask her that one," Rachel replied.

He can't explain why he liked looking at family photos, didn't have any of his own, maybe that was it? Deep down, him, always yearning for that sense of belonging.

There are photos of Juliet and Rachel graduating from school and then college. He was most drawn to the one of her wearing a blue turquoise dress and it's the slimmest he had seen her in any of the photos yet, except for the ones when she was a kid. She was real skinny in those, so what happened to make her put on weight? By the time she had graduated high school she was quite chubby but still pretty. In the photo of her, the one where she looked slimmer, her hair was straightened and spilt over her shoulders and damn but she really looked even more like the girl in his crazy jungle dream.

"How long ago was that taken?" he asked.

"Just before she got married to Edmund, must be six years ago now."

"She was slimmer there," he murmured. He hadn't meant to say that.

"Well she wanted to be slim for her wedding day, had dieted like crazy, lost stacks of weight, all for that jerk," Rachel replied, bitterly. "She was so proud of herself."

He noted the wistful look on Rachel's face.

"Till Edmund screwed her over," she continued.

That's right. He was here to discuss Edmund Burke. And he might as well get straight to the point, because it was pretty damn obvious.

"What did Edmund Burke do to Juliet?"

Rachel blinked, looked sad for a moment making his chest ache. Damn but normally he was so good at being objective but this, this wasn't right, Juliet deserved better than this, she was something more, well she should be. So why did this all feel so wrong?

"Edmund has a sadistic personality disorder," Rachel admitted, "of course that didn't come to the light until after she married him and that is when the verbal abuse started, he seemed to get immense satisfaction at belittling or humiliating her whenever he could, sometimes he got violent too."

James clenched his fist. He'd heard the remarks Edmund made to her at morning tea, the demeaning ways he looked at her, it made his blood boil and took all of his will not to say something to the bastard.

"But he seemed to prefer using words as a means of torture, he controlled her anyway he could and then there were all the affairs that he seemed to get so much satisfaction rubbing in her face."

"Then why does she continue to work under him?" his voice hoarse, god why was hearing this affecting him so much?

"Because of me," Rachel sighed, tears pooling in her eyes.

He looked at her wordlessly.

She swallowed. "As you know I have cancer, yes it's in remission now but Edmund paid for the alternative treatment I had back when it had looked really grim and it had cost a lot of money, money we didn't have, but money Edmund had," Rachel swallowed, looked at the photo of Juliet wearing the turquoise dress, "he offered to pay for the treatment if she agreed to remain working with him for the next ten years."

"So she signed her life away," he muttered, clenching his jaw.

Rachel nodded, looking miserable. "Well ten years of it," she murmured.

James stood there mutedly and shook his head in disbelief. How the hell did she get herself into such a situation, well okay to save her sister and well that certainly complicated everything.

Did she have to sacrifice herself in the process of saving her sister? Was there no other way? Though it really came as no surprise to him, she had always been the _type _to put others first. Hell that was a weird thought? How would he know that?

"Don't blame her Jim," Rachel sighed, touching his arm, "Juliet was desperate and well she signed that agreement before the verbal abuse got really bad, that came afterwards and then she filed for divorce but I guess she is still stuck working for that jerk for another five years and well the damage has been done."

James glanced at her stricken face. Yeah it really had been.

"I've had to stand by and watch him slowly destroy my sister's life."

Her eyes glittered darkly. "You can't imagine what that feels like."

But he can. His own history testimony to that, experiencing the destruction of his own life after witnessing his father shoot his mother before shooting himself. He had been a real troubled child, in and out of detention centres before a particular counsellor gave him some sound advice.

_There are other ways to deal with your anger son, healthy ways._

But shit, Juliet, what had she done?

"I want it to stop," Rachel whispered, "before it is too late."

* * *

><p>James couldn't sleep. Once home he wrote up a report, his findings, on Juliet, Edmund Burke and the case so far. It wasn't too hard to figure out that Edmund targeted Juliet because of her weight and low self esteem. Be charming to the chubby girl, make her feel special, make her believe in herself but all the while using her to further his own career because Edmund Burke did know one thing about Juliet, he did know she was a genius. And what luck for him that she happened to have a sister suffering from cancer, a sister needing expensive treatment to save her life and then Edmund made his next calculated move. He convinced Juliet to work for him for the next ten years as payment for the treatment he would pay for. That way he could get away with his sick sadistic tendencies on her and she was trapped, powerless to do anything about it. Sure she had divorced him but he still controlled her in every way.<p>

No wonder she had to become the ice maiden, no wonder she hated men, according to Chelsea and staff room gossip.

James wasn't aware of the anger coursing through him till the pencil in his hand snapped in half. His jaw ached. He rubbed it, run stiff fingers through his hair. And he had to wonder if she'd found the right person back then, back when she was that pretty slimmer girl in the turquoise dress how different she would be now? Maybe she would have been all of those things Chelsea had told him on his first morning in the staff room, lovely, sassy, full of life.

Somehow he had to get her talking about Edmund, he had to get the truth from her whether she liked it or not, even if it hurt. How else could she move on?

It took forever for him to fall asleep. When he does finally sleep the dreams came. Dreams of Juliet, touching his arm, a compassionate look upon her face, and for a moment she makes the deep wrenching pain he feels dissipate. And he doesn't understand the pain, or the place they are at, the jungle of course, she is always in a jungle. He is always with her.

He knows she means everything to him. He knows he never wants to let her go.

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><p><strong>AN: Hope you still like? Let me know. Reviews are very much appreciated. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4.**

It was back to no nonsense Juliet the next morning. She looked tired too. There were dark rings under her eyes and she was completely withdrawn into herself. He wanted back that woman she had been, but briefly before Rachel rocked up, last night. But she looked totally unapproachable. She barely spoke two words and damn but he wished she'd snap out of it. And it was harder trying to remain emotionally distant now, knowing so much more about her, the awful rut she was stuck in, working for the man who both physically and emotionally abused her and stuck with him for ten long years. He tried not to think too much about it because it made him so angry and he needed to remain objective, number one rule of a detective, don't let your emotions rule your head. Right and he really had that in control _not_, he rubbed his forehead and totally unlike him too. He didn't understand the conflicting feelings he had towards her and the want to get through the barricade around her heart, find the true person within. He knew she was still there, had seen enough glimpses of it. But with her, it's like he had managed to get one step ahead but now was two steps backwards. She just buried herself in her work to the exclusion of everything else around her. Her escapism and he wants to shake her out of it. _Look at me, I'm real, I'm alive _and it was just plain whacko that he had those thoughts to begin with.

He reminded her about morning tea but she said she wasn't going. He went alone, was bombarded with nonstop chatter from Chelsea the moment he walked into the staff room. Did she not ever come up for air? He made himself an extra strong coffee, would rather be back on the beat with Miles than here.

Ten minutes later Edmund walked into the staff room his eyes scanning the room and James could tell he was looking for Juliet.

_Guess you don't get to make some cutting comment to her this morning you prick_, he felt like saying.

Edmund's eyes rested on him, narrowed slightly. James pretended to be totally engrossed in what Chelsea was talking about, whatever that was? But out of the corner of his eye he saw Edmund make himself a coffee, turn around and head in his direction.

_Don't sit next to me you bastard_, god damn but he could see he was going to. And to make matters worse Edmund leant forward, looked directing at Chelsea and said, "I think your morning tea break is over."

Chelsea stopped talking and her face went sort of still. It was an odd thing to see. She looked at her watch and nodded. "I guess it is."

Edmund Burke certainly held all the power around here so what the hell did he want to talk to him about? He had a bad feeling. Nothing this guy said could ever be good.

"So James isn't it?" he began.

James nodded.

"Juliet's research assistant," he continued, eyes boring into his, "How is that going?"

"Great," he returned, _boring as hell_. "She's a smart lady."

"She is," Edmund agreed, "highly intelligent actually."

James was surprised, a compliment from Edmund? He glanced at him, could see the questions in Edmund's eyes. That can't be good.

"Funny how she picked you for an assistant though?"

"Why's that?"

"Well she never normally has male assistants, always women."

Edmund did strike him as the type not to miss a thing. He'd just have to be damn convincing, shrugged his shoulders.

"Maybe she felt like a change," he returned.

Edmund looked him over. "Maybe I misjudged her, it's just that after the divorce she's never shown an interest in men."

Play it dumb, he told himself, scowled. "She a lesbian then?"

Edmund smirked. "Not far off it I think."

And that is all it took for Edmund to warm ever so slightly towards him now and James was not enjoying this at all.

"I think she's forgotten how to be a woman not that she was always that way," Edmund revealed, "when I first married her she had a personality at least."

Till you drove it out of her, you jerk, he thought mutedly but he kept his mouth shut.

"It must be really dull working alongside her?" Edmund continued.

"She doesn't talk much."

Edmund raised an eyebrow, "I can have you moved if you like?"

So that was Edmund's angle.

"Actually I like it where I am," James admitted, "not much one for conversation when I'm working myself, so it suits me fine if she don't want to talk."

Obviously not what Edmund wanted to hear given the hardening of his face.

"You seriously can't be interested in her?" he frowned.

James gave a laugh.

"Of course not, besides I've got a girlfriend, and well I want to work with the best and Juliet is the best researcher here."

Now that was something Edmund could relate to and hopefully James had given him the impression that he only wanted to work for Juliet because it was beneficial to him, going to advance him in some way.

"Sounds good enough to me," Edmund nodded and seeming content he stood up.

Thank god that was over, James breathed, released his too tight grip on his coffee mug.

"Well good luck," Edmund said, placing his cup on the table giving James one last look.

"This girlfriend of yours, what does she do?"

"She's a model," James returned, and he still hadn't gotten around to breaking things off with her yet, he should do that soon, tonight, she'd already left several messages on his phone.

"Young?"

"22."

Edmund smirked, a look of approval crossing his face which didn't sit right with James at all. _I'm not like you_ he murmured inwardly _I won't ever be like you_ but in actual fact, there were some things he did have in common with Edmund and it made him feel sick. Face it man_, you are almost just as shallow_.

James returned to the lab feeling disgruntled. He could imagine Miles voice in his head saying _get buddy buddy with him, the best way to get any info._

But James didn't want to get buddy buddy with Edmund, especially knowing what he did now, what he had done to Juliet. Whenever he thought about it made his blood boil.

Juliet looked up as he entered the lab.

"Well I just had an interesting little chat with your ex," he announced, closing the door behind him.

Her face went still much like Chelsea's had in the staff room.

"I'm sure whatever he had to say was really enlightening," she muttered and he didn't miss the hint of bitterness.

She really needed to get rid of that, bitterness was a bad thing. She was letting it slowly destroy her. _The guys not worth it_ he wanted to tell her _don't let him get the best of you_ but it was too late now, wasn't it? Why did it make him feel depressed? Why did he want to shake her out of her pretend apparent apathy?

"He seemed disappointed that you weren't in the staff room, think he felt ripped off that he couldn't pass of his usual derogatory comment to ya," he lightly continued, curious to see her reaction.

She barely blinked. Sure she was one cool cucumber alright.

"He'll probably call by later if he needs to get his fix," she murmured.

Of course he can't say more because that would then get her curious as to how he would know that and he didn't want to land Rachel in trouble or cause any sisterly love fall out.

"What did he say to you?" she asked and did he just see a brief flicker of apprehension in her eyes?

"He seemed curious as to why you would choose a male assistant when all of your other ones have been female but I implied you must have turned lesbian since ya divorced him."

Her eyes widened in astonishment. "What?"

He hid a smile. That got her attention.

"Well I don't want to offside the son of a bitch, won't do this case any good if I do."

She folded her arms, her eyes narrowing. "So what else did he say?"

"Not a lot but the guy is really an ass Juliet, no wonder you hate men after being married to him."

Her face paled slightly.

"What makes you think I hate men?"

He shrugged, gave her a direct look. "Do you?"

She blinked, unfolded her arms and averted her gaze from his. He didn't need a confession of _yes_, her expression said it all and he can't explain why that makes him suddenly feel so sad.

"Of course not," she hastily returned, focusing on the folder she was reading when he walked in and he can tell this conversation was now over.

He returned to the Petri dishes that had weird stuff growing in them, marked the latest changes, did more filing when she handed it to him. And they worked quietly, side by side. Today was Friday, week one down and all he had really accomplished was having a conversation with Edmund that probably maybe put him slightly in Edmund's favour.

Terrific.

When the clock struck 1.00pm he tapped Juliet on the shoulder.

"It's lunchtime," he told her.

"I'm not hungry James," she replied and returned her attention back to peering through the microscope. Not this again.

"Well what about me?" he said in an exasperated tone of voice.

"You can go have lunch."

"On my own?"

She slowly straightened up and looked him over. "Well you are fully grown," she pointed out a hint of a smile on her lips, "I'm sure you'll cope."

"Yeah but, I'll just look silly sitting there on my own with no one to talk to," he prattled off. "And I really don't want another scintillating conversation with ya ex."

That got him a wider smile and Juliet raised an eyebrow.

"Maybe Chelsea will find you first."

James sighed, "She doesn't stop talking, especially about you. You seem to be her favourite subject."

Her head snapped up. Well that got her attention he mused.

She peered at him, a slight frown denting her forehead, looking not at all pleased.

"What does she say?"

James tried hard not to smile.

"Well if you come to lunch with me I'll tell ya."

Her frown deepened but he could see her resolve crumbling. Part of him knowing she can't resist him but not at all sure how he knows that?

"Come on, how hard can it be and I won't tell anyone you happen to like vegetarian pizza?" he grinned.

"Well alright then."

And why did he suddenly have the biggest sense of déjà vu? The weirdest sensation he'd ever felt and he hadn't noticed really just how _pretty _she was until now. He shook his head to clear it. This was bizarre.

* * *

><p>Juliet seemed happier, a tad more relaxed when eating lunch. Obviously she was a comfort eater. Not that he blamed her. Maybe she needed to find another outlet for her anger and sadness.<p>

"You ever fired a gun?" he asked her.

She stopped chewing and frowned, shaking her head. Funny but last night in his dream, she had a rifle in her hands and she was some crack shot. Why would he dream something like that?

"How about I take you out to a firing range, shoot some targets and see how you go?"

He noticed the sudden apprehension in her eyes. Hell it was the weekend and she needed to go out, why not with him.

"C'mon Blondie, you might even enjoy it."

"Well okay."

Juliet could kick herself for agreeing so easily, it's just that he was impossible to refuse and he had a way of getting through all of her defences. It was hard to remain distant when he was around, always teasing and joking in some way, always making her smile. And well she had to admit to herself that she liked it, even if she couldn't understand this pull towards him.

"He seems so interested in you," Chelsea had bitched when James was out of earshot, later that afternoon.

"What are you serious?" Juliet had exclaimed, "I'm mean look at me, I'm huge."

"Well you're not that bad," Chelsea admitted.

Juliet frowned. Yet, that was and well no way, no way would a man like James Ford ever be interested in a drab, overweight, boring medical lab researcher like her.

* * *

><p>James wasn't about to let her forget the shooting range. Come six o'clock he reminded her.<p>

"You go home and I'll pick ya up at seven, we might as well grab a bite to eat whilst we're out."

She just finds herself agreeing. Pointless in arguing with him and the truth was that she wanted to be with him. He made her feel good, happy and god but she had kind of missed feeling like that. It had been so long, too long.

* * *

><p>She wore the same jeans from last night, but a different top, bemoaning the fact that she really had nothing nice to wear in her wardrobe. She should go shopping. She puts on the nicest other top she could find, which wasn't all that flattering but the colour at least suited her complexion. Did she wear her hair loose? But they were going to a shooting range so maybe she should tie it back. In the end she opted for a loose ponytail and found herself fossicking through a drawer for some lipstick.<p>

Oh god, she hadn't fussed over her appearance since ... she couldn't even remember?

Surely she had no feelings towards him, James? She shut her eyes ignoring the traitorous beat of her heart. Last night she hadn't wanted him to hear the sorry state of her past life, along with all the major screws up she'd committed. What she'd done, stupid enough to marry Edmund, even more stupid to sign that ten year contract, sure it had ensured the survival of her sister but it had come at a price? She was still tied to Edmund, she was damaged goods, she would not be fit for any other man, so there was no point in even entertaining ideas about her feelings towards James.

She opened her eyes and looked back at her flushed cheeks. Her eyes fall to the open drawer and the lipstick there. Stuff it she needed all the help she could get. A little bit of lipstick wouldn't hurt.

James was punctual, as always and why did he have to look so damn hot. It wasn't fair.

"You wanna eat first or shoot targets?" he asked her.

"Maybe we shoot targets first."

"I'll take ya where all of us cop's practice our shooting."

I'm so not going to look good for your image, she felt like telling him but he seemed oblivious to that, seemed perfectly happy introducing her to any police officer he knows.

He set her up at the shooting range, put ear muffs on her head, showed her how to use the gun and away she went.

"Just imagine it's ya ex at the other end," he whispered in her ear, his breath tickling her neck.

And she did, the bastard that totally screwed up her life, bang, bang, bang. And it felt good, almost cathartic.

James was mesmerised by the intense concentration on her face, was she thinking about her ex? When the bullets ran out she looked up at him and smiled, really smiled, the sort of smile that lit up her whole face making her look beautiful and his heart did funny things.

"That did feel good," she breathed.

He tore his eyes away from her face. "Well let's see how ya went" and pushed the button that brought the target to them, pulling it off.

He stared down at in disbelief.

"God damn girl but you are a crack shot alright," he gasped, "I don't believe it."

He showed her the target.

"Just about every shot hits the dead centre."

"I didn't know I was that good," she returned, wrinkling her nose but looking pleased just like in his dream, he mused, odd. How did he know she would be good at it? And hadn't that same thought only just crossed his mind the other day as well.

"You could take on the best here," he continued, "maybe you should."

He spotted Miles out of the corner of his eyes.

"Hey Miles come here," he called.

Miles walked over towards them, a look of surprise crossing his face at the sight of Juliet.

"Look at this, Juliet shot this," he said, shoving it in Miles' face.

That same look of amazement crossed Miles face. He looked at her anew. "Wow, you're really good."

She smiled happily. "Thanks."

They chat for a while and Miles eventually asked where they were going.

"Probably just the local tavern, you want to come?"

It was uncanny but Juliet felt quite at home with James and Miles. Now she was out with two guys at once. It was totally laughable. Her, frumpy dowdy Juliet out with men! How easy it was to talk with them both, the amusement she felt when they took the piss out of each other. Like she had been here before, but that was just impossible.

* * *

><p>"You think you could drink a pint of beer Blondie?" James asked, alongside her, as they waited at the bar.<p>

She shouldn't really should she?

"Or you want something more sophisticated?"

"A pint of beer well do."

He grinned. "That a girl."

They find a table, order steak and chips.

Later Juliet excused herself and went to the ladies. James looked at Miles to find him watching him.

"What?"

Miles shook his head. "You and Juliet," he began, "I think you like her."

James looked down at the pint of beer, was it that obvious? Shit, he couldn't even begin to fathom what he felt for her.

"It's weird but I find myself attracted to her," he admitted, "I don't know why."

"Well she's got a sense of humour and she's smart but seriously Jim she ain't a notch on Paige."

Didn't they just have a similar conversation the other night?

James could feel his annoyance growing. "You're right, Juliet can actually drink beer, eat like a normal person, hold an interesting conversation that just isn't about her and she's ... well I can just be myself."

Miles raised an eyebrow. "You really do a have a thing for her, I don't believe it," Miles said taking a swig of his beer.

"Yeah well it can't go anywhere anyway she is part of the investigation."

Not that he wanted to start anything with her, right? He somehow figured it would be easy wrestling snakes in a pit than trying to get close to her.

"That's right and you know you can't get involved with her," Miles stressed, leaning across the table, his gaze direct, "Jeez Jim, but this just isn't like you," he continued, "you never go out with any woman less than perfect looking."

What he felt for Juliet, was like nothing he'd ever felt before, well actually it was like that time he'd looked into Josie's face when he was 19 and told her he would never fall in love or have children, breaking her heart and his own in the process but he'd been so resolute. He wasn't chancing turning out like his old man. That was so long ago now and well deep down, a part of him felt lonely, like he'd never connected with a woman but at some stage he had had the connection _was sure_. But not this life time, he mused, until now, with her. And he didn't understand it at all.

"What about Paige? You break things off with her yet?" Miles asked, "if so send her my way, I'll make sure she gets the comfort she deserves," he continued with a grin.

"Well I haven't yet, just got busy, but I'm going to ..."

"Looks like you might get the chance right now," Miles interrupted.

James frowned.

"Paige has just entered the tavern and she's making a bee line straight for you."

James spun around and sure enough there was Paige walking his way and there was no time to hide. Shit.

And she didn't look happy. He could only watch in horror. What the hell did he do now? Juliet would be back any minute and for some strange reason he just didn't want her to know that he went out with young sexy looking women just like her ex. And he hated that in part he was just as shallow in that area but he had his reasons _right_. His past, a doozey, just like hers so she choose to escape into her work and well he into his work as well but he was still a man with needs and hell but he had to wonder about her needs or had she buried them so deep she no longer knew what they were?

"Thought I might find you here," Paige remarked as she approached the table, glaring at him, "didn't you get the messages I sent?"

"I ah ... just been busy girl, why don't you sit down before ya melt me with that death glare," he muttered.

She sat down next to him, in Juliet's chair, damn and Juliet would have to choose that moment to return.

"Um Paige Juliet is sitting there."

God this was awkward.

Paige turned to look up at Juliet.

"Sit next to Miles."

Paige haughtily stood to her feet and looked Juliet over. Juliet made a similar appraisal.

"Ah Paige this is Juliet, Juliet Paige," he introduced.

"Hello Paige," Juliet spoke in that cool, calm voice of hers.

"Juliet," Paige returned glancing at him with confusion before moving away.

Miles gave James the thumbs up when Paige wasn't looking. James ran a hand through his hair. Now what?

Paige sat down next to Miles her eyes narrowing, questioning, raking over Juliet and then back to him.

"How do you know each other?"

"Juliet is part of the case I happen to be working on," he explained and he could see Paige visibly relax.

"Is that why you haven't returned my calls?" she demanded.

Juliet raised her eyebrows and she could feel both pair of women's eyes on him and he began to squirm uncomfortably.

"Just been really busy," he returned, averting his eyes, wishing some hole would open up and swallow him whole.

"You know you shouldn't neglect your friends," Juliet began glancing at Paige.

"Girlfriend," Paige informed her.

"Girlfriend," Juliet continued, "just because of little ol' me and this case."

Oh and he could hear the sarcasm in her voice now.

"You are so right Juliet," he returned, "but well I guess I just have the bad habit of letting my work consume me at the expense of _**everyone **_else around me."

She got his sarcasm now, could tell and picking up her beer she took a really long swig. He glanced at Miles and saw the amusement in his eyes. Damn him. The bastard was enjoying his discomfort. Just wait till they were alone.

* * *

><p>It was a relief when the meal arrived and Juliet could distract herself with eating, often gazing into Paige's pouty face. And well it looked like James liked only the drop dead gorgeous kind of women <em>typical <em>and she can't explain the disappointment she felt. Somehow she'd hoped he'd been more than that but obviously he wasn't and that should make it so much easier to nip any budding feelings she had for him.

No way was she letting her heart go there, close to him, no way. He was the type you avoided like the bubonic plague. Though oddly enough James seemed uncomfortable by Paige's presence and the young woman was obviously displeased with him.

_Not that she cared._

"I'm going to go home Jim," Paige announced, pinpointing him with a meaningful look, "can I talk to you alone for a moment?"

James nodded, stood up.

"See you later Juliet, Miles," Paige said before leaving, James following.

Funny how she suddenly had no appetite, lowering her knife and plate on the table Juliet looked at Miles.

"Guess it's just you and me," she said to break the silence.

"I'm much better company than Jim," he smiled.

Juliet smiled in return, for some reason she couldn't explain she liked Miles.

They chatted like old friends and it was just odd how easy it was to talk with him, like it was something she had done _long ago_.

* * *

><p>James' misery was only set to increase. He listened to Paige rave and rant on the way to her car, how he was neglecting her and she could get another man <em>just like that<em> and she clicked her fingers in his face.

"Why don't you then," he threw back at her.

He was hoping she would say something like _I will_ but instead her face crumpled and tears pooled in her eyes and fuck but he hated making women cry. Feeling bad he drew her into his arms, patted her back consoling and he just couldn't bring himself to end things yet, not like this, the timing was damn lousy.

"Look I gotta take Juliet home," he spoke at length.

She turned a tear stained face to his. "Will you come over after?"

He nodded, shit but then he would have to break it off with her. He couldn't go on like this. He quickly kissed her on the lips, could tell she wanted more and looked at him in confusion when he pulled away.

"What was that?" she asked, wiping her eyes. "You can't bring yourself to kiss me now?"

He didn't know what to say, more tears pooled in her eyes, a hand came to rest on her hip.

"You don't want me anymore do you?" she got out in a choked voice.

This is where he should comfort her _again_ but he would be lying.

"It's not that," he began, running a hand through his hair, tugging on the ends in frustration, "I don't fall in love Paige, I thought I told you that."

"Well ... I thought I could change your mind," she murmured looking sad and miserable making him feel the biggest ass alive.

"You're young," he began, "and beautiful and you won't have a problem finding someone to love you."

Her eyes were large dark pools in the night light, just what kind of person was he?

"Except you," she sniffed looking dejected.

God he hated himself. He nodded his head.

"Yeah except for me, better off without me Paige."

* * *

><p>And that was that, it was over with her and he was alone, maybe that was his fucking destiny after all and he should just accept it so why did he hate being alone? Which was ironic considering he didn't do love. Sometimes he wished he was a simple man, not this complex jerk.<p>

He went back inside the tavern and sat down at the table. Both Miles and Juliet were looking at him curiously. That won't do. He had to pick himself up, act jovial but well he couldn't, that happy mood from earlier was gone.

"Paige sure did look pissed with you," Miles remarked and James just wished he would shut up.

He picked up his beer and took a long swig and he felt like getting really drunk. He looked into Juliet's pretty blue eyes. Men are total bastards he felt like telling her.

"You alright James?" she asked, her voice sort of soft and it just makes him feel worse.

"Sorry I ruined the night for ya," he muttered into his beer.

And the night was totally ruined _again_. Knew Juliet would now have the lowest opinion of him and it shouldn't bother him at all _right _but it did. He wanted to give reasons, kept his mouth shut. She didn't know anything about him best it was left that way.

They stayed for another drink, the mood lightened somewhat at least it did between Miles and Juliet and he felt a crazy moment of jealously that Miles actually managed to make her laugh. He'd never heard her laugh. They were telling each other jokes, she had some good ones, Miles was impressed by them and that took some doing.

They left the tavern at ten that night.

"Hey she's really cool," Miles said to him just before they left, "I think the chick likes me."

"Don't flatter yourself Enos," he'd returned.

Miles frowned. "Man that was weird but I just had the biggest déjà vu then."

* * *

><p>James stopped by the bottle shop on the way to Juliet's house, brought a six pack of beer and a bottle of whiskey."<p>

Juliet raised an eyebrow. "You planning some bender tonight?" she asked.

"Yeah I'm gonna get hell pissed."

Starting the engine, he didn't care what she thought, of course he did but well she was bound to think even less of him he might as well add to that low opinion.

Putting the car into gear he began to drive off.

"Did you break up with her?" Juliet asked, breaking the silence.

Why was she asking him questions? He glanced at her, was about to come up with some snarky response but just one look into those eyes and he couldn't.

"Yeah well been meaning to for a while but just didn't want to hurt her feelings," he muttered, cursing himself. Why was he telling her this? This woman who hated _all_ men.

"Getting drunk doesn't solve anything other than to give you a massive hang over the next day, trust me."

"Yeah well I'll take my chances."

And what did she mean by the _trust me_ at the end?

"You know a thing or two about it Blondie?" he asked, feeling curious, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye.

"I've had my fair share of benders," she admitted.

Of course she would have and who could blame her with her last shitty five years of life. It made him feel bad for her. She deserved so much more.

"If you don't mind me asking James but why did you break up with Paige?" she asked, the question surprising him.

Why did she want to know that? But hell if they were being honest with each other he might as well continue it.

"I once convinced myself that I was better off never falling in love," he confessed.

He could feel her eyes watching him, and he didn't even dare look at her.

"So you were in love with her then?"

He gave an empty laugh. "Hell no, but I just," he paused then, shook his head, fuck this, "I just couldn't pretend anymore."

Juliet went quiet. And it was out in the open, the ass that he really was, she had ever right to steer well clear of him.

"She didn't deserve having me string her along with my empty shallow needs but not being able to totally give of myself to her ..." his voice broke off there.

He'd never had a conversation quite like this with another woman in his life.

Why now? Why with her? And why wasn't she calling him out for the jerk he was?

He pulled up into the car park of her apartment block, turned the engine off. Sighing he turned to look at her, expecting to see reproach or something like that but not the thoughtful reflective expression on her face.

"Seems I'm not the only one who made wrong choices," she spoke softly, so softly he barely heard her.

For a moment he was lost in her gaze, not understanding the long forgotten feelings coursing through him.

_Who was she?_

"Goodnight James," she continued, "Don't get too drunk."

With that she climbed out of the car. He didn't want to let her go _don't leave me, _shook his head to clear it.

"Goodnight Juliet and thanks," he called after her.

She turned around, and peered at him through the half open door.

"For what?"

"For well understanding I guess."

"You're welcome James," she smiled and closed the door.

He watched her enter the apartment block. What the hell was that all about? Leant back into the car seat and shut his eyes.

Now she was gone he really felt alone and why the hell did he feel so empty inside, like he was peering into some dark chasm. God this night was totally peculiar.

Opening his eyes he turned the key in the ignition his eyes falling on the bottle of bourbon.

It was time to get drunk and forget everything, at least for a few hours.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Please ignore any errors, this was done in a hurry with lot's of interruptions from children but if I didn't upload now it would be another 24 hours before I would be able to! Thanks for all the reviews to date, keep them coming, they do inspire me to keep writing this story and are really appreciated**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Wow I hadn't realised it's been three weeks since I uploaded a chapter! Sorry about the wait on this. I've been really busy with work and usual household/family dramas. But finally I managed to finish this chapter. Enjoy.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 5.<strong>

* * *

><p>Juliet set her bag down on the bench, reached for the bottle of wine in the fridge. She shouldn't, really but well it was just past ten and it was a Friday night and well why not? She felt wide awake.<p>

Maybe she should have invited James inside. He looked as lonely as she felt.

They made a fine pair. They could have got pissed together. And then what? Reveal deep dark hidden secrets. She had gotten the distinct impression that he had his fair share of them. Not that she wanted to know because he was just some good looking womaniser and the type to be avoided at all costs. There was nothing more to it. Forget him. That was what she would keep telling herself. So why wasn't it working? Not her type, right. Why was she wasting time thinking of him? She could ignore that tiny little voice inside her head that kept contradicting her by telling her there was _more _to him. And the way he looked at her as if he could see straight through her and it was unnerving because, and this was totally insane, it was as if he knew there was more to her too. And why did she find herself drawn to him in ways that confused her?

Tugging her pony tail in frustration and sighing Juliet poured herself a glass of wine, slipped her shoes off and settled on to the double seat sofa. If only she could stop thinking about him, it was annoying. Think about work, she told herself and took a sip of wine. Why had James sworn never to fall in love? So much for thinking about work! But he was an enigma in many ways and what had happened to him to make him vow something like _never_ fall in love? Who did things like that? _Except herself_ of course but that was different. She had legitimate reasons, so what reasons did James have?

Not that she cared, she told herself. But his words, they had a way of haunting her, and she had seen the bleakness in his eyes, just when she wanted to despise him for being nothing more than some good looking jerk. The number of women he must have used, the hearts he would have broken and she should hate him, really, so why the hell did she feel sorry for him?

* * *

><p>Juliet dreamt of him that night <em>again<em>. They were sitting on some dock. She was staring out across the water, eyes resting on the overhanging trees lining the shore. It was him _James_ wasn't it? She turned to look at him, noting his scruffy hair, beard, he seemed older somehow, looked as if he'd had a tough time of it judging by the weary lines around his eyes and it was _him_ … James? She couldn't even begin to understand the sudden emotions swamping her, the intensity of them.

_Stay with me …_ _just two weeks, that's all I'm askin'._

It was the first time he had spoken in her dreams. It had to be him? It sounded like him.

James … _is that you?_

* * *

><p>Juliet hated Saturdays. She was probably the only person currently alive who did. Saturday's meant having time on her hands. She could go into work, but then that just got people talking about how much of a workaholic she was and didn't she have a life and why would anyone work on a Saturday unless you had a prick like Edmund Burke for an ex-husband. Really it's a wonder she had her sanity still in check. Though given the strange questioning nosy looks she often got from other employees she had to wonder what they must think of her or perhaps she was better off not knowing that?<p>

What did she do for the day? Ring Rachel, spend some sisterly time together.

"Oh god sorry Jules but I can't stop throwing up this morning maybe I'll feel better in the afternoon and we can go get coffee …' Rachel broke off there and Juliet heard her gagging.

It sounded awful, why would any sane woman want to get pregnant?

"You alright Rachel?"

"I'll be fine in another hour or two," she returned, "talk to you later."

Juliet hung up. Now what? Maybe she should go for a really long walk. That might clear her head and it would keep her busy for a few hours at least.

It was a beautiful morning for it as well. The sun was shining brightly now it was spring and the flowers were in bloom. The air had that warm feeling to it as it caressed her cheeks.

Walking, she should do this more often, this was nice. And she was exercising and where did that big black cloud suddenly come from? That couldn't be good?

A sudden loud crack of thunder made her jump and rain poured down.

Shit, miles from home, in the middle of a park and she was completely drenched within minutes.

She shut her eyes. It felt nice in a weird sort of way. This straight rain, no wind, it reminded her of something …

"Hey lady give me ya wallet," came a gruff rough voice.

Her eyes shot open and some seedy looking young guy stood there, holding a knife. And this is what happened when she tried to do something good for herself, she mused dryly, just her luck.

_She could take him._ Where had that thought come from? Don't do anything rash Juliet, she chided.

"C'mon bitch, just give me ya wallet."

She should be terrified but suddenly she was overwhelmed with anger. _He was a light weight after all, she could take him._

"No!"

"What'd ya mean no?"

"You heard me."

The young man looked furtively from side to side.

"You want me to stick ya?"

"Just you try it."

He was uncoordinated, it wasn't hard to grab his arm and flip him onto his back, amazing her and startling the young man. She stepped on his hand. He writhed in pain and she quickly grabbed the knife.

"I think you should get a real job," she hissed.

He blinked seeming dazed. She stepped off his hand and the young man scrambled to his feet and took off. Juliet drew a deep breath, god that felt good! That felt really good, empowering. She couldn't believe she had just done something ... like that.

"Juliet?" A voice called and she looked up to see James approach her.

Was she seeing things now? Mixed emotions made her stomach churn. What was he doing here?

"Are you alright?" he asked as he reached her, sounding breathless.

"I-I he wanted my wallet, he pulled a knife on me …" she stammered, feeling like she had seen a ghost.

Was he following her? But why would he?

"Looks like he got the raw end of the deal from what I could see," he remarked, eyeing her curiously but she didn't miss hearing the admiration in his voice. "Where did you learn to do that?"

Juliet swallowed. "I don't know?"

She saw the speculation in James' eyes.

"Remind me not to get you angry Blondie," he grinned, looking gorgeous and then the rain stopped as suddenly as it started.

She gazed into his face. His hair plastered to his head, water dripping off the ends and tried to shake the sudden sense of déjà vu. This moment, had she lived it before? She shook her head to clear it.

"W-What are you doing here James?"

"Walking, I live in those apartments over there," he replied pointing in their direction.

She didn't know he lived within only a few miles from her. She looked back into his curious eyes again. Funny how he was so close?

A slight frown dented his forehead. "What are doing in this neck of the woods Juliet?"

"I was bored, felt like a walk," she admitted, "and here I was thinking walking was good for you," she continued, an ironic smile crossing her face, "clearly it's not."

He smiled in return, his eyes raking over her drenched appearance.

"You're soaked."

"So are you."

"How about we head back to my apartment and get dried off, it's closer," he suggested.

Juliet opened her mouth, about to protest. His apartment, should she? Not at all sure if that was a wise idea seeing the weird affect he had over her. Not to mention them meeting like this, that was odd.

"Unless you'd rather walk home in wet clothes and catch your death of cold," he continued.

She shut her mouth. Of course she was being ridiculous.

"Okay, you're apartment it is."

"Let's go then jungle girl."

Juliet looked at him startled for a moment _what had he called her?_

"Just a dream I had, never mind," he muttered, averting his gaze, "this way."

He dreamt of jungles too? She followed in step with him. And would be glad to get out of the wet clothes, the wind had kicked in now and it was getting cold.

"You often dream about girls in jungles?" she asked lightly.

She could imagine what type of girls, like his long legged, drop dead gorgeous ex-girlfriend whom he'd just dumped last night. He probably had a string of girls like that. Men were completely shallow.

"Not really," he replied, "just you Blondie."

She stopped dead in her tracks. Was he teasing her now? She glanced into his unreadable expression.

"You dream about me?"

He shifted his gaze, "just the odd dream," he replied.

"Why?"

He shrugged, looking confused. "I don't know."

But that was so weird, hadn't _she_ just dreamed about _him_ last night? Goosebumps popped up on her arms and legs, she shivered.

"It's not unusual for me to dream about people I'm working with on a case with," he added.

Of course that is all it was and she felt herself relax.

* * *

><p>Juliet was freezing by the time they reached his apartment. Her teeth were clattering together. James opened the door, glanced at her.<p>

"You look cold."

She nodded in agreement. "Was it warm in the jungle?" she got out, not even knowing why she asked that.

He raised an eyebrow, closing the door behind them.

"It's a dream you don't have the touch sensation," he returned, gave her a thoughtful look, "you ever notice that."

"Its b-because it's a dream, dreams are not real."

"True but for the record, it's humid in the jungle."

"You felt that?"

The faint lines in his brow deepen. "Nah I just sort of know."

He said the oddest things, he really was not like any man she had met before and she could feel her curiosity start to pick up.

He glanced at her, "you need to get out of those wet clothes."

Yes she did but into what?

"You can wear something of mine," he continued.

Oh even better, this so was not happening to her. She was about to protest but he'd already disappeared down the hallway. Damn. She took in her surroundings. His apartment was almost as plain and unlived in as hers was.

James returned and handed her some clothes and a towel.

"I-I'm sure this isn't necessary, you know just a towel will do …"

He gave her a patient look. "You're shivering and dripping on my doorstep Blondie, I swear my bathroom is clean enough, have yourself a hot shower."

There was no point in arguing, this would just end up more awkward than it already was.

James watched her leave, shook his head, Juliet in his apartment. He never brought women here. It was his private domain, what little time he spent in it, but well neither had he expected to run into Juliet. Could hardly believe his eyes when he saw her and started thinking stupid things like _was fate toying with him?_ Wasn't it bad enough that he thought about her far too often and even dreamt about her? And he'd seen the guy pull the knife, had starting running in her direction, a sudden urgency hitting him, if anything _happened _to her ... but no need for the worry. She so deftly dealt with him in a way that should have astounded him. Strangely it hadn't.

He had gazed into her pale face and saw the sparks of anger mixed with triumphant flashing in her eyes and it was like time had stopped. Just momentarily ... _who was she?_

The jungle girl, from his dreams, they were same, _one_ but not, two different people. Fuck but it was doing his head in.

James went to his room, took off his wet clothes and changed into a pair of jeans and an old sweatshirt. He heard the shower stop, tapped on the door with his knuckles.

"You want a coffee Juliet?" he asked.

"Yes thanks."

"White, one sugar right?"

"Yes."

How did he know that? When had he ever made her coffee? But he must have at some stage? Shaking his head James made his way to the kitchen, filled the kettle with water and switched it on. He grabbed two cups from the cupboard and looked up in time to see Juliet enter the kitchen. And seeing her wearing his clothes ... that was ... he can't figure out the warm tingling feeling in the pit of his stomach. She looked shy almost, hesitant and adorably cute.

"Looks better on you than me," he said.

She bit down on her lip and he could tell she didn't believe him. That's right her ex, not big on compliments, specialised in put downs, the _sadist_. And she had built a wall around her heart from all those years trapped with him.

She had to get away from him, find herself again. Find the girl in the blue turquoise dress.

Juliet ignored the warmth spreading through her body. She wasn't supposed to feel that anymore and is he for real? Maybe he wasn't wearing his contact lenses? And why was he sort of looking at her intensely? His eyes rested on her lips

"Cute," he murmured, and colour spiked her cheeks.

"I don't do cute." Her voice husky.

He tilted his head back and eyed her, a slow lazy smile crossing his face. "Are you blushing Juliet?"

"No," she snapped, "it's from the shower." Liar, liar, pants on fire.

"So did my bathroom pass the cleanliness test?" he asked.

"For a guy you're pretty neat but then it looks as if you don't spend a lot of time in your apartment," she replied, studying him cursing this stupid curiosity she felt towards him.

"I work a lot," he replied, "like you."

He had her there, did that mean he was a loner too? She couldn't see any memorabilia, no photos, nothing. She knew her own flat was devoid of these things only because she hadn't had time to get them out of boxes since moving to the apartment ... how long was it now?

"You don't have any photos in your apartment?" she pointed out, curiosity finally getting the better of her.

"Neither do you," he returned.

He had her there.

The kettle boiled and James switched it off, poured the hot water into the cups, she noted the way his hair fell down over his brow into his eyes, sexy hair.

"I ... they are still in my cupboards."

He glanced at her. "One sugar right?"

Good guess.

"And you have yours black?"

He raised an eyebrow. "How do you know that?"

"I noticed in the staff room."

Well she figured she must have and looked up to find him watching her. He gave her that look again, the one that unnerved her.

"So you have photos in the cupboard too?" she asked lightly.

"Not into photos."

"Why?"

He gave a brief smile, shook his head and shrugged. "I don't like reminders."

Reminders of what he didn't have, what he'd lost but he could hardly tell her that, secrets he took to his grave. She was being a bit nosy, not like her? But then he'd brought her here, maybe he shouldn't have?

"Not even graduation photos?"

He shook his head. "Though I probably do have some floating about the place."

"What about family?" she asked and he could see the curiosity in her eyes.

He handed her a cup of coffee, averted his eyes from hers.

"I don't have any family," he murmured, turning towards the bench to pick up his own cup of coffee, a handy distraction. He waited for more questions, they didn't come. He turned and looked at her. Saw that strange compassion in her eyes like last night. Felt an odd compelling desire to tell her _everything_. She would understand wouldn't she, what that pain of loss meant? What it felt like to wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and not like what you see. The hatred he carried in his heart for just _one_ person, the person who stole everything and left him with nothing more than an empty shell inside. She would know what that felt like.

"Let's talk about Edmund," he said.

Juliet hadn't expected the suddenness of that! But it was so obvious he didn't want to talk about family or his lack of one. She had briefly noticed the shadows in his eyes. What had happened to him? And how convenient of him to distract her by mentioning Edmund.

"Again?" she returned, feeling her own defence mechanism kick into place.

"That's why I'm here Juliet."

Of course it was. He was working on a case and she was just part of it. It would pay for her to remember that.

"But I told you everything."

So why did he look as if he didn't believe her and of course she was lying. And then it clicked, Rachel. He must have talked to Rachel and knowing Rachel, she would have told him everything, the whole sorry story.

"Why don't we sit down," he suggested.

If she could she would have made some hasty excuse and retreat but she was stuck here, in his apartment, wearing his clothes with no means of transport unless she fancied walking the couple of miles to her apartment. Legs were already aching, not used to walking so far.

She nodded in agreement. They sat down at the table, he pulled out a chair, damn those manners. She sat like an obedient child.

"Let me guess," she began, might as well get straight to it, "you talked to Rachel."

He had the audacity to look guilty and slightly ashamed. "Yes."

Her life was an open book. He knew everything about her.

"I've only got another five years to go," she muttered, clutching the cup tightly in her hands.

She didn't want to look into his eyes and see pity. _Silly me_ look what I did, married an asshole and then signed a ten year contract with him to save my sister.

"I can't break the contract can I," she continued hating the slight tremor in her voice.

"No." His voice sad almost tender and her eyes met his stormy ones.

She could almost swear that he cared about her, that her sorry state of affairs bothered him. As to why it should?

"But if we find a way to compromise his professionalism, make him play his hand, expose what he is going to do then that would lead to him being charged and then that could effectively terminate any contract you have with him."

Juliet never dared to hope, not even the slightest.

"And how do you do that?" she asked.

"Find his weakness."

She gave a mirthless laugh. "He doesn't have one."

James gaze was intense, direct.

"Yes he does," he murmured.

She gave him a puzzled look.

"You Juliet."

She blinked, was he for real?

"How is that?" Her voice no more than a croak, she swallowed.

"Think about it, why would he want to hold on to you?"

"To make my life miserable," she got out.

"To satisfy his sadistic tendencies you mean and if suddenly you are not there, if you go ..."

She looked at him wordlessly.

"He ain't got nothin'. What does he do then?"

James picked up his cup and took a sip. "I somehow get the feeling he'll do whatever he can to keep you around."

He put his cup back on the table, gave her a shrewd look. "I bet if you suddenly started getting confident, happy that would eat away at him like nothin' else."

"It would make him worse!" she exclaimed not liking where this conversation was going or what James was implying.

His expression was thoughtful, reflective.

"Can you be brave Blondie?"

She opened her mouth, _could she? S_hut it again.

James leant forward, elbow resting on the table.

"You really want to be free of him?"

She nodded and whispered "yes" in a fierce voice.

"Good, so let's do what we can, what it takes."

His voice, his gaze was so compelling.

"So what do we do?" she asked.

"I'll figure something out but as of Monday you are going to be different."

She raised an eyebrow. "How?"

"Confident Juliet, ya gonna talk more to people, smile more, laugh even."

She could do that _couldn't _she?

"And no more matron buns," he continued, "leave it ... well looser or something."

Juliet bit down on her lip.

"You look pretty with it flowing and free and try to dress a bit more ... nicer, more feminine or something."

Juliet felt her face redden. She didn't know whether to feel indignant or embarrassed? He is telling her how to dress now!

"I don't have anything nice to wear," she blurted out and could kick herself for saying that.

"So go shopping," he suggested and glanced at his watch, "it's not even lunch yet you have plenty of time."

Juliet opened her mouth to say something. Then shut it, she was beginning to feel like a gold fish and she could swear there was a hint on amusement in those far too gorgeous eyes of his. Damn him.

"So what do you think?" he asked.

She looked at him directly.

"Do you know of any good self defence classes?"

He gave her a baffled look. "Huh?"

"Just something I really feel like doing."

* * *

><p>Juliet was in his dreams again, this time they were running from flaming arrows, he had hold of her hand in his. She stumbled, he pulled her up, she clutched on to him. He saw the terror in her eyes.<p>

"It's alright, I got you."

Then he woke with a jolt. Damn, damn stupid dreams always leaving him feeling weird and they were so realistic, like it really had happened or something.

It had only been eight days. Just days with her, it wasn't possible to fall in love in just eight days? Him in love, preposterous, not possible.

So why did the sight of her that morning and the sweet smile she gave him make his heart thud in his chest, damn it. There was something different about her this morning. It's the hair. She hasn't tied in back in that severe matron bun she was so fond of. Oh that's right he'd told her not to. And it seemed she was prepared to take his advice. He couldn't be sure. She had looked sort of shell shocked on the Saturday morning when he'd suggested it. It's still tied back, but loose tendrils of hair curled around her face and was she wearing lipstick? She looked pretty.

He still wasn't sure if his idea would work but they had to try something.

"You believe in reincarnation?" he asked her later that morning when they are sorting out testing tubes.

"I don't know," she replied, "why do you?"

"Well sometimes I feel like I've lived before," he confessed.

"There is a scientific explanation for that."

"Yeah I don't want hear it, it'll spoil everything," he grumbled.

He passed a tray of test tubes to her. She took them from him her fingers lightly brushing against his. He gazed into those amazing eyes of hers.

"Sometimes I feel like I know you Juliet, like we've met before."

There it was out in the open now. Her eyes widened and the tray of test tubes fell from her hands and crashed to the ground.

"Fuck," she murmured shocked, gazing down at the broken glass around their feet.

Fuck alright, what was with that reaction? His eyes met hers.

"You feel it too?"

She bit down on her lip and nodded. His feelings were now in total disarray. What was with that? How could she feel what he was feeling?

He tore his gaze away from hers, rubbed his forehead with his hand. His ears were buzzing. This was just too weird.

"We should probably clean up this mess," he hurriedly said, not knowing what else to say, needing a distraction.

"Yes we should," she hastily agreed.

James found a dustpan and broom. Juliet started sweeping the glass up.

"You dream of jungles too?" he asked lightly, "and flaming arrows?"

She spun around so fast, knocking the microscope from the bench. James managed to catch it just in time.

"Hell Blondie what is wrong with you?" he exclaimed.

She stammering now, taking the microscope from his hands, averting her eyes.

"I'm just clumsy lately."

She's lying he can tell.

"That's funny because I could swear you went all strange when I mentioned the arrows."

Her frightened eyes met his. "I dream of you," she got out in a tight voice.

He took a step towards her, now they were standing face to face. His heart was pounding in his chest.

"What if we did meet in another life?"

"I don't believe in re-incarnation," she whispered in reply.

And yet here they were, both feeling the same thing, feeling as if they had met before.

Raising a hand he touched her face. She looked at him startled. He ran a thumb over her chin, his eyes falling to her lips. Right now this pull towards her was stronger than ever and he didn't understand it. What was with all the conflicting emotions suddenly assailing him? He saw the uncertainity in her eyes.

"They are just dreams James, a coincidence, nothing more," she murmured.

The door to the lab opened, startling the both of them and he turned around to see Edmund Burke standing there, his eyes cold, calculating. The devil himself, James mused and just how much had he seen?

"Working hard I see," Edmund remarked, his eyes narrowing.

Obviously enough to make him suspicious and James moved away, back to what he was doing on the other side of the bench, filling damn test tubes with some sticky substance.

Edmund walked purposely towards Juliet and started talking about some latest data. James watched him carefully. Was surprised by the level of hate he felt towards the man.

"This is inaccurate Juliet," he heard Edmund say to her, "that's not like you."

"Well I thought it was right," she replied.

He gave her a mocking look. "And your attentions haven't been taken up elsewhere?" he enquired glancing in his direction.

James pretended to be fascinated with the test tubes.

"You surely don't think a good looking guy like him would be interested in you?" he scoffed and James gritted his teeth. "Besides he has a girlfriend."

"Had," James piped up, gave Edmund a sheepish look, "we broke up. What can I say she had a great body but not much in the way of up here," he continued pointing to his head.

Edmund's eyes narrowed. He didn't like that, James mused an idea taking shape in his head. What if Juliet found another man? How would he take that?

Edmund glanced back at Juliet. "Well Juliet has brains but that's about it," he said looking at her with disdain, "no man is going to be interested in a shapeless frumpy thing like you."

James clenched and unclenched his fist. Felt like punching the guy out. But he knew the guy is only playing mental games with her. That is the way he operated and he was in fine form currently.

Juliet glared at him. "Are you done here Edmund?" she snapped.

Edmund's expression grew cold. "Call by my office at the end of the day, we need to talk about that other matter."

"I'll see how I go for time," Juliet replied, her whole body rigged, hate flashing in her eyes.

That's the spirit, James felt like saying. That was his girl ... _no _she wasn't his girl.

Edmund turned and left and silence fell. James waited for Juliet to speak. She was staring absently at the door Edmund had exited, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

It was taking a while.

"That wasn't so bad ..." James began.

"He'll save it for later when I'm alone in his office," she muttered, "out of your ear shot."

_Alone_ in his office, James didn't like the thought of that. He didn't like her around that bastard at all!

"Don't go."

She shook her head, glanced briefly at him, "that other matter."

Of course, she had to go. He was fast losing his objectivity here, had to remind himself that he was here to solve a case _nothing more_.

"I'll wait for you."

* * *

><p>James paced, couldn't explain the uneasiness in the pit of his stomach. What was Edmund saying to her? It was one thing, him advising her to act more confident to get Edmund's goat, but with Edmund constantly putting her down and underminding her ... that would be easier said than done.<p>

Phase two needed to be put into motion. Juliet needed to find a man. He could just imagine her reaction to that!

The lab door slammed open and James jumped startled. Juliet looked pissed off and visibly upset. James was almost too afraid to ask and figured it was better to wait for her to speak.

"Let's get out of here and get stinking drunk," she muttered, grabbing her handbag from a drawer.

James didn't know what to say? He took the few measured steps towards her.

"You sure about that?"

She glared at him. If looks could kill, he mused, okay time to just agree with her.

"Great, let's get pissed then."

He noticed the tears glistening on her eyelashes. God he felt bad, wanted to demand what that bastard had said to her but she would tell him when she was ready ... wouldn't she?

"There's a tavern just one block away," she spoke, her voice calm and steady, "the food is pretty good there."

"Are you asking me out on a date girl?"

She managed a brief smile. "You get to be the designated driver."

* * *

><p>He ordered a beer, she a gin and tonic. They sat down in a nice secluded booth. Juliet seemed more composed now. Maybe it was time to talk.<p>

"So that other matter," James prompted.

"He wants me to sign over my half of the fertility cure to him."

James looked up surprised. What the hell?

"Say's he will pay me for it," she continued, stirring her drink with the straw.

"What did you say?"

She looked at him evenly and said the last thing he'd expected, "I told him I would do it if he cancelled my contract of working for him."

James went still _she what?_

"You know what he said?" Sparks of anger flashed in her eyes.

James shook his head.

"No," she stated heatedly, "the prick would rather torment me for another five years than stand to make millions of dollars on a sale from that fertility treatment."

James wasn't surprised.

"I told you he won't let you go."

Wishing he was wrong, especially when he saw the bleakness in her eyes and he just had to ask.

"What if he'd said yes Juliet?"

Her eyes met his. "I would have let him have it," she admitted, "anything to get away from him."

"What's to say he would have honoured the contract?" he pointed out, "it's your cure Juliet, you discovered it, don't let him get away with selling it to the highest bidder, it'll only ever be at your expense."

Shadows crossed her face, shadows he understood and he felt himself wanting to banish them away. As if he could. Who the hell was he to change what she was, what had happened to her? He ran a hand over his face. His objectivity was fast disappearing _again_.

"We will find a way to bring Edmund down," he continued because maybe that was just one thing he could do for her. It wouldn't change the past, nothing can change that but it'd certainly make the future better.

She gave him a doubtful look. "How?" she began, "and I know, be more confident and stuff but you really think that will work?"

"Let's see what ole Edmund would do if you happened to find another man."

Juliet choked on her drink, coughed, spluttered and looked at him through teary eyes.

"Are you serious?"

He tried not to smile at her horrified expression.

"And where or how am I going to find a man?"

"Well there is one sitting in front of ya."

Juliet blinked, shell shocked. "What ... You!"

Both of James' hands went up. "Bingo."

She frowned.

"I know you hate men Juliet ..."

"I don't hate men," she snapped, "only some men."

"Well how about I begin to take an interest in you, now that you are confident, friendly, sassy even," he continued, ignoring her pointed looks, "you take an interest in me ..."

He chose to ignore the frown crossing her forehead. "It won't work."

He sighed, rolled his eyes. "Why not?"

"You think that'll get Edmund angry?"

"The guy thinks you belong to him, and he's had free reign over you for years," James replied bluntly, "for one," he continued, pushing down on his little finger, "you haven't been out with a man since the divorce and two. You don't have a social life. You live for your job and who happens to control that Blondie?"

Juliet squirmed and dropped her face from his gaze. He didn't want to make her feel ashamed but she needed to see it for what it was, the control he had over her.

"He does."

A shadow flittered across her gaze and he could see her resolve was slowly crumbling.

"So why not try something you've not done in five years, why not get a life for yourself, go out with friends, get a boyfriend."

"Which will be you?" she quipped, a very brief smile crossing her face.

"C'mon girl give it a shot, give it a couple of weeks."

_That's all I'm askin' _What? Did he say that?

Juliet blinked again, he was so compelling. She slowly turned her eyes to his.

"Okay," she sighed, would probably live to regret it.

He smiled looking far too irresistible.

"Just pretending right James," she said.

Not at all sure if she could but having no doubts that somehow he'd have it down pact.

"Sure thing."

"And it's not as if you'll fall in love," she continued, eyes skimming over his face, trying to read what he was thinking.

"I don't fall in love."

Of course not and why? How could he go through life never having loved someone? The thought of that was just sad.

"And it's not as if any man is going to get through the armour you've built around your heart Juliet."

He had a point. She gave an empty laugh. Well if nothing else this should prove interesting, she mused and held up her glass.

"Here's to bringing Edmund down."

"I'll drink to _that_," he said, raising his glass.

They clink them together and then brought them to their lips. Juliet had to ask herself one question. James might not fall in love but what about _her?_ What if she did fall in love ... with _him?_ Hoped that armour she'd built around her heart was tough enough because right now this man, him sitting right in front of her with his gorgeous smile and warm grey blue eyes, made her heart beat race in a way that left her feeling very unsettled.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Let me know your thoughts on this, they are always welcomed. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it!**

**Many thanks to Eyeon for doing an edit check for me. I would be lost without you!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sorry it has been so long! I've been incredibly busy but here is another chapter finally on this story and I hope people are still following! **

**Enjoy.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 6.<strong>

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><p>James was good for his word. He flirted with her in the staffroom in front of everyone during that week. He certainly could be charming. It was hard not to fall under his spell, not to mention it had been forever and a day since a man had paid her that much attention. She had to keep reminding herself that it wasn't real, ignoring the small voice inside her head that whispered <em>but what if it wasn't. <em>But she couldn't trust again, couldn't go there, couldn't risk being that hurt, couldn't risk confronting her own fears of loving someone and then being betrayed by them.

"I told you he liked you," Chelsea murmured in her ear come Wednesday, sounding slightly mollified.

Juliet felt like telling her it was all just an act and there was no way a good looking man like James would be attracted to her. Instead she had to play the role of the, oh so happy girl.

Edmund was certainly agitated by the end of the week when he called her into his office. She braced herself for the onslaught of his cutting remarks that would no doubt come. He sat down on his leather chair. She stood close to the door, in case she needed to make a hasty retreat.

"Sit down." He gestured to the chair opposite his desk.

"I'm fine right here," she returned stiffly.

He smirked in that arrogant annoying way. "I don't bite."

She knew exactly what he was capable of and biting was the least of it.

"Have you given any more thought to my offer?" he casually asked.

"I already told you my price."

"Ah yes me terminating our contract," he spoke, his eyes glittered coldly, "but I can't do that," he continued, "I like having you around, I need your clever brain Juliet."

She shut her eyes cursing her clever brain. That is all she ever was to him, someone to use and abuse. She heard him rise from his chair and her eyes shot open. He walked with slow deliberation towards her. Juliet stood rooted to the spot, wary.

"I'll miss you too much," he continued, coming face to face with her.

Juliet shivered, hating the way he stood in her personal space, how often he did that, it made her skin crawl. His eyes lingered on her hair and the curls she'd left loose at her temples, a question in there depths.

How soon till she could get out of here? Much to her chagrined he raised a hand and touched her hair, she shivered.

"Is this for him?" he murmured.

Her throat went dry. "Who?"

"Jim," he returned, "but I hear you call him James."

His fingers now brushed against her cheek and Juliet felt bile rise in her throat. He hadn't touched her in a long while and she had been so glad about that, so why now?

"You think it's a good idea getting close to your research assistant?"

"It's just a bit of harmless flirting," she returned lightly.

Edmund's eyes wondered over her body in that mocking way of his.

"I can't see why he would want to flirt with you?" he began.

His hand dropped from her face and rested on her waist. Sudden fear gripped her, the last time he'd done this ... but she didn't want to remember that, that awful moment in time.

"You really have let yourself go and such a shame," he hissed, his expression darkening, "I remember when I could feel your hip bones but not now," he continued.

Juliet gasped, feeling mortified and angry at the same time.

"Get your hands off me," she said fiercely stepping back from him.

He gave her a mocking look. "Guess when it comes to Jim there is not accounting for taste on his behalf."

She hadn't meant to slap his face but she just couldn't help it, surprising herself.

Rubbing his face his eyes hardened.

"I'm only trying to do you a favour Juliet. You don't want to get your heart broken and believe me he's not going to stay interested in you for long and what is to say he's not using you?"

"Like you did," she flung at him.

He gave a sardonic laugh, eyes resting on her face. "Juliet," he sighed, almost looking at her fondly now, "but it was good while it lasted."

"It was never good!" she hissed, feeling nothing but complete hatred towards him.

The smile left his face, he gripped her by the wrist painfully, pressed his face towards hers.

"I made you what you are, a top medical researcher," he said, his voice barely a whisper, but the threat behind the words every bit evident, "don't you forget that."

She yanked her wrist free of his hand, rubbing the red marks left there, swallowing hard. Turning on her heel she stormed out of his office and then the tears threatened. She made a hasty retreat to the toilet. She couldn't let James see her upset. And this, this really was a bad idea, trying to make Edmund jealous. She knew only too well what he was capable off and that little scene, just now, was really nothing to what he could do. Turning the cold water tap on she shoved her wrist underneath it, the cool water soothing on her burning skin. She hastily brushed the tears away. She had to talk James out of making Edmund jealous, she couldn't take this. She could take the words, the cutting remarks but she couldn't take him touching her. It brought back to many bad memories. Memories she wanted to forget _forever._

Once composed she returned to the lab. James was reading the paper. He looked up when she entered.

"You've been gone for ages," he said, his eyes resting on her face, "you alright?"

It was hard to put anything over him, he was far too observant.

"Of course," she shrugged.

At lunch she ordered a salad, but toyed around with it, pushing those leaves aside. She looked up to find James watching her, a puzzled look on his face.

"You've been quiet," he spoke, "so what did the jerk say to you?"

"Just the usual," she shrugged, "went on about how fat I am now."

She didn't mention the part about him touching her, or her slapping his face, made sure the sleeve of her shirt covered her wrist. She couldn't bring herself to tell James, still felt the shame.

"Is that why you're eating salad for lunch?"

Glancing at him Juliet could see him studying her face, unnerving her.

She just shrugged. "Well he is right about that much."

James put down his fork.

"You do realise he is going to get worse with the insults from here on out."

Juliet gave a hallow laugh. "Maybe I should lose weight then so he can't use that as ammo."

Or disappear into thin air. That would be much easier.

James frowned, his gaze direct. "Don't you dare," he got out, "don't you dare lose weight for him."

She looked at him surprised.

"Don't give him the satisfaction of having gotten to you."

Just great, here she is sitting opposite this gorgeous looking guy and he's telling her not to lose weight, the irony of that, every girls dream but not for the right reasons.

"So what do I do then James?"

He gave her an even look. "Be happy about it."

She nearly choked on one of those horrible salad leaves.

"Be happy with who you are, ain't nothing sexier than a confident woman, don't always matter what she weighs, not like you're ten ton Tessie or anything."

She gave him a sceptical look. "So you say you who only go out with beautiful slim women."

She had him there but not for the reasons she was undoubtedly thinking.

"I don't go out with them because of that," he admitted, dropping his gaze.

"Really?" She looked like she didn't believe him.

He sighed. "I choose a certain type of woman," he began, "the type that is generally full of themselves, vain, kind of hard to fall in love with those type of women."

He waited for her reprimands but they never came. He glanced up at her, saw the curiosity in her eyes.

"That's right you don't want to fall in love," she murmured, "but there must have been a time when you felt more than just shallow lust."

She had a way with words, had to admire that about her. In fact he admired too many things about her and when he gazed into those eyes of hers ... well yeah what he felt for her wasn't shallow lust as she put it, but a lot more, which he didn't want to feel or think too hard about.

He shook his head. "I generally took for the hills before it could happen," he returned.

Which is what he should be doing now but this pull towards her was too strong for him to go there and well he was working on a case. She needed him.

He saw the brief sadness in her eyes before she looked down at her plate of salad.

"I just don't know if I can exude that sort of confidence you talk about James," she admitted.

"Of course ya can, it'll just take a while that's all."

Though he wasn't sure either, Edmund had done such a good job of destroying all of her self-worth. That was how a sadistic narcissist operated, they devalued, demeaned, they destroyed the people that they used for their own grandiose images of self and once no longer in need of them they destroyed their victims sense of self. James clenched the fork tightly in his hand, well he'd just have to work at undoing what that ass had done, was still doing to her and get her to start believing in herself again because he knew there was a lot more to her, though as to how he did was beyond him. It was a gut feeling he had, and in his dreams she is different, stronger, confident and even sassy and he sees glimpses of that, in this other Juliet. She had to start standing up to Edmund is she ever stood the chance of getting over what he did to her.

"What'cha doing tonight?" he asked lightly.

"Nothing."

"How about I get a DVD out, buy some beer and pizza and come over?' he suggested.

She smiled. "You trying to fatten me up now?"

He laughed, "Nah it's kind of a novelty to be with a woman who isn't stressing about every little thing she puts in her mouth."

Her smile widened.

"Alright then, not like my social calendar is full."

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><p>Edmund's taunts stayed with Juliet though just as they always had. When she arrived home she went straight to the bathroom and critically examined herself. She hated him, with a vengeance and herself for being so stupid and marrying him to begin with, her own reflection mocking her <em>look at you, seriously Juliet you think any man is going to be attracted to you<em>.

His words becoming her thoughts, how did she stop that? How did she exude the sort of confidence that James talked about when she despised herself?

Tears pricked her eyes. How had she let this happen? She couldn't even recall the last time she had any sense of herself? Who she was? What she was? She mourned the damaged he did to her, grieved the loss of her ability to love and trust again, what he'd robbed her off. She was frozen, not knowing how to fix her self-esteem, always burying herself in her work as a means to escape facing her innermost fears but maybe it was time she started fighting back and then she could move on _if only._

Tearing her gaze away from the mirror she left the bathroom and went back into her bedroom, rifling through the clothes in her wardrobe, all drab and boring just like her sorry life.

How in the hell was she ever going to do sexy? She groaned inwardly, James was either the best thing that had happened to her or the worst? He evoked feelings and emotions in her that were long forgotten. And she did but didn't want it, if that made sense because it made no sense to her. And could she trust him? Here was a man who didn't want to _fall in love._ What did that say about him? Why didn't he want to fall in love? But she only had to look at herself and her own reasons, a result of marrying Edmund, so what had happened to James to make him that way?

She glanced down at her watch. She had over an hour before James got here. Time enough to do some clothes shopping, god but she hated clothes shopping, always hating everything she tried on, never able to decide what looked good, what didn't. She was hopeless at it. She needed Rachel with her. Rachel would be honest. She would ring her and arrange a time to go shopping tomorrow.

Sighing she got dressed into a pair of black pants and a light blue shirt leaving her hair loose because well James liked it that way and it's not as if she had anything else going for her but her pretty hair, that's what he called it.

Not that she wanted to attract him, right? Of course not, she scoffed. Okay, well maybe just a little.

She heard his knock on the front door and went to answer it, tried to put on a happy face.

Of course he looked gorgeous in denim jeans and black t-shirt, his hair falling into his eyes and that smile on his handsome face. It made her breath catch in her throat.

He handed her a bunch of flowers, yellow daisies; her favourite.

"For me?"

"Thought you needed cheering up."

Did she ever after her encounter with Edmund today and that was sweet of him, thoughtful. How would he know what her favourite flowers were?

"Thanks."

She took the flowers from him and he followed him into the kitchen with the beer and pizza.

"So what DVD did you get?" she asked over her shoulder.

He held it up. "Back to the future," he grinned, "all three of them."

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><p>Juliet didn't eat with her usual relish, James noticed, obviously Edmund must have said some pretty cutting things to her and given her words at lunch <em>I don't think I can exude that sort of confidence.<em> And he couldn't rationalise the anger he felt towards that bastard of an ex-husband, felt like punching him out. Of course that wouldn't be the sensible thing to do but it would feel damn good.

She was beautiful in her own quiet unassuming way. If only she could see that.

"I know what I said at lunch about you not losing weight for Edmund but if you want to it's really up to you," he said lightly taking a swig of his beer, "I can't tell you what to do, not my right."

She frowned and her cheeks reddened slightly. He noticed the hint of discomfort on her face, shouldn't have said anything. "Especially if it's going to stop you feeling confident about yourself," he hastily added, "not that you should because you know you are still pretty and all."

She raised an eyebrow, and the way she did that just brought back that whole feeling of déjà vu again.

"I don't do pretty," she quipped.

They were sitting on the couch eating pizza, her cross legged, hair partially obscuring her face and before he was even aware of what he was doing, he raised a hand and brushed it back from her face. He had wanted to touch her hair since he'd arrived here. It looked so beautiful and was soft just like he knew it would be.

"Why not Juliet?" he murmured.

Juliet's breath caught in her throat. He was looking at her so intensely, her heart beat suddenly increasing in her chest, mesmerised by his eyes, his voice.

"Because you hate men," he continued.

"Because you don't want to fall in love," she returned.

He shook his head a slow smile crossing his face.

"We are a fine pair, you and I."

Oh lordy but this man had this effect over her, she liked his attention all too much. She had been attention deprived for too long, that had to be it, not to mention that she liked his company and well they surprisingly got along really well, had similar interest, things in common and she felt strangely comfortable around him. She never felt comfortable around men. And he was the exact sort of man to steer clear of at all cost, a man who never wanted to fall in love. What was she doing with him?

They drank more wine, she giggled far too much during the film but he loved hearing it. Her laughter was infectious.

When he left to go home at midnight he suggested maybe they go for a walk in the morning.

"I'll pick you up at eight Blondie," he said.

She screwed up her nose. "You know I girl does need her beauty sleep James."

"I didn't think you did pretty," he quipped.

She grinned, her hand resting on his chest. "You are quick off the mark."

It was the first time she had touched him so openly and he could so easily pull her close, kiss her and he wanted to and then that thought shocked him. Everything had always been an act with him, the smooth charming guy he pretended to be around the ladies, but what he felt in that moment was anything but an act. And it had been so long since he ever felt ... this ... whatever it was?

"You're not going to throw that in my face all the time now?" she continued.

He smiled, grabbed her hand as it left his chest and lightly squeezed her fingers. She was doing his head in.

"Most probably, until you start thinking being pretty isn't such a bad thing," he continued.

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><p>James was always prompt. She heard the doorbell ring as she was pulling her joggers on, groaning she dashed down the hallway, yanking the front door open.<p>

"You know you can be fashionably late at times," she said a little breathlessly from rushing to get dressed in a hurry.

He just smiled in that slow sexy way, "you always hated getting up early."

Juliet froze. What did he say? A puzzled look crossed his face.

"I meant that as a question, wrong tense," he hastily added.

Juliet felt herself relax, she didn't even want to discuss similar dreams and déjà vu's with him again, because that was all just weird and nothing but coincidence.

She hadn't known him before, end of story.

"So is that a police thing? Always having to be on time?"

"No that would be my Aunt, she was a stickler for rules and good manners," he replied.

Juliet's ears pricked up. She thought he had no family? Or was that just parents?

"You still see her?"

"Not as often as I should." His expression becoming guarded and whatever questions she wanted to ask she let drop. He obviously didn't want to discuss his past, yet he had brought it up. What had happened in his past to make him that way?

"Just let me tie my hair back," she continued turning around and reaching for a hair band from the coffee table. Why did he dislike discussing his past? How bad could it be? Pulling her hair back with one hand she looped the band around with her other hand and turning back around she found James watching her. She didn't miss the shadow flitter across his face, what was he thinking? A strange sort of longing mixed with sadness in his eyes ... now you are imagining things girl, she chided.

"Let's go Blondie," he spoke, sounding and looking perfectly normal.

She must have imagined it.

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><p>She walked fast, surprising him, since when did she have any time for walking when she lived for her work? Him included for that matter as Miles often remarked <em>there is life outside of work Jim.<em>

Maybe there was but it had never been enough to entice him to live it, till now. Now work was the last thing on his mind, instead he was thinking of ways to spend the day with Juliet without it sounding like he wanted to be with her. And her apartment block was getting closer. He estimated that he had five minutes left to come up with something.

"So what's ya plans today?" he casually asked as they strolled across the car park towards the stairwell.

"Shopping," she replied, "with my sister."

"Sounds fun."

She screwed up her nose and shook her head. "I hate shopping."

And damn but that stairwell was getting closer.

"That's different," he quipped, "for a woman."

She glanced over her shoulder at him and smiled. "Depends of what I'm shopping for."

He was curious now. "What are you shopping for?"

"Clothes, because my so called research assistant suggested that I, we make my ex-husband jealous."

It was about time she did, he couldn't help but to say "you thinking about buying that sexy black dress then?"

Her mouth opened and a hint of colour tinged her cheeks. He smiled.

"I don't go anywhere nice to wear something like that," she stated.

"Then I'll take you out to dinner somewhere fancy so ya can."

"I-I ... don't know," she stammered her cheeks reddening.

She was cute when she got all flustered.

"What are you doing tonight?" he quickly asked before she had a chance to think.

"Come on you need to live again, me too, what could it hurt?"

He could see her resolve breaking.

"Okay."

His smile widened, that was easier than he thought it would be but the smile left his face when he saw Juliet's ex-husband descending the stairwell. Juliet turned her face in Edmund's direction and went pale.

"What is he doing at my apartment," she gasped.

James was definitely not leaving her alone now, "I got this," he muttered and taking hold of her hand, they walked towards the stairwell.

Edmund stopped in his tracks when he saw them, his eyes taking in James, their clasped hands before resting on Juliet's face.

"Hey Ed," James called out

Edmund's eyes narrowed.

"What are you doing here?" Juliet asked.

"Just a little matter I wanted to discuss with you," Edmund returned and Juliet inwardly shivered, glad she wasn't home when he called and he never came to her apartment. Why would he?

"And it can't wait till Monday?" she said stiffly.

"No it can't, but if you come into work today ..." he began.

"I'm spending the day with James," she stated, leaning in closer towards him, glad he was here, she couldn't face being alone with Edmund after what had happened in his office yesterday. "Whatever you have to say to me can wait till Monday."

Edmund's face hardened and he looked at James with renewed hate.

"Well don't let me take up any more pressing time with your research assistant," he said coldly, "I'm sure it's only a matter of time before he becomes bored with you."

"Good day Edmund," Juliet nodded and tugged on James hand, pulling him along before he had a chance to say anything.

James was silently fuming as they descended the stairs and reached the front door of her apartment.

"He really is a piece of work," he muttered, "but I like the way you put in his place, you gotta stand up to him."

"That did feel good," she admitted giving a weak smile, that didn't reach her eyes and now he looked closer he noticed her pale complexion, the worry in her eyes as she fumbled for her house keys from her pocket.

James still had hold of her hand, and it felt right somehow, a half memory tugging away at the recesses of his mind, her hand, not wanting to let go of it _ever _a strange feeling stirring in the pit of his stomach, a feeling he can't explain. He looked down at her clasped hand in his, noticing what looked to be bruises circling her wrist and he raised her hand closer to his face to see them clearly.

"What happened to your wrist?" he asked, not liking what he saw.

"Nothing," she quickly replied pushing the door open, pulling her hand free of his and disappearing into her apartment.

James followed her inside, his heart sinking knowing full well those bruises were left from a hand imprint on her wrist. He was a detective after all.

"You want a coffee James?" she asked, busying herself by grabbing the kettle and filling it with water.

Now she was acting skittish another tell tale sign she was hiding something.

"Tell me the truth Juliet," he spoke, quietly, "I know what those bruises are from."

Her shoulders slumped and he wished she'd look at him but she just stood there at that sink, staring out the window, the water still running. He leaned over and turned the tap off, glanced at her side profile, resisting the urge to touch her, reassure her but she needed to talk to him.

"If you want me to help you then you have to start being honest with me."

"It was Edmund," she said slowly, struggling to suppress the tremor in her voice.

He should have guessed, that bastard and he hadn't thought of him getting physically abusive but now in hindsight he should have. He clenched and unclenched his fist, a sharp sudden anger hitting him square in the guts at the thought of Edmund hurting her. But he needed to remain calm, rationalise, damn but why was that so hard with her? He gently took her shoulders in her hands, making her face him. She looked miserable and he resisted the urge to pull her into his arms, hating seeing her this way.

"What happened?"

She took a deep breath, her eyes averted from his as if ashamed. She shouldn't have to feel that way and it made him sad and angry at the same time.

"I slapped his face," she confessed, "and then he reminded me of who I was, my position so to speak, him making me what I am."

James clenched his jaw, her eyes flashed with an emotion he could discern only as pain, deep, searing gut wrenching pain, a pain he wanted to erase.

"And he's right about that," she continued with a humourless laugh. "Look at what I am," she continued with a wave of her hand.

James shook his head, "so ya gonna believe that?"

Silence fell. She was staring back out the window again.

"Ya ex is a narcissist."

"I know what he is," she sighed, in a low sad voice.

"Then you need to get away from him, move on and get ya life back again."

"Easier said than done," she returned.

He hated seeing her this way, so dejected, this wasn't right. She didn't deserve this.

"I'll do whatever I can to help you," he murmured, "but you gotta trust me Juliet."

She turned to him suddenly, catching him by surprise. "Why should I trust you?"

Eyes full of reproach and good question, why should she? He could hardly blame her after everything Edmund had done it'd probably be a long time before she trusted another man and that thought saddened him. Pain streaked across her face. She sucked it up, took a deep breath.

"Tell me James," she began her voice wavering, "tell me why you don't want to fall in love?"

He didn't know what to say, he never talked about it, had vowed never to, didn't even know if he could?

"You want me to trust you," she continued, "you, someone who doesn't want to love, how is that different from Edmund ..."

"I'm nothing like ya ex," he stated, feeling rattled, "I'm not out to use anyone ..."

"What about all those young women you go out with?" she pointed out, "are you telling me that you are not using them?"

"I-I have needs," he defended running a hand through his hair, "I don't mean to hurt them," his voice broke off there, "aw hell."

He averted his gaze from her questioning one, stared mutedly at the sink and she was right. Not that he wanted to acknowledge it. It just made him despise himself even more.

"What are you afraid of James?" Her voice was soft, no recriminations now.

If he wanted her to trust him then he should be honest with her too, he owed her that, an explanation, the truth, something he had not told another living soul. He griped the sink with his hands, shut his eyes.

"When I was eight years old my father shot my mother and then himself," he muttered in a hoarse voice, "I was there, my mother made me hide under the bed, she was trying to protect me, not that it did her any good."

Juliet froze, felt a tightness in her stomach. She couldn't imagine it, him a small boy hiding under that bed, terrified and alone. It must have been horrible. Something no child should have to experience. He was gripping the sink so hard she could see his knuckles whiten, every line of his body rigid and tense. Her heart ached for him.

"There you go Blondie," he muttered, "I ain't told another soul that."

A feeling of tenderness swelled her heart as she gazed at him knowing this hadn't been an easy thing for him and an emotional barrier seemed to give way. He trusted her enough to tell her the truth, the only person he ever had ... her.

"James," she murmured, stroking his arm, "_I_s this why you don't want to love?"

He looked at her then, his face dark and hurting. "Couldn't chance turning out like my old man."

Juliet didn't know what to say, what could she say to make it better? But somehow she knew he wouldn't be anything like his father, she just knew with her whole heart that this man was someone who could love, unconditionally and then she inwardly chided herself. She didn't even know him! Even if it felt like she did, almost like this moment in time, had happened before. She shook her head, not possible.

"Why would you think that?"

"I feel the same rage," he confessed, "sometimes I want kill the man responsible, that man who conned my parents life savings from them by having an affair with my mother, making her believe something that wasn't real, leaving in his wake the outcome of his actions, my old man losing it ..." his voice broke off there, "the rest you know."

James was just as much a victim as she was. He knew what it was like, he understood, and it was the first time she had ever felt so connected to another person and then she did the unthinkable, something she hadn't done in a very long while, she reached up and put her arms around him, hiding her face against his neck. He smoothed her hair down and pressed his lips to the side of her head. They stood there like that, not saying anything to each other. After a few seconds, they pulled apart and Juliet felt awkward and shy. He looked as equally awkward as if this emotional frankness was just as new to him as it was to her.

"You think you can trust me?" he asked, his voice husky.

She slowly nodded her head. "Yes."

His face softened and the shadows in his eyes receded just a little.

"If we work together we can bring Edmund down and finally get you free of him for once and all."

Juliet bit down on her lip, her emotions still in a whirl wind. This man, these feelings, what had she just done? Allowed her defences to drop, allowed herself to feel and comfort him and it felt so right, as if this is what she had been waiting for her whole life _him. _No but that was crazy, wasn't it?

"Do you think Edmund will get violent?" James asked, sounded worried.

Her face went still. "Possibly but its more words with him, but he can, sometimes," she murmured averting her eyes.

He hated asking but he had to know and he could see her emotions were still raw, hell so were his. He just told her his miserable past, something he hadn't shared with anyone and it wasn't as hard as he thought it would be and the way she had held him, strangely comforting. This sudden tenderness he felt towards her was so strong. She was exactly the sort of woman he'd spent a lifetime running from, the type he could so easily fall in love with and hell it was probably too late now. No way could he leave her now that he had found her.

And damn but he had put her in a dangerous position by trying to make Edmund jealous. What the hell had he been thinking? What if she got hurt?

"I didn't think of him getting violent," he murmured, "I shouldn't have suggested we get him jealous."

She looked at him directly and he saw a hint of determination in her eyes.

"Well we've started it now. I guess we have to see it through, see what happens next."

A mixture of emotion swirled through him, unable to explain this sudden protectiveness he felt, the must 'look after Juliet'.

At the same time admiring this new found determination, just like the girl in his dreams.

He wanted to pull her back into his arms, feel her arms around him, that moment, so tender and sweet, familiar.

She was his soul mate.

It had always been her.

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><p><strong>AN: Please leave a review if you like, always VERY much appreciated. You wouldn't believe how long (given my work load) this has taken me and I could really do with the feedback.**

**To my dear friend Eyeon, I really hoped this cheered you up! I worked really hard to get this uploaded tonight just for you. Thinking of you.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Really really sorry it has taken me so long to upload another chapter on this story. Time has continued to get the better of me! That and bad writer's block which hopefully is behind me now.**

**Many thanks to all the great reviews for the last chapter, they really make my day as always. And hoping this chapter doesn't disappoint. **

**Enjoy.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 7.<strong>

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><p>All this emotional frankness left James feeling rattled, along with the sudden protective instincts he felt towards Juliet. Not to mention he had just shared his innermost secret with her. It had been a relief in some ways but it also led to him feeling a deeper connection with her. Was that a good thing? Did he still have a heart, because he had numbed himself for so long that it was as if he'd forgotten what it was to feel this intensely? And these feelings, wanting to be around her because she made him feel alive inside, also terrified him. He guessed that meant he still had a heart, surprisingly, did he risk taking the chance of having it broken again? And up until now he hadn't been willing to take such chances <em>ever<em>.

_Love _he had scoffed many times _could live without it. _In fact he'd being doing a damn good job of it, up until now that was.

_Liar,_ when was the last time he had felt happy, if ever, who was he kidding, living without love wasn't living. He was only fooling himself and what he felt now, these feelings in all their intensity was bliss. He wanted to feel alive again. Couldn't believe he'd deprived himself of it for so long.

Juliet had put her arms around him, held him, comforted him and understood his pain. He never had had that sort of closeness before. And yeah it was addictive alright. He hadn't wanted to let go. But she had stepped away and he hadn't missed seeing the confusion in her beautiful eyes.

And now he stood there feeling awkward, him, James Ford, awkward, almost laughable and he could clearly see she felt the same.

She was nervous. Everything had suddenly shifted between them and he could see she was at a lost to know what to do with it, tucking an errant strand of hair behind her ear.

"I-I don't normally do that," she stammered _hug men._

Hell neither did he _hug women, _least not in that way and seeing the doubt in her eyes stirred up long suppressed feelings. Had he felt this before?

"I don't mind," he replied, _she should do it more often. _"Felt nice."

There was that frank honesty again. Damn.

"Because you know y-you looked like you needed to be ... held," she added, a pretty pink colour tainting her cheeks.

"So did you."

She managed a shaky smile.

"Yeah, well it's been a while."

He couldn't resist but to raise a hand and lightly brush his fingers against her cheek. Who was she? Why did she have this power over him and why did he feel like kissing her? What was this hold she had over him? It totally perplexed him.

He expected her to flinch and pull away at his touch but she merely looked surprised, almost as if liking his closeness. Not really an ice maiden, not even near, just defensive, wary and who could blame her.

Juliet closed her eyes. She had to break this spell he was casting over her. She felt drawn to him in a way that left her confused. Don't go there, she chided, don't ever let yourself _fall in love_, not again, not ever again.

She could ignore the rapid beating of her heart, ignore the warmth spreading through her body at his touch. When had she last felt anything like this?

His eyes fell to her lips.

Don't even think about kissing him!

He brushed a thumb over her lips.

"Jeez girl, what are you doing to me," he got out in a hoarse voice.

Her heart leapt at the words he uttered and this is what happened when you share secrets and forge a bond she silently mused. And this attraction was insanity. Where had it come from? And who the hell cared ... she longed to feel his lips on hers.

"Just kiss me James," she murmured, voice husky, suddenly mortified.

Surely she just hadn't uttered those words! That ... that was so forward of her, not like her at all.

He gave a crooked grin. "You got it Blondie."

And he lowered his lips to hers in a gentle lingering kiss that proceeded to deepen. This couldn't be happening, shouldn't but it felt so good. His hand removed the elastic band from her hair so it fell loosely around her shoulders, his other hand splayed across her back, pulling her closer as if he couldn't get enough. Then, a low moan escaping his throat, his mouth crushed hers with an intensity that made Juliet's heart thud wildly in her chest.

Never had she been kissed so thoroughly, never had it ever felt this amazing. This is how it should be. This is how it _used to be _and her heart felt ready to explode with the intensity of her feelings for him. This, them, here and now as if it had all happened before and she ploughed her hands through his hair, wanting to feel closer, wanting to taste him, wanting _him._

"Juliet," he murmured breaking the kiss, "tell me you feel that too."

She gazed into his eyes, mesmerised by the deep intensity and confusion mirrored there.

"Tell me I'm not imagining this?"

"I-I ..." words failed her because there was something there, like a half memory she couldn't quite grasp and is that what he meant? Or was he referring to the sweet intensity of that kiss mingled with need and want and forgotten desire and love and she couldn't explain it.

"I felt it too."

The sudden warmth and relief in his eyes was nearly her undoing. Careful, she warned herself, this was a man who didn't want to fall in love. Best she remembered that _right_? His past, more tragic than hers but he had something she didn't, he had his freedom. She was still owned by Edmund. Funny thing was now, this moment, none of that seem to matter. For just a fleeting second she had felt so amazingly alive, free. She couldn't almost believe that is was possible for her, that the past could be done away with, that she could be happy, maybe even feel love again. She could see the same thoughts reflected in his eyes. How was it that she could read him so easily? And this connection was something special, she knew that, there was something more to it but she couldn't quite grasp what that was?

The phone ringing startled her back to reality. She tore her gaze away from James and answered the phone.

God what had they just done! How could she have been so brazen!

"Where are you?" Rachel's slightly pissed off voice, "you were supposed to be here 20 minutes ago."

"I'm just running a little late, I'll be there soon."

She turned to look at James. Saw the conflicting emotions cross his face. She needed some space. She needed to get her head around what had just happened here.

"You remember how we talked about knowing each other ..." he began.

"You really believe in that past live stuff," she interrupted, not wanting to go there again because thinking about it just freaked her out.

He raked a hand through his hair. "It's the damndest thing but when I was kissing you it felt like we had done it before," he continued, his gaze probing, "and not just once but lots of times."

She swallowed hard, once, twice. Damn this effect he had over her, damn fucking past lives.

"I don't believe in reincarnation," she told him, "and you don't believe in love," she reminded him.

He took the few steps towards her till they stood face to face and her heart beat rapidly increased. He bent to look into her eyes.

"I said I didn't want to fall in love," he spoke softly, wistfully, "that doesn't mean that I never will."

_With me_ but the words froze on her lips, too terrified to go there, it was too soon, this was too sudden. She needed to put some distance between them. She needed to think.

"I-I have to get to my sister's house," she murmured "she is already angry with me."

As if sensing her confusion and discomfort he nodded.

"And I have to touch base with Miles."

Damn those defensive walls of hers. She hadn't wasted time putting them back into place. He wanted to talk, she wanted to run, could see it in her eyes. Could see she was scared. And he wanted to reassure her that it would be okay, and what they felt was ... well okay maybe a bit terrifying but wonderful too and that kiss. That kiss left him feeling rattled and amazed at the same time and what he had felt in that moment was something he had never felt with anyone else; alive, wonderfully and miraculously alive. And that was the weird thing because during the moment they kissed he just knew they had done this before. So why was she now denying it? He thought she had too. Obviously not and he couldn't help feeling disappointed, though he knew without a doubt that she also felt drawn to him as much as he did to her.

It was a mutual thing. That gave him some hope even if she wanted to deny it for now. And the kiss spoke volumes about her, the passionate woman behind the cool facade.

"You should spend the night at your sister's house," he suggested.

She just raised an eyebrow in that damn familiar way of hers and remarked.

"You really think Edmund will attempt to visit me at night?

"Do you?" he'd returned giving her a direct look.

But when his mind was set there was no budging it.

"I'll pick you up at seven," he reminded her.

Then they will have to talk. He wasn't letting her off the hook that easily, now that he had found her _again._

* * *

><p>James had no sooner returned to his own apartment when Miles rocked up looking put out.<p>

"Where you been man?" he demanded, "I haven't seen you in days, you haven't returned any of my messages, where were you last night?"

"I was at Juliet's," he returned, closing the door to his apartment behind Miles.

He felt shattered, emotions in turmoil, like he'd just been through some kind of damn emotional ringer and he wasn't used to it. Wished Miles could have given him at least an hour to sit back and think about the implications of what happened between him and Juliet this morning and these feelings he had towards her.

"Why?" Miles asked frowning.

"Because I felt like it," he returned over his shoulder as they walked into the living room.

He fell back on the sofa feeling drained.

Miles had gone into the kitchen. "You got anything to eat in here?" he called out.

Probably not, he was never home.

Miles returned to the living room with a packet of peanuts.

"Slim pickings in your pantry," he muttered, plonking himself down on the opposite sofa.

James barely noticed he was there.

"So where were you this morning?"

"I went walking with Juliet."

"You're seeing a lot of her," Miles stated, and James glanced at him.

"You think that's a good idea?" he continued.

Hell no but he couldn't help himself. Raising a hand he raked it through his hair, pushing it back out of his eyes, looking up to find Miles curious gaze on him.

"You look exhausted," he continued, "what she keep you up all night?"

Miles shook his head a slow bemused smile crossing his face.

"It's always the ones you least expect, they look prim, proper even dowdy on the outside but once you get them into the bedroom they turn into some wild passionate lovemaking goddess."

James frowned at him, unable to imagine Juliet like that and such a typical Miles comment.

"I didn't spend the night with her," he said, his hand dropping to his side, his hair falling back into his eyes.

Though there was plenty of passion in that kiss, real passion, real emotion, real everything and damn but he couldn't stop thinking about it, thinking about her.

"Something's happening to me," he murmured.

Miles snorted. "Yeah it's called love you dimwit."

James head shot up, he looked straight into Miles' knowing expression. The son of bitch was spot on. But love. Him?

"Only a matter of time before it caught up with you and it's about time but you really think it's a good idea to get involved with a chick like Juliet?"

It wasn't a good idea to fall in love at all! But it was too late and he wanted her, wanted to be with her and he didn't care what Miles had to say about it. It was already too late for walking away now.

"Because it is going to be complicated."

"Always is," he sighed.

"And well she is one messed up woman and who could blame her, being married to an ass like that."

James knew Miles was only speaking reason, not that he wanted to hear it.

"She'll get over it, once we put that bastard behind bars," he growled, feeling agitated all of a sudden.

Miles just stared back at him and slowly shook his head. "You and I both know it doesn't work that way, this isn't some fairly tale Jim, and your no prince, you can't just waltz into her life, kiss her and suddenly she awakes and is whole again."

James gave Miles a thoughtful look. "I did kiss her."

And it certainly as hell had woken up something inside of him, a feeling, memories that swirled around his head like an elusive dream he couldn't quite catch, but the feelings, the emotions were real enough, they existed.

Miles sighed. "Yeah well I saw it coming," he muttered, a frown crossed his face. "But what about the case Jim, you made anymore headway on Edmund?"

"I'm working on it," James muttered, well not enough because he was too taken up with wanting to be around Juliet.

He really hadn't been thinking rationally at all.

"So what's the plan?" Miles asked, popping a peanut in his mouth.

James couldn't even think of an answer and Miles snorted.

"You don't have a plan!"

"I'm working on it," he returned defensively.

"It's been two weeks Jim you can't stay working as Juliet's assistant forever."

James sighed. Miles was right and he began to explain everything he knew to date about Edmund. Miles had all the ideas. Least one of them had a functioning brain and James was glad he was here because now he could focus again. Shove that moment of intimacy with Juliet to the back of his mind. Well at least try to and he managed to do just that during those hours he discussed what they should or could do in the next step to get Edmund to expose himself.

* * *

><p>Juliet ran a red light, narrowly missing hitting a blue sedan 'get your head together' she cursed under her breath.<p>

Easy said than done when she felt completely and totally flustered, not to mention she had kissed a man, and not just any man but James Ford and nothing had felt so right before in her life. And so much for swearing off men for life! She practically threw herself at him. Could feel the shame burning her face.

_Tell me I'm not imagining things _his words, replaying in her head. _Jeez girl, what are you doing to me?_

What was she doing to him? How could she possibly attract him? Her! Plain and dowdy Juliet Burke and she winced at the last word. It was about time she changed her surname back to Carlson.

James was a man to be avoided at all costs but his tragic childhood had touched her in a way she couldn't explain. That bleak look in his eyes, the want to make him feel whole again and knowing deep down that she could.

Juliet shook his head and laughed out loud.

"Ridiculous," she muttered, her hair falling into her eyes and she shoved it back impatiently with her hand.

She wasn't in any fit state to fix anyone, she couldn't even fix herself!

James was as permanently scarred as she was. They had that much in common and maybe that's all it was? Maybe it was safer to ignore the flicker of hope in her heart that what he felt for her was real and meaningful.

* * *

><p>Rachel looked down at the bag in Juliet's hand and raised a questioning eyebrow.<p>

"Do you mind if I stay the night?"

"You're not working!" she quipped with mock horror.

Juliet rolled her eyes and made her way inside.

"Stupid question, of course I don't mind, god we haven't had a sleepover for years."

Not since Rachel had been sick at least. There was a time when Juliet had practically lived here but then Rachel had gotten better, found a man and Juliet moved out to give them space. But the relationship hadn't lasted and Juliet discovered she was content within her own space, happy to be alone where no one could nag her about working long hours, not getting enough sleep, not looking after herself properly, as Rachel often did.

Least alone she could do as she liked with no prying eyes and no questions asked.

And she liked it that way.

_Don't you get lonely_ Rachel often asked, after Juliet would decline Rachel's offer for her to move back into the apartment.

_I like being alone. _

Besides she was too busy working to get lonely. Peace and quiet was something she needed, craved even. She liked having her own little place where she could lock herself away from the rest of the world.

"We can have a movie night," Rachel continued.

Juliet felt guilty at hearing the excitement in her voice. There was just one small problem.

"James is taking me out to dinner at seven," she quickly blurted out and dumped her bag on the lounge-room sofa.

Rachel turned around and frowned.

"Why?"

"He wants to discuss ... um business stuff."

She was a lousy liar and Rachel always had the knack of seeing straight through her.

"You have all day during the week with him to discuss that," she returned, hand coming to rest on her hip, eyes probing questioning.

Juliet squirmed uncomfortably. She needed a distraction.

"You got anything to drink?" she asked.

Rachel's frown deepened. "What is the real reason you're staying the night here Juliet."

Juliet sighed, rubbed her forehead with her hand.

"You got anything alcoholic to drink?"

Rachel glanced at her watch. "At eleven in the morning!"

Before Juliet had a chance to formulate an answer Rachel grabbed her by the arm and dragged her into the kitchen, made her sit down and poured her an orange juice.

"I'm not going to be the cause of you becoming an alcoholic," she muttered under her breath.

Juliet grasped the glass in her hand, juice didn't quite hold the same punch but it was better than nothing and she looked up into Rachel's narrowed eyes.

"What is going on with you?" she demanded, "I've never seen you looking this flustered before."

"He kissed me." Juliet blurted out.

"Who?"

"James."

Juliet almost smiled at the astonished look on Rachel's face. "He what!"

"I told him to."

"You what!"

Rachel looked shell shocked and slowly dropped on to a chair, blinking.

Juliet rested her elbows on the table, and leaning forward peered into Rachel's face.

"I don't know what I was thinking," she murmured.

"Well he's gorgeous," Rachel said absently with a wave of her hand. "But since when have you ever been taken by that?"

Rachel's eyes met hers.

"It's not that," Juliet began, "I don't know how to explain it but I just find myself drawn to him and when I'm with him ... I don't want him to go."

"Oh god," Rachel exclaimed, "that sounds a lot like love to me."

Juliet's eyes widened in horror. "Whoa, no, I don't think so!"

Not possible, she didn't want to fall in love. She looked up to see Rachel watching her and swallowed.

"So that is why you are going on a date with him?"

Juliet bit down on her lower lip. She didn't know how that had quite happened.

"You sure you can trust him?" Rachel continued.

Of course, sort of, he had confided in her about his past, revealed his own demons before asking her to trust him. And she did. How could she not?

"Yes."

Rachel still didn't look convinced.

"Because I hate to be a bitch Juliet but your track record with men hasn't been all that great."

Juliet winced. Rachel was absolutely right.

"Which is why I've sworn of them." And so much for that she wryly mused.

Rachel sighed. "I just don't want to see you hurt again."

"Nothing is going to happen between James and me," she stated, "he is working on a case and well maybe there is an attraction there ..." Though she couldn't see what he found attractive about her?

"And this kiss?" Rachel enquired.

That kiss ... was something else, something special, magical and passionate and she could hardly describe it in words, how connected she felt towards in that moment.

"Amazing," she sighed.

She dropped her eyes briefly from Rachel's penetrating gaze, colour spiking up her jaw line.

Rachel shook her head. "You've got it bad."

Juliet swallowed. Shit.

"So if you've got this hot date with him tonight why are wanting to spend the night with me?"

"James said I had too."

"Why?"

She would have to tell Rachel everything and that meant Edmund's treatment of her in the office, him coming to her apartment. She knew Rachel was going to be really angry. She hated Edmund with a passion. Pity there was no alcohol in the house. She could really do with a stiff drink or two before discussing Edmund and definitely before facing the tortuous chore of clothes shopping.

* * *

><p>Clothes shopping, she hated it, how had she let James talk her into this and a black dress. Black didn't suit her, made her look too pale. After two tortuous hours of trying on numerous outfits only to find she hated everything she'd tried on. It was always the same. She didn't want to wear anything that was too tight fitting but neither something so loose she looked like a sack of potatoes. There was just no pleasing herself, always convinced nothing looked good on her.<p>

Even Rachel's frustration began to show after Juliet tried on a pair of shorts.

"You really think I should expose my lily white legs and fat thighs to the world, not sure it's ready for that," Juliet had quipped and Rachel tossed up her hands in despair.

"Well if you took some time off work for a change and saw some sun they wouldn't be so white," she retorted, "and the only way you are going to get a tan on them is to wear shorts!"

She had a point and after that Juliet just agreed with whatever Rachel said looked good on her. Besides she wanted this agony to be over. It always evoked too many bad memories of Edmund's constant criticisms at her choice of clothes. After a while she deliberately went out of her way to dress badly because it annoyed him and was a way she managed to regain some sort of control for herself. He could run her life but he couldn't tell her what to wear. He wanted her to wear some slinky low neckline dress she'd find something prim that went up to her neckline. In her own quiet way letting him know she really didn't care what he thought. That was just before the divorce, well maybe just after she knew about all the different affairs he was having.

"What does James like in clothes?" Rachel asked as they entered their tenth clothing store.

Juliet could tell she was frazzled now and worn out and hopefully that meant this shopping expedition was nearly over. But she still had to find something to wear tonight.

"I have no idea," she replied but judging from his last girlfriend's attire, the sort of clothes that would certainly do her an injustice.

She was starting to get desperate now and her eyes scanned a rack with pretty blouses and shirts on it coming to rest on a purple halter neck style of blouse. She slowly pulled it off the rack and stared at it in a trance ... _this_ James liked this colour. She stopped with a start, heat beating irregularly. How would she know that?

"Oh I like that, try it on," Rachel enthused alongside her.

Juliet began to shake her head. "It won't look good on me."

Rachel sighed with impatience. "Just try it on Jules."

Why not, she was too tired for protests now and headed for the change rooms.

"Take this with you," Rachel said, shoving a black skirt in her hand.

Juliet mumbled under her breath and shut the change room door. Avoided looking at her reflection in the mirror till she had the clothes on, least they fitted. Maybe it was better she sought Rachel's opinion before looking at her reflection. Opening she cubicle door she stepped out. Rachel was waiting for her. Her eyes wandered over the top and skirt before resting on her face.

She grinned and gave her the thumbs up. "Perfect."

"I don't know," Juliet hesitated.

"Have you even looked in the mirror yet?"

"No."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "You look amazing," she said, "for a change."

"I'd feel a lot better if I were 20 pounds lighter."

Juliet saw the impatience flicker across Rachel's face and before she knew it Rachel had grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her around till she was facing the mirror and had no option but to look at her reflection.

For a moment, she didn't know herself. Was that her? Did she really look that pretty? The colour did look good on her as she knew it would. Even the black skirt was flattering in a way, though she wished it were longer and went past her knees and not the other way. Still black was slimming, somewhere along the way she had forgotten that and she was tall, had long legs _he loved her legs. _

Juliet felt a sudden wave of dizziness overcome her _killer legs Blondie, where you've been hiding them. _Juliet gripped the door of the cubicle to support herself. She couldn't breathe. The words so vivid in her head, memories blurred and hazy disappearing before she could even grasp them.

"You alright Juliet?" Rachel asked, sounding concerned.

"I-I ..." She shook her head to clear it, the dizziness receding as quickly as it came.

"I think I've had enough shopping for one day," she breathed.

Clearly her head was in a fuddled stated. It had been the weirdest day. And she had hardly eaten a thing. That had to explain the dizziness and the odd sensation in the pit of her stomach.

"I agree, let's buy the clothes and get back to my apartment, I'm exhausted."

* * *

><p>Miles was good at leaving fake trails. Good at all the computer IT stuff that James didn't have a lot of patience for.<p>

"Think you can pull it off?" Miles asked him as he tapped away on the laptop. "Think you can con Edmund Burke?"

James was good at conning, found he had a flair for it and it had come in handy in many undercover stings.

"Pretend I'm using Juliet and get her to sign over her half of the fertility treatment to Edmund so I can get hold of the money," he mused.

God that sounded familiar, it made the hairs stand up on the back of his neck.

Miles had hit upon the perfect idea. All he had to do was pull it off. Somehow he could see Edmund Burke falling hook line and sinker for him being a conman and only using Juliet to con money out of her. The sick bastard would love that. But the thought of pretending to Edmund Burke made him feel sick in the stomach. He could already see him gloating, saying shit like _I knew you were only using her._

"You have to keep focused Jim despite your feelings for her."

James nodded. He had to really. If he could get Edmund to sign over the money, trust him and then all he had to do was follow up on whoever it was that Edmund intended to sell the fertility drug too. Then they would have him. And if he got Edmund Burke to believe he was using Juliet that would then mean he'd leave her alone _right?_

It had to work. Edmund Burke would get at least five years in prison for committing a federal offense and that would also mean the termination of Juliet's contract with him. All he had to do was gain Edmund's confidence in him. The confidence trick, he knew all about that one. Every time he'd used it undercover it had always left an empty feeling in the pit of his stomach. For some strange unexplainable reason he'd stare at himself in the mirror afterwards and hate what he saw there. And where the hell had he learnt to con so easily?

Once Miles left his apartment James lay back on his bed feeling tired. What a day, a day full of mixed feelings and emotions. He was so tired that his eyes closed against his will and he promptly fell asleep. Scattered fragments of images flashing before his eyes, could hear people screaming, calling for loved ones. He was walking through debris of twisted metal, his eyes scanning the shore line, watching the wave's crash of the sand, smoke filling the air.

Where the hell was he? Turning around slowly he gazed up at the giant engine hanging precariously above him, the whining of the engine screeching in his ears.

_Get her out of there _someone was yelling, running across the sand _get her out of there!_

James staggered backwards and the engine toppled to the ground with a deafening boom and a large ball of fire sending him flying through the air.

James woke with a start, heart pounding. Sweat trickling down the back of his neck. It was just a dream he told himself, taking deep breaths of air into his lungs in an attempt to calm himself. But it seemed so damn real.

Dragging himself out of bed he stumbled to the bathroom. Those images still so vivid in his mind and they left him with this gut wrenching pain he couldn't comprehend.

He squinted at his reflection in the mirror. He looked like he'd just been through hell too, and splashed his face with cold water, rubbing his eyes, damn but he hated sleeping with contact lenses, always made his eyes sore and red afterwards. One of the contact lenses slipped out of place and he tried getting it with his finger, unsuccessfully and it flushed down the drain with the running water.

"Fuck!"

He gripped the edges of the basin with his hands and glared down the drain. Terrific and he didn't have another pair anywhere and it would take several days to get some more. Stomping back out of the bathroom he went to his bedroom, tripping over the rug in the hallway and stubbing his toe on the cornice.

He swore under his breath and reaching for his foot, rubbed his big toe. Hobbling into his bedroom he pulled his top drawer out and found his glasses. His eyes rested on the digital clock by his bed.

6.00pm! He had to pick up Juliet at 7.00.

Fuck.

* * *

><p>Juliet let herself be talked into wearing make-up. She was just going to settle for lipstick but Rachel insisted she needed some eye make-up on and allowed Rachel to fuss over her.<p>

Once done Rachel stood back to admire her handiwork.

"Wow you look great," she enthused, "I haven't seen you look this good in years."

Juliet peered at her reflection in the mirror, felt like she was looking at a stranger. She felt practically naked! Well for her that is, not at all sure about exposing so much of her arms. She was used to wearing loose ill fitting clothes that covered most of her, felt safe like that and this, this was too much. It made her feel vulnerable.

"I can't do this," she breathed.

"Of course you can," Rachel scoffed, "you look beautiful stop being so self conscious."

Juliet turned around and went into Rachel's bedroom. She flung the wardrobe doors open and began rifling through her clothes looking for a black jacket. She found one near the back of the closet and pulled it out. That would do.

She put it on just as Rachel walked into the room.

"Oh no you don't," Rachel admonished approaching her "you're not wrapping yourself up in that daggy old black coat."

Juliet stepped back away from her.

"It's cold outside," she protested.

Rachel's hands rested on her hips, her eyes narrowed.

"I know you think you feel safe this way Jules but you need to step out, find your self-confidence again and break free of the shackles Edmund draped you with."

Juliet opened up her mouth but she couldn't think of one single thing to come back with. Rachel had an excellent point but she didn't have any self-confidence left.

The doorbell chimed and Juliet's eyes flew to the bedside clock. Shit it was 7.00pm and James was always punctual.

Her heart rate suddenly increasing, was dating always this stressful?

"That'll be James," she gasped.

"I'll get the door," Rachel began and went to leave but stopping at the doorway she turned to look at her, "and when you come out of this room you better not be wearing that coat."

* * *

><p>James stood waiting patiently at the front door to Rachel's apartment, a nervous anticipation gnawing at his insides. Shit but he felt like some damn school boy on his first date and would have laughed out loud at the thought of that if he wasn't so edgy.<p>

Hell if only he hadn't kissed her than he would have his emotions in check right now, so much for that, they were currently running riot.

The door opened and Rachel appeared before him. He looked at her expectantly and she didn't seem to recognise him. Suddenly he remembered he was wearing glasses.

"Hi Rachel its James," he spoke.

Recognition dawned on her face and she smiled. "Hi James, come inside."

She opened the door wider to let him pass. He walked into the foyer and Rachel closed the door behind him.

"Come into the living room, Juliet won't be long," Rachel began, "she is well having some issues."

James followed her into the living room. What issues?

"She okay?" he asked.

Rachel turned to look at him, a half amused smile crossing her face.

"I think so," she returned, "she's ah just a bit shy."

James frowned, what did she mean by that? He noticed the way she looked him up and down, her eyes coming to rest on his face. And he felt as if she were assessing him, weighing up whether or not he was a suitable match for her sister.

"So you like my sister?" she asked.

Talk about getting straight to the point.

He nodded. "Yeah I do."

"Why?"

James blinked but he could see Rachel was in earnest, playing the protective sisterly role.

"I like being in her company," he slowly replied and that was an understatement.

He couldn't stay away from her!

Rachel was watching him closely.

"You know what she has been through, you know everything about what Edmund did to her and you know that she is in a vulnerable state."

James nodded numbly, as if he could forget.

"So if you hurt her you'll have me to answer to ..."

"Rachel," Juliet admonished and James felt sudden relief.

Hearing that voice – her voice – his insides churned.

Juliet to his rescue and his eyes fell on her face. He saw the hesitation there, the wavering smile on her lips and he wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and taste her lips on his again. A feeling of tenderness and a longing he couldn't identify swelled his heart as he continued to gaze at her. He couldn't remember wanting anyone so much. And she looked so beautiful, her hair falling in waves over her shoulders, the colour of her top accentuating the colour of her eyes. Was she wearing make-up? Had she made herself so attractive for him? Plain, dowdy Juliet dressing up for him, and he felt touched for a moment. Did he mean something to her?

"Sorry about my over protective sister," she continued.

"That's okay. She should be looking out for ya."

He crossed the room till he stood in front of her, her gaze almost level with his now she was wearing high heeled shoes.

"You look beautiful," he murmured.

She blushed in that adorable way of hers and he couldn't help but reach out a hand to brush the hair back from her face.

"So do you," she said, voice husky.

He laughed at her frank honesty.

"You are something else Juliet," he breathed, his gaze raking over her face.

She wrinkled up her nose. "But why are you wearing glasses?"

"Lost one of my damn contact lenses."

She smiled and raised an eyebrow. "I think I prefer the nerdy ones you wore on that first day you came around to my apartment."

"I can always go back and get them for you if it turns you on that much Blondie," he quipped.

Juliet was completely mesmerised by the warmth in his eyes. He leaned forward, his lips brushing her forehead and just being in such close proximity to this man was playing havoc with her senses.

Juliet suddenly remembered Rachel was there watching them and she glanced sideways at her, could see Rachel assessing the situation and suddenly feeling unnerved. What did she think of James? Did she really want to know?

Rachel smiled and mouthed the words _he has it bad too_ behind James' back. This obviously gave Rachel same reassurance judging by the content expression on her face.

Feeling skittish and nervous like a girl on her prom night Juliet cleared her throat.

"We should get going."

James slipped his hand in hers as if were the natural thing to do, something he always did and it felt right _familiar,_ her skin tingling all the way up her arm.

How was she ever going to keep her distance from him now? Her body betraying in her in ways she'd never imagined, feeling her stomach tighten.

"Have fun," Rachel chirped, a wry smile touching her lips.

Juliet cast a fearful look. Was she doing the right thing here?

James lightly squeezed her fingers with his in a reassuring way.

"Lighten up Blondie," he whispered in her ear, his breath tickling her neck and sending shivers of anticipation tingling down her spine.

"It's just a date."

"Forgotten how they go," she murmured in reply, voice husky.

He smiled in that slow leisurely way of his, making her heart do flip flops. Oh he was well aware of this effect he had over her, seeing the amusement and warmth in his eyes.

"Let's go Blondie."

Tugging on her hand and leading her to the door. She turned and gave a wave to Rachel.

"Bye sis."

"Don't forget to take you jacket off if it gets too hot," Rachel remarked after her.

It didn't go unnoticed by Juliet.

"I changed it for a different jacket," she whispered back, a nicer more flattering one.

"Still a cop out," Rachel returned looking displeased.

Maybe but Juliet just wasn't ready to totally emerge from her safe cocoon yet. She turned back around to find James' curious eyes fastened on her face.

"It's a sister thing," she offered in way of explanation and tugging on his hand she pulled him out the door.

The cool night air felt soothing on her flushed cheeks and she took a deep fortifying breath. She could do this. It was just a date, even if with a man that made her feel alive inside and did things to her heart she couldn't even yet comprehend for fear of what else he might waken inside of her.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thanks for reading! Hopefully updates should be quicker from here on out. And I actually do have this story planned out to the end, in my head at least. All I have to do is write it!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Well it's been months! I'm afraid I've been flat out busy with my job, running a house and bringing up three children, not to mention the writing muse deserted me. But luckily it seems to have come back these last couple of days, it helps being on holidays and actually having some time for a change. And I hate leaving stories uncompleted and will endeavor to finish this one. The good news is that I've already started writing the next chapter and I definitely have this planned to the end. The bad news is that a lot of James/Sawyer stories and fans appear to have left this site (me included for a short time) and I hope you guys are still out there, somewhere? So let me know if you are still around and are into this story. I know I've got some catching up to do myself on some of my favourite Suliet stories and writers.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8.<strong>

He can't stop looking at the purple halter neck top she is wearing, especially since she has now taken the black jacket off. The way her hair tumbles down over her shoulders in long golden waves. It really was the most extraordinary colour. And this whole moment is so surreal. That feeling of familiarity keeps getting stronger every day. James wants to talk about it to Juliet though in truth the memories and dreams are elusive and hard to explain. He really only has a gut feeling to go by, nothing concrete and yeah so she has dreams similar to his own but she seems hell bent on pretending they don't exist.

He is puzzled by her reluctance to want to discuss them. And he is growing more and more convinced that they must have been together in another life. If one believes in such a thing and he thinks he is someone who doesn't believe at all in _anything_. Yet here he is musing over past lives and it doesn't matter how many times he has scoffed at it being ridiculous, truth is this isn't the first time he's felt like he's lived before.

His eyes wander over her pretty face. She is reading the menu chewing on her bottom lip as if deciding what to order is a difficult task. He notices the eye shadow and the colour of her lipstick, then his eyes rest on her top, that damn colour. It suits her, he's seen it before, somewhere, in a place he can't remember. Nice cleavage too, he muses, is she even aware of that? She has nice breasts, fuller than he remembers and that's weird, since when has he seen her in any other way? Except his dreams.

He tears his eyes away from her breasts, god if she caught him staring! Embarrassing but she is still seemingly engrossed in that menu. Just as well. How could he explain he was ah um admiring her assets? Plus she probably wouldn't believe him. He could tell her that he found her sexy, even if somewhat curvier and he could imagine her saying 'I don't do sexy'. Hell yeah she did when she wore something other than those dowdy clothes she seemed so fond off. Clothes she seemed to want to hide in; hide the fact that underneath was still a beautiful woman despite her attempts to do away with her femineity. As if Edmund had stolen that part of her with his many criticisms and snide remarks. He wanted to bring it back, and seeing her sitting there in those pretty clothes gives him hope that she isn't really lost, that that beautiful woman still exists. And he's been out with plenty of women but none of them intrigue him as much as she does. None of them make him feel what he does for her. He could sit here all night and just gaze into her face. Is this love that he feels? Why her? What is so extraordinarily different about her from other women?

It is just a feeling after all, he tells himself, but so strong and for someone who has sworn he doesn't have a heart. But really he is only deluding himself.

_You have the biggest heart_. He looks up startled. The words so clear and his eyes rest on Juliet, did she just say them? But she is still engrossed in that damn menu making him now wonder if it is all in his head, those words, her voice, in his head. Wishful thinking, he silently chides.

"Must be riveting reading," he comments, "I know ya haven't been on a date for a while but there still ain't that many options on the menu these days, hasn't changed a lot."

She smiles. That's good, likes it when she smiles, it transforms her whole face, makes her look beautiful. She closes the menu neatly and looks at him.

"I'll have the salmon."

"You going the healthy option Blondie?" he quips "ah screw that I'm going for the Filet Mignon."

She takes a sip of wine, raises an eyebrow. "Well you can afford to."

"And those assets of yours are looking pretty hot in that top," he comments.

She chokes on the wine.

He grins.

"What," she splutters reaching for the napkin.

"You can do sexy, you can do cute and you can do pretty," he murmurs, "and don't you dare tell me otherwise Blondie."

Juliet is momentarily mesmerised by the intensity of his gaze to contradict him. She wipes her mouth with the napkin but he had to be kidding, right? Okay so it didn't look as if he were. She swallows and drops the napkin on the table.

"Seriously James," she begins a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

He sighs and shakes his head. "I'm serious Juliet, not just trying to make you feel better about yourself, though you should, I mean every word," he quietly returns, "try believing me, because when I look at you in that top all sorts of other thoughts are going through my mind and none of them platonic."

She can feel her face heat up, oh god she better not be blushing. Given the amused light in his eyes she obviously is, damn the man. And she feels like throwing her napkin at him, even if his words make her toes curl.

"Okay so I haven't done it for a while," she says.

He leans back in his seat, observing her thoughtfully, unnerving her.

The glasses he wears giving him a distinguished air. She fumbles for her glass of wine and takes a long sip. Sexy, she is so not sexy but he makes her feel that way and it's been a long time since anyone has. Not that she really has been out with any men, because she is supposed to be sworn off men _forever _so much for that. She tries not to slurp her wine and remain stoic.

"That top," he speaks, his eyes lingering on her cleavage, "why did you buy it?"

She is slurping now and hastily puts the glass down.

"Rachel made me," she swallows quickly.

"She has good taste."

Least one of them did.

"But that colour ..."

"You like it."

Knows he does but not quite sure how she should know that?

"Yes." A frown dents his forehead. "You've worn it before."

No she hasn't, not that she remembers and she ignores the goose bumps on her arms.

"I-I don't think so," she breathes.

His eyes catch and hold hers, a question in their depths and he leans forward in his seat. She wants to look away but can't, mesmerised by the warmth in his eyes, the way his hair falls into them and the way he often impatiently brushes is back with his hand. Not as long as in her dreams, there it almost reaches his shoulders. Ignores the sudden longing to touch that hair, his face and say something stupid like _you look so much younger._ She suppresses the hysterical laugh she can feel building up and grabs her glass of wine again, only it was empty. That must account for her sudden light headedness. Her eyes fall on his glass of barely untouched wine.

"It's weird," he murmurs with a puzzled frown, finally reaching for his glass.

Yes drink up, she doesn't want to look like an alcoholic or anything and what is weird? This attraction: that is definitely weird, unsettling, odd _wonderful._

Maybe all of this would be a lot easier if she got a bit pissed. She holds up her glass of wine to him.

"Think mine is empty."

He reaches for the bottle from the wine cooler and tops up her glass. Once done he takes hold of his glass of wine and holds it out towards her.

"Here is to first dates," he smiles and any uneasiness she feels dissipates.

* * *

><p>It really wasn't as bad as she thought it would be. Dating, she can do this, even if the man sitting opposite did crazy things to her heart. She remembers the kiss, shivers at what might happen later, longing for it but half terrified too. And things have definitely shifted between them since that kiss this morning. He looks at with a new intensity, looks at her as a woman, not just a case, a job he was hired to do, not as the damsel in distress, not as someone to feel sorry for.<p>

She forgets the time. They had eaten, drank more wine and one minute they are laughing and then the next his face suddenly gets serious.

"There is something I have to tell you," he says.

"Uh oh," she giggles.

Maybe she should start to ease up on that wine.

"It's about the case."

The smile leaves her face and now she is worried because he really does look far too serious.

"Is it bad?"

James shakes his head, hiding his bemusement and her suddenly worried expression from the giggling girl she'd been a second ago. She is amusing half drunk.

"No but we probably should discuss it before you drink anymore, whilst your still sober enough."

A frown wrinkles her forehead. "Rachel is always saying I drink too much."

Okay, maybe he should wait till tomorrow then.

"Do you think I drink too much?" she asks.

He glances at the now empty bottle of wine. She's probably drank two thirds of it, not that much really. He knows the wine eases her nervousness.

"Nah, ya just having fun and we're on a date."

Fun and it had probably been a while for her. She should do it more often, with him. And he wants to keep this night light hearted but then he has to remind himself that he is working on a case, her case and he has to get his head out of the clouds and tell her about the next plan.

It has to be said sooner or later.

"Miles and I have come up with a plan," he begins, unsure of how she'll take it.

"More Miles idea actually, seeing as he's the one with a functioning brain lately," he continues, as his own has turned to mush around her, but he doesn't mention that.

He can tell she is still recovering from his confession about her assets and that he found her sexy. Sowing the seeds now and watch them germinate, sooner or later she has to start believing it, believing him. Well she better, she needs to. He could undo what Edmund had done, bit by bit, no matter how long it took.

"And what's wrong with your brain?" she asks, a hint of a smile at the corners of her mouth.

"You," he returns honestly, "can't think straight around you Blondie."

She seems startled by this, and there is that hint of colour in her cheeks again, a sceptical look in her eye. He inwardly sighs, okay so it probably is going to take a _long_ while before she starts believing him.

She picks up her wine glass and takes a sip. "So what is the plan?" And he watches the calm mask steal over her face, marvels at how she does that so quickly even after a couple of glasses of wine.

"Not one I'm keen on but probably the only one that'll work."

A puzzled frown creases her forehead.

"Why are you not keen on it then?"

He takes a deep breath. "Because it means I have to get buddy buddy with your jerk of an ex-husband."

Her frown deepens.

"We figured, Miles and I, that now we have Edmund thinking I've got the hots for you that I let on that I'm actually conning you," he swallows nervously, "that I'm only interested in you for the money, the money you are going to get when you sell your half of the infertility treatment to him."

She goes stock still, her face pales and he hate's suggesting this to her.

"I'm gonna convince him that I want in on the money if I can convince you to sell your half to him," he states, runs a hand through his hair. "It's what's called a sting."

Her eyes met his. "I know what it's called but how are going to get him to believe you?"

"Miles has set up a fake trail, one Edmund can investigate. I'm nothing more than a conman with a conman's name and with a history of hitting on married women with truck loads of money or anyone who is an easy target that is."

James swallows and takes a sip of wine, why does he hate the thought of it? Wasn't the first time he's done this, part of his job as a detective, especially when he works undercover, lying, pretending to be something he isn't, deceiving people. He glances into her face.

She is scrutinizing him carefully.

"And what name does this conman have?" she asks.

"Sawyer," he returns, the name of the very man who conned his parents, the irony, doesn't know why he chose it but why not.

"Sawyer," she murmurs, and there is a haunted look in her eyes, "you becoming the man you hate ..." her words trail away and there is a deep ache in the pit of his guts, her words eating away at his very soul and how does she know that? He doesn't remember telling her the name of the man who conned his parents. Or maybe he had? He must have? She has this faraway look on her face, like she is trying to recall something, a thought. It makes him feel unsettled.

"Juliet," he speaks.

She looks at him. "Why that name?"

"The name of the conman that conned my parents," he murmurs, glances at her "how did you know that?"

Puzzlement creases her forehead and she gives him a blank look. "I-I'm not sure?"

He is intrigued.

"I don't remember telling you."

She starts fiddling with the ring on her finger, gazing down at it.

His ears are buzzing. "I've never told anyone that," he continues.

Truth is she doesn't know why only that she does, somehow, the words just blurted out of her mouth without thought. They were just there, a memory, words and it makes her head hurt. Her throat feels dry.

"You must have."

He shakes his head, causing his hair to fall into his eyes. Why would he choose Sawyer of all names? Sawyer, Sawyer, it rings so loudly in her head.

_He's not Sawyer, his name is James Ford. He just goes by the name Sawyer. _On the island, in her dreams, she remembers now, remembers that he has another name, that they call him Sawyer, the people from the plane.

Juliet tightly grips the ring on her finger, cutting of the blood supply, making it throb. It feels as if a thousand tiny darts are firing into her head causing it to throb.

"Juliet," James speaks and his voice sounds far away.

It's not real she tells herself, it's just a dream, a crazy wacky dream. She feels his hand warmly grasp hers. Her fingers are icy.

"Hey baby look at me." His voice sounds desperate now and she blinks, glances up at his concerned expression and the memory fades into a thick fog. She tries holding onto it, despite the hammering of her heart in her chest, the pain in her head.

"You alright?" he asks

She blinks. What?

"Where'd you go girl?"

"I was trying to remember something," she murmurs in reply, the scattered broken images jarring with each other in her effort to keep them there.

James gives her a searching glance. "What? Tell me Juliet."

Without thinking she raises a hand and touches his cheek.

"You in the jungle, you go by that name," she stammers, "you call yourself Sawyer."

Her voice sounds hoarse and disjointed in her own ears. She notices shock register on his face. This is crazy. It has to be the wine, fuddling her brain she tries to reason because now she can see him as clearly as he was then. Her fingers lightly caress the smooth clean shaven planes of his face.

"You had a beard," she continues, her eyes raking over his face, the barely visible lines "and you were older."

His eyes widen with astonishment.

Her hand trembles as she brushes his fringe out of his eyes.

"It was longer."

James inhales sharply. Seeing the confusion mirrored in her eyes reflecting his and damn but this is just getting way to freaky. Besides he has no idea what he looks like in those dreams but he does know his hair has never been longer than it currently is. Standard protocol in the Police Department is keeping the hair short. And he's always been a cop, since he was 21. And he's definitely never gone by the name Sawyer, why would he?

He swallows the lump in his throat, and why now for this case? What had he been thinking?

Her fingers touching him are soothing, like the caress of an evening breeze. Is this really happening? His breath came heavy, a myriad of conflicting emotions assaulting his senses and he shuts his eyes.

_She knew far too much about him, far more than anyone ever had a right too and it galls him, hates how his life is an open book to her. She had every right to hate him as much as he hated himself. So why didn't she?_

"James," she spoke slowly, struggling to suppress the tremor in her voice, "what is this, what is happening between us?"

His eyes fly open and he looks straight at her, her face etched with sudden alarm, her hand dropping to the table.

He jerks upright, feeling a sudden tightness in his stomach. He has no damn idea but it doesn't scare him as it so obviously seems to frighten her.

"It's nothing, coincidence," he manages to mutter, wanting to reassure her. Whatever is happening between them with these weird dreams and this attraction she obviously isn't ready for it. And maybe neither is he because something bad happened there in that jungle, something he feels but something he hasn't seen _yet._

"Just dreams," he continues, eyes searching hers, looking for something he doesn't know or understand.

She's rubbing her forehead now, and he sees the shadows in her eyes before she blinks them away and looks directly at him.

"I-I assume it was your idea to use that name?"

He drops his eyes and clears his thick throat. "Yes." Voice not much more than a croak.

Worry skitters across her face and something else: a deep sadness.

"Don't," she whispers.

A cold chill crept through him. "It's too late now."

She slowly shakes her head and why does he suddenly feel so lousy, like he's committed some offence. It's just some damn case, just a job to him, it was just a conman's name.

"Why did you come up with this ... this idea?"

Good question and now he's perplexed. "I don't know," he murmurs, gazing down at the wine glass in his hand, "seemed like a good idea."

Seemed like something he has done before, long ago but that ... that isn't possible.

"So then you become Edmund's confidante," Juliet mutters with a hint of bitterness.

"Just pretence Juliet," he corrects. "And I really don't want to."

Her eyes narrow. "Edmund is no fool James," she states, "you really think you can con him?"

"I'll have to, it's the only way."

"He's dangerous."

"I've done this before, I'm a cop, remember."

Her eyes rake over him, wondering, worrying. Did that mean she cared for him?

"I'll be alright Juliet, hell I've pretended to be a drug pusher even and that, well that is dangerous work."

Okay so not best to tell her how many near misses he's had in the past with that either.

"You still do that?" she asks, the worry definitely evident in her eyes.

"Not for a while."

Well actually it was only a year ago and he had ended up shot but well that was another story, one she doesn't need to hear.

"I can look after myself."

And he can, has been doing that since he was eight years old. But she doesn't look entirely convinced. It's not himself he worries about either but her. These emotions he feels and the attraction, a need to protect her because somehow he knows she is vulnerable in a way. And the thought of losing her ... which is ridiculous because she isn't even his to begin with and he is too jaded to believe in happily ever after, knowing it was something that only happens to other people but not him. Never him. That is his allotment in life. And when he looks into her pretty concerned face he wishes it otherwise. He'd loved and lost, since when, he silently scoffed, not this lifetime but the pain, the explicit pain is there, always has been, a pain he doesn't get, a pain that seems to have been his constant companion and when he looks at her, that pain diminishes. Maybe there is some hope for him. Maybe he can have a life ... with her. Not likely given she is just as jaded, just as damaged as him but none of that matters; not really, it's the past, isn't it?

His shoulders slump, who is he kidding? The past has a way of haunting his future, determining each and every action he undertakes, and it is the same for her because now he can see the hesitation in her eyes, the reflection and the way she chews her bottom lip as if questioning herself and being here with him. Obviously the memories of those damn dreams making her also feel that way.

"I need a drink," she mutters.

So does he!

"Okay let's go visit a tavern."

* * *

><p>They leave the restaurant and silence follows as they walk the two blocks to a nearby tavern. Happy earlier mood sort of gone and James curses himself for telling her those plans tonight and ruining the moment. He should have waited till tomorrow. If he hadn't of said anything then there would have been no discussion about the blasted dreams, dreams that so obviously affected her and not in a good way. He can't understand that because when he's with her in the jungle, it's a place he wants to be because he is with her and that's all that matters, despite the dark shadows that dance around the edges.<p>

_Where you go I go._

He takes hold of her cold hand in his warm one. She glances at him and manages a small smile.

"Shit but I really ruined the night," he mutters, "I guess that means I'm struck of the dating list," he lightly quips.

Her smile widens and she squeezes his fingers.

"The night isn't over yet."

Well that's good. For the rest of what's left of this night he isn't going to mention the case or those dreams. He's going to just enjoy being with her. Let Monday worry about itself and the implications it'll hold once they are back at work. Him having to get close to Edmund and he shudders, hopes to god he can maintain self control around him and not punch the bastard out knowing that it won't be an easy feat.

* * *

><p>Juliet really doesn't want to end up drunk on her first date with James but she still gets a tad too merry and that always makes her far to chatty, inhibitions out the window and she has plenty of those. James doesn't seem to mind and she swears if anything he finds it amusing. Edmund wouldn't have. There was no fun, no love, no anything but misery with him and she shivers despite the warm air blasting out of the heater in the car.<p>

"I think I screwed up my life," she mutters and curses the alcohol for loosening her tongue and she should know better.

"You married a jerk," he replies, "hey it happens sometimes, no need to beat yourself up about it, we all make mistakes."

He really is so sweet sometimes and hard to believe when he used to be so difficult. Since when ... now her thoughts are all hazy and sort of mixed up. Nothing makes much sense.

"Mistakes with consequences," she adds and why does she feel like she's told him this before? "I think about how different my life might have been if I never married Edmund."

Though in truth she finds that hard to do, as if she can't think much beyond one day.

"Do you think things like that James?"

He glances at her and frowns.

"I try not to, can't change what's been done, what happened happened."

He says that so matter of fact like but she still hears a trace of bitterness in his voice and his words leave an unsettling feeling in her stomach.

_Whatever happened happened ... you cannot change the past. Time doesn't work that way._

Juliet wrapped her arms around herself

"Ya can however determine your future," James states.

Can she really? It's odd but she's never been able to determine hers, sometimes she feels she doesn't have one. She never sees herself growing old, having children, grandchildren, a life beyond a certain time and she shivers.

"Do you see your future James?" she quietly asks and the words seem to hang between them as an uncomfortable silence follows before he finally replies in a gruff voice.

"Of course."

But she doesn't quite believe him and turning her head she gazes out the car window. Her headache steadily growing worse be the minute. Is there a future with him? Because this relationship is so sudden, and where will it go? She gets that he's attracted to her, though she doesn't understand it and she is far to attracted to him and somehow that makes her worry. Will her heart get broken _again._ Does she risk it anyway? And she finds it hard to think straight and longs for this case to be over. She doesn't like it. Doesn't like the thought of James getting close to Edmund, or what Edmund could do to him despite his reassurances of knowing what he is doing. And now she has stupidly allowed herself to feel far too much for him. A big mistake, considering the dangerous line of work he is involved in. Did they have a future? Or will he lose interest in her once this case is finished with? She feels so insecure.

And she's scared. She's scared for him, and for herself and for whatever might happen between them, especially that. Getting to close to him is not a good idea. But it's almost impossibly to stop her feelings for him, too late for that now.

The car pulls up outside Rachel's apartment block and before she knows it James is helping her out of the car.

"Such gentlemanly manners," she remarks.

"I don't want you falling over."

Edmund would have, and given some snide remark like _get it together Jules._

"I'm not that drunk."

He looks sceptical of that. And god he's so gorgeous, no two ways about that. How could she attract someone like him?

He slips his hand into hers.

"And I don't wanna explain to your sister why I've allowed you to get pissed," he continues with a smile, tweaks her nose, "I get the feeling she'll give me one hell of a lecture."

Juliet giggles. "She is bossy and yeah she's good at lecturing too and I'm not that pissed James."

"Pissed enough."

He looks at her, his gaze unfathomable, probing and intense. The hairs on Juliet's neck stand to attention and her skin tingles. He raises a hand to her face.

"Not even close," she murmurs, liking the feel of his fingers caressing her cheek, his thumb grazes over her lips.

"I don't know what you do to me girl," he says, "I can't stop thinking about you, wanting to be with you all the time."

Neither can she, understand it and next thing she's aware of is that that he's kissing her, with a passion and desperation that causes her body to heat up ten degrees. His tongue slips intimately into her mouth and she deepens the kiss, pulling him closer towards her. She senses his need, not remembering anyone wanting or desiring her this much. The way he touches her, his fingers lightly brushing against her skin, making it tingle as he plants kisses down the side of her neck, across her shoulders to her breasts making it impossible to think of anything other than what he is doing.

She hears the low moan in her throat.

"Juliet," he breathes in her ear, clutching handfuls of her hair. "Whatever happens here on out, don't take it personally, I could never hurt or use you."

"I know," she whispers, heart pounding loudly in her chest.

Of course she knows, doesn't she?

"Once you're free of that bastard then you and I are gonna have a future," he mutters in a husky voice before his lips claim hers again.

And she wants that, so badly even if she can't bring herself to see in it, believe it. The future terrifies her.

"The future we should have had," he murmurs.

Juliet's entire body stiffens. He pulls back, confusion evident in his eyes.

"I mean the future we can have," he hastily adds and suddenly everything is swaying and she would have toppled over if James hadn't caught her in time.

"You are pissed Blondie," he says, a hint of amusement in his voice.

"I think it has caught up with me," she replies, her teeth clattering together.

"C'mon let's get you to bed before your sister sees ya like this."

* * *

><p>He leads her down to the bedroom. She's trying not to giggle. It's just that the thought of him sneaking her down to her bedroom makes her feel like some naughty child, something she actually never was but maybe she should have been. Instead she's lived her life practically that of a nun, boring, boring, boring. She could never see James being boring or life with him being boring either.<p>

They are in the bedroom now and he quietly closes the door. Bed suddenly looks really inviting to her. Her head is throbbing and spinning at the same time. She kicks her shoes off and goes to climb into the bed.

"Whoa what are doing?" James pulls her back. "Ya gonna sleep in your clothes, won't be very comfortable."

She doesn't care, she just wants to be in that bed. Next thing she knows he's undoing the zipper on her skirt. She smacks his hand away.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting you undress."

She's suddenly mortified. "And have you see me naked!"

"Well I assume you've got panties on or is there something I don't know about ya Blondie," he quips with a mischievous smile.

She feels like slapping him and would if she wasn't seeing double of him.

"Oh that's right I forgot your modest now," he continues.

And what is with the _now_ since when has she been any other way? And this, this is just getting way too embarrassing.

"I don't have Paige's figure," she hisses.

"Good," he returns a slight defiance in his eyes.

"So you into fat girls?"

He just laughs and shakes his head. "You're hardly that."

Colour floods her face. She is so going to regret this in the morning, bloody wine, she's never drinking again.

"Ya gonna keep believing what ya ex says to you?" he challenges, "okay so maybe you could stand to lose a few pounds, so what of it, it doesn't bother me, hell Juliet I've been out with woman bigger than you and they don't care about what they weigh and sometimes I find their confidence more of a turn on than anything."

She doesn't know what to say. He steps closer and pushes an errant strand of hair behind her ear.

"You are beautiful, start believing it girl."

And she wants to ... it's just that she can't.

Something like regret flickers in his eyes. "He really did do a number on you," he murmurs sadly.

It's all too much for her to take and she fights back the tears that threaten to well up in her eyes.

"Yeah damaged goods is what he calls it," she mutters bitterly.

James' jaw flexes and there is that stormy look in his eyes. She can tell he is angry but then his face softens and he looks suddenly sad, weary. Leaning towards her, his lips lightly brush her forehead.

"Not at all Juliet," he whispers.

Her legs threaten to buckle beneath her. His hands are on her shoulders, steadying her.

"Sit down," he instructs and she does as he says.

He reaches for her nightie that sits on top of the pillow and gives it to her. She wishes she could see his face to see what he is thinking, but it's half hidden in shadows.

"Here put this on, I won't look, I promise," he adds, "I gotta visit the loo as it is."

* * *

><p>James just had to get out of there because the anger he feels ... well he doesn't want to upset her and the anger is purely directed at her ex-husband. And he feels like punching the wall, somehow couldn't see Rachel appreciating that. He ran stiff fingers through his hair in frustration, tugs on the ends. Hates what that bastard did to her. Wishes he was here right now so he can beat the living shit out of him. He clenches and unclenches his fist, damn but he has to get his emotions in check. He is no good to Juliet like this and the thought of having to get buddy buddy with Edmund does his head in. How can he, knowing what he did to Juliet? But he has to do it for her and fuck but he's gonna win. He is gonna get that bastard and her ex is gonna get what he deserves.<p>

Once James has his emotions in check he returns to Juliet's bedroom. She is in bed, doona pulled up to her chin, one hand tucked under her cheek. Her clothes scattered across the room.

"So ya fall asleep on me girl," he murmurs softly and wearily sits down on the side of her bed, gazing down at her face, partially obscured by her hair.

"Once I get ya ex-husband put behind bars you are gonna start believing in yourself again," he says, quietly, feels an overwhelming tenderness towards her.

"You'll be free and not damaged goods, never that, ever, you're more than that."

His hand rests on her shoulder and he slowly leans towards her.

"You hear that Juliet," he murmurs in her ear, "you're gonna be free of that bastard."

Her eyelashes flutter against her cheeks.

"I should never have gone to the island," she murmurs sleepily.

James goes still and straightens up, staring down at her in disbelief. What did she say? The hairs on the back on his neck stand up causing him to shiver.

She was on an island, they were on an island, stuck, stuck in time, a place that shouldn't exist.

But it's not real. It can't be real ... can it?

Her words, the one's she uttered at the restaurant came back to haunt him _you had a beard ..._ he runs a hand over his chin, too hard to bother with shaving on the island _... you were older. _ But not much, it couldn't be more than a couple of years and he gazes back down at her, fast asleep, looking peaceful. She doesn't look much older to him in the dreams. She is a lot more confident, a hell of a lot more and knows how to take charge. She doesn't take any shit either.

But here, now, she is sweeter, younger, shy, vulnerable, a mess. And it makes him feel strangely protective. Pushing the hair back from her face, he bends down and lightly kisses the top of her forehead.

"It'll be alright," he whispers in the still air, "I'll keep you safe."

With that he stands up, turns around and exits her bedroom, legs heavy as he walks to the front door and out of Rachel's apartment.

And now he believes _everything_, in the island, that other life and them together there. It makes sense. The dreams are not dreams they are what had happened even if he only remembers hazy fragments of that time. It still had happened.

But there is just one problem. Something bad happened there, he can feel it, but he doesn't want to remember it because whatever it was, it's something that caused him the deepest grief and pain he'd even known other than the loss of his mother. And it's a pain he never wants to experience again. He shakes his head, pushing the thought away. It's irrelevant anyhow, because now is real and this, today is happening as will tomorrow and they will, can, have a future together.

He is gonna make sure of it.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed. Leave a review and let me know, much appreciated as always.**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: So sorry it's taken me so long to update! But my life has been insanely busy. Second term here in Australia is full on with reporting. Yeah and being a high school teacher is hard work, especially all that marking. But the worst of it is over now, at least for the time being, and I finally found some time. First free weekend without marking I've had in nearly two months!**

**Thanks so much for all the great reviews on my last chapter, they were very inspiring and much appreciated. I hope you haven't given up on this story. I haven't. I should have it wrapped up in a couple of chapters.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 9.<strong>

_He is feisty and she shouldn't like that but she does, sort of. She marvels at his resilience but he is also a big problem._

'_We have to break his spirit.' The weird looking man with the bug eyes tells them. _

_This man is important. People fear him. She fears him. _

'_You can't put people in a cage,' she thinks, keeping those thoughts to herself. It's wrong, all of this, what they do, is terribly wrong. _

_Always games with Ben, that's right he's Ben, she knows this, she's always known and she hates him with a vengeance. He's ruined her life, he makes her skin crawl with the way he looks at her, just like her ex-husband had. She is never going to be free. Her life doesn't belong to her, it never will. And the bitterness eats away at her every single day she spent on this island, piece by piece leaving her feeling empty inside, cynical and hard. Now she is a stranger to herself and glances up at the monitors and the man they call Sawyer. He is pacing, reminding her of a caged lion. How do you control the raw energy he possesses? She had watched Pickett beat him over and over and it never seemed to affect him. He'd just shake it off and give some snarky comment as if provoking Pickett to beat him some more. And why does he do that? Why does he continue to fight back? Why not just give in? _

_Secretly she admires that about him._

'_I know how to break him,' Ben says._

_No doubt he does and her skin crawls. _

_She glances back at the monitors, eyes rest on James and she doesn't want to see that spirit broken, it would be criminal. What he possesses, a survivors spirit, she gets that, understands it._

'_He's bad Juliet,' Ben hisses in her ear._

_Weren't they all in one way or another? Wasn't this island their punishment? It was hers. And the blood she has on her own hands. _

_It wasn't supposed to be this way. This wasn't supposed to be her life. This place, this island, was a bad place, only bad things ever happened here._

_James tosses his head back, glares at the screen. He knows they are watching them and for a moment she can't tear her eyes away from him._

A loud knocking on the door awakens Juliet. She groans, head pounding, the last vestiges of the dreams fading away, already forgotten.

"Are you going to get up sleepy head?" Rachel calls.

Juliet pulls the pillow over her head.

"You decent Jules? I'm not going to walk in and see something I shouldn't?"

"No," Juliet mutters, "I mean I'm decent."

The door opens. Rachel pokes her head around and frowns.

"You get pissed last night?"

Juliet isn't in the mood for a lecture.

"No," she lies and sits up, brushing her tousled hair out of her face.

"Looks like you did," Rachel observes.

"Well okay maybe a little."

Events of last night flash through her mind and her face reddens. Pray tell James didn't put her to bed?

"Your boyfriend has left one message after the other," Rachel continues holding up Juliet's phone.

"He's not my boyfriend."

Rachel just raises a knowing eyebrow, walks across the floor and hands her the phone.

"Okay lover then," she glibly replies and Juliet glares at her.

"Not that either." _Least not yet, if ever._

Juliet takes the phone and Rachel sits down on her bed. Juliet goes through the text messages.

_You still in the land of the living Blondie?_

She smiles.

_Hangover cure, a Berocca and two Panadol followed by bacon and eggs. Works every time, you'll be as good as new in no time._

Ugh bacon and eggs, the last thing she feels like not to mention what it would do to her waist line.

_Not gonna hurt for one morning._

Damn, but he really knows her too well, and how does he?

"Well what did he text?" Rachel asks.

"Hangover cure," she mutters.

"Great, sounds like someone talking from experience, you two have that in common," Rachel dryly remarks.

"I've never seen him drunk, and neither has he me."

Until last night that is and god she's never doing that again. Her first date and she drinks too much, great going. What must he think of her? Though if memory serves her correctly he seemed amused more than anything.

"Okay sis now you have to tell me everything that had happened last night."

Juliet swallows, really, everything, where does she start? This strange attraction, this talk of past lives, the dreams, the random memories that make her head spin and she's still so unsure of it all. Hadn't she just been dreaming about him? She tries to recall the dreams but the images are shrouded in fog and her head aches.

"I-I ..."

Where does she start? And Rachel has that intense _I'm not going anywhere until you tell me_ look on her face.

"It was great."

Apart from the weird funny memories that kept popping up in her mind at random moments, as they seemed to do with him too.

"Different," she continues and Rachel frowns.

"Different?"

"Well he's different but in a good way ... if that makes sense?"

Rachel is still frowning. Juliet chews on her bottom lip. She doesn't know how to explain it because how did she explain this attraction, how did she explain James?

* * *

><p>James went into work, met Miles there, though he'd rather spend the day with Juliet, but still there was a job to do and he couldn't let Miles do it all.<p>

"Well long time no see," Miles remarks.

"You only saw me yesterday Enos," James' snorts.

"Yeah but it's not the same, because normally we don't leave this place, you know this place called work."

"More to life than work," James murmurs absently, since when though?

"Just because you've gone and fallen in love with some chick with a sociopath for an ex-husband doesn't mean we all have," Miles dryly remarks and shakes his head. "You sure know how to pick them Jim."

James wasn't about to get in a discussion on that one and sits down at his desk.

"Okay so what'cha got chief, how's that trail coming along?"

Miles looks at the computer.

"All done."

"That's quick."

"One of us has to work around here."

Miles leans back in his chair. "How come you get to chat up women, go on dates and I get relegated to the IT shit," he continues.

"You're better at it than me."

And that was the truth. Anything computer related frustrated the hell out of him. The guys at work gave him shit about it too, teased him about being computer illiterate. But he liked cold hard facts that you could hold in your hand, evidence you saw with your own eyes as it is and not on some damn computer screen.

"Hey Sawyer," Miles says loudly and he looks up.

"Man that's freaky," Miles remarks shaking his head, "you answered me like that is your name."

What is even weirder is that it felt like it was his name, sort off.

"Something about that name," Miles continues, eyes now glued to the computer screen, "something weird, like a memory that I can't grasp."

But Juliet could. _You in the jungle, you go by that name_. Every time he recalled her words it still made the hairs stand up on the back of his neck. _You call yourself Sawyer. _Yes he did, there on that island though he doesn't know why. Why the hell would he go by the name of the man who conned his parents, resulting in their deaths? Who would? What had he done in that other life?

He looks at Miles anew, wondering, why would Miles have memories of that name?

"You ever have recurring dreams?" he asks.

Miles looks up from the computer and a slight smile crosses his face.

"Yeah I have this real kooky one," he replies, "I'm in this weird place, everyone dresses like it's the 70's and there are these houses and they are all the same."

James frowns, is Miles yanking his chain now?

"You are there too," Miles continues with a smile, "we work in security."

Miles shakes his head. "Like I said kooky."

Well James didn't have dreams like that and his thoughts drift back to Juliet. He'd been writing the dreams down of late, kept a diary and he now pulled it out of his pocket, flicking through the pages. He must have ended up on the island by a plane crash, still vividly remembers that dream but then how did Juliet end up there? _I should never have gone to the island_, her words, last night, which must mean she went there by choice? But he knew he certainly didn't go there by choice. So why did she? And what sort of place was this island?

* * *

><p>Juliet was glad to get back to her apartment after answering the numerous sticky beak questions her sister had asked. And it didn't look like Rachel had been convinced.<p>

_You sure about this Juliet? It's not like your track record with men has been terribly crash hot._

No it hadn't. That was the problem. She was a problem, how come she could never get it right? But James was nothing like Edmund. He was sweet, charming, funny, and he didn't fall in love.

Best to remind herself of that little fact but too late to avoid him now, she was in on his so called sting through to the end and if he could pull it off, just maybe she would be free but she doesn't want to hope. Hope was a dangerous thing, she'd been there before, hoped Edmund would love her again someday, hope he would suddenly be normal but the hope died and reality came crashing in, making her bitter and distrustful. Till James came waltzing into her life, making her feel alive again, making her believe in hope, _we will have a future_. Really? Could they really have a future? She remembered the way he had kissed her last night, clinging to him, wanting to hold on to him, wanting to feel loved again.

She shivered and glanced at her pale reflection in the bathroom mirror. Even on the island she could never be a hundred percent sure of his love for her. As if it was impossible for anyone to truly love her, no matter which life time she found herself in.

* * *

><p>Of course it's not long before Edmund Burke approaches James at work but he hadn't expected it to be so quick. The passionate kiss he'd given Juliet in the hallway probably hadn't helped. He'd made sure Edmund would see it. He could see the man's eyes narrow and felt a moment's satisfaction. A satisfaction that was short lived when he gazed back down into Juliet's questioning gaze.<p>

"You sure about this James?" she whispers.

He tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. "It's the only way."

She bites down on her bottom lip as she often does when unsure or worried.

"That kiss a pretence then?" she asks.

He sees the hesitation in her eyes.

"Kissing you is never a pretence."

He notices the hint of colour in her cheeks. One day she would start believing him.

* * *

><p>Come Tuesday, morning tea break Edmund asks to see him in his office.<p>

"Sure thing boss," he slowly drawls in reply and glances at Juliet.

She stiffens, hands clasped in her lap, her expression unreadable. He follows Edmund out of the staff room and down to his office. He's never been to the pricks office before, recalls the times Juliet has and how upset she always is afterwards. He tells himself he can do this, he can con Edmund Burke, he can con out of hate alone for that man. Draws on the same hate he has for the man who conned his parents _Sawyer_.

Edmund closes the door behind him and that can't be good. He looks into his cold face.

"Have a seat," Edmund indicates to a chair.

James sits and watches Edmund sit down in his leather recliner, his eyes never leaving his face.

"Tell me James," Edmund begins, "what do you really want with Juliet?"

Play dumb, that always works, he's played that role plenty of times before when working undercover.

"Don't know what you mean?"

"C'mon," Edmund scoffs, "a good looking man like yourself interested in a frumpy medical researcher."

James gives him a blank look.

"There has to be something in it for you," Edmund continues.

James tosses his head back and meet's Edmund's gaze full on.

"Like what?"

Edmund grins in a creepy way, unsettling James.

"You're name isn't James Smith," he says, "you are not studying to become a medical researcher and you've never even been to College."

James keeps quiet. Let the man do the talking. Men like Edmund love it when they think they are right. Let them think it's all their idea.

"You're a conman."

"And how would you know that?"

"I've hired someone to track your records."

James eyes narrow. "Why?"

"Because I don't trust you Sawyer Ford."

James notes the triumphant look in Edmund's eyes. Well this is going better than he thought he would, Edmund is actually playing right into his hands, for now.

"Well you've got me there boss," he says, getting to his feet.

He has to play this cool. Edmund looks up at him.

"So what do you want with Juliet Sawyer?"

James plants both of his hands on Edmund's desk and looks him squarely in the eyes.

"Money."

Edmund's gaze is cool and calculated. "Money?"

"Yeah the money your gonna give her when she sells her half of the fertility treatment to ya."

A small smile hovers at the corners of Edmunds mouth.

"She won't sell me her half."

James smiles down at the smug bastard.

"But she will when I convince her too."

There was a moment's silence and James raised an eyebrow, pulling out a card from his pocket he hands it to Edmund.

"If ya want to discuss it with me, meet me at this tavern at 7.00pm tonight."

Edmund takes the card and James gives him a salute with his fingers.

"Nice doing business with ya."

He then turns promptly away and exits the office. James takes a deep fortifying breath, aw hell and runs stiff fingers through his hair. Hell that was easier than he thought, but it left him feel empty and oddly depressed inside.

"Well what did he say?" Juliet asks once he returns to the lab.

"Have him eating out of the palm of my hand Blondie," he returns but he sees the scepticism in her eyes.

"Seriously Juliet that smug bastard must be rubbing his hands together with glee upon learning I'm about to screw you over."

He drew his hand across his eyes, a sharp sudden deep throbbing starting at the base of his skull. Random flashes of scattered images flash before his closed eyes, images of people's faces he didn't know and places he knew he'd never visited but always just one face appearing over and over again _you don't get to leave, you owe me, I made you._

"James," came Juliet's worried voice and he feels her cool hand touch his.

His eyes spring open and he feels dazed for a moment.

"You alright?"

No, not really, that was weird, what was that? The dull throb in his head now pounding causing him to squint.

"Yeah sure," he replies rubbing his forehead, no need to worry Juliet, "I was just remembering something."

Something he doesn't remember. And he forces himself to smile.

"It'll be fine."

* * *

><p>James was on his third beer when he spied Edmund walking into the tavern, some pretty young research assistant on his arm. Sally was her name, long brown hair, pretty but too much red lipstick. Edmund's eyes met with his, James acknowledge his look. Edmund whispered something in Sally's ear and she moved away to a table on her own and Edmund approached him.<p>

James looked up at him and Edmund slid into the seat opposite him.

"You've made her fall in love with you?" he spoke, more as a statement rather than a question.

"Because that is what you do isn't it? You make them fall in love and then you take their money."

Raising the beer James took a swig. "Yep that is what I do."

Funny how true those words rang in his ears and he despised himself for it. If it were true that would make him just as bad as Edmund, luckily it wasn't.

Edmund was grinning from ear to ear. _He has to do this_ for her James reminds himself and clenches his fist, fighting the urge to punch him out.

"Always knew there had to be more to you James or should I call you Sawyer."

"Better call me Jim, we don't want any slip ups at work, don't want Juliet knowing."

"Of course."

They discussed money, how much Juliet would get and it was only a matter of time before he'd talk her into signing her life away.

"Can't wait to see her face," Edmund said, a malicious smile crossing his face and James clenched his fist again under the seat. He had permanent cramps in that hand now. He couldn't wait to see Edmund's face when he realised he'd been set up, James mutedly mused.

Edmund indicated for Sally to join them. She had some other young pretty woman with her; a woman that James knew had been eyeing him for some time. Sally sat next to Edmund and the other woman next to him.

"This is Caitlyn, Caitlyn Jim," Edmund introduced.

James plastered a smile to his face, hell he just wanted to get out of there but now he was trapped. He forced the words from his lips, "well hello darling."

"Let's have some celebratory drinks," Edmund suggested and he snapped his fingers at a passing waitress.

"We will have your most expensive bottle of champagne."

The hours passed, so did another bottle of champagne. His head hurt, badly and the smell of the perfume Caitlyn wore only made it worse, as much as kissing the bawdy pretty young woman. She was all over him and giggling like some damn school girl and he played the part because Edmund was watching him. But there came a time he just wanted out of there. He'd had enough, this wasn't him.

"Gotta go," he eventually said, "thanks for the drinks boss."

He looked down Caitlyn.

"You coming sweet cheeks?"

She giggled and got to her feet and he took her hand in his, gaving Edmund a grin.

Once outside James hailed a taxi and put her in it. She looked at him puzzled. He pulled out two fifty dollar notes and shoved them in her hand.

"Go home Caitlyn, sleep it off."

"B-But ..." she protested clinging to his hand.

"You ain't my type," he muttered and shoving his hands in his pockets he walked away, back to his car.

* * *

><p>He couldn't face Juliet, not after that night. He reeked of Caitlyn's perfume and felt disgusted. He went home had a shower, chucked his clothes in the washing machine and sat down and poured himself a strong shot of bourbon. It was just another sting so why did he feel so lousy? He sculled the contents of the glass and poured himself another shot.<p>

Now that he had Edmund believing him it was only a matter of time before they wrapped up this case, a week max. Then the bastard would pay for what he'd done. James clenched the glass tightly till his hand ached.

_Revenge isn't the answer Jimmy _his Uncle's words, he remembered them, remembered writing that letter, remembered his Uncle telling him to let it go. But he couldn't, he couldn't let the hate and need for revenge go. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that he'd lost everything. It wasn't fair that he had to suffer.

_Its fate, some of us are meant to suffer._ The words shook him, as much as the sudden flash of the man who uttered them.

His hand trembled as he poured himself another shot of bourbon.

"You're losing your mind now," he laughed bitterly and took a swig.

The bourbon burned all the way down his oesophagus and it feel good but then another man's face flashed into his head, pale, looking have dead.

_It'll come back around._

James felt a tightness in his stomach and poured himself another shot of bourbon, spilling some on the coffee table. What the hell was wrong with him? But if he got pissed enough then maybe these weird random images would stop because it had to, he needed it to, he didn't want to go there, wherever the hell there was.

James fell into a restless sleep, he felt hot. He was burning up, sweat trickled down his back. He was in hell.

_This business that you have to do will it ease your suffering?_

_Yes._

The shrimp van came into view. _You're not a killer James. _Not yet.

He clutched the gun in his pocket, stared at the man responsible for his suffering, Sawyer. And he was going to kill him, so why the fuck was it so hard. Trembling, tears burning the back of his eyes as the man spoke to him.

_Where you from?_

_Tennessee._

_I love the south._

He can feel the smoothness of the gun in his hand, but his hand is shaking so badly _he wasn't a killer_.

_If you look a man in the eye and point a gun at him you find out who you really are mate and should you find out you're not a killer there's no refund._

_Won't be a problem._

It's dark and it's pouring with rain. James watches the man from his car, watches him lug two heavy trash bags to the nearest bin. Conflicting emotions coursing through his veins _this will ease his suffering; this will set him free, atonement and justice._

James reaches for the gun in the glove box compartment, makes sure it's loaded. He gets out of the car and approaches the man, Sawyer, the man responsible for all of his suffering.

"Sawyer," he calls.

The man turns around and he points the gun at him, aims for the heart and fires. The man falls back against the bin, clutches his hand to his shirt, blood seeps through. And for a moment James stands rooted to the spot, half in disbelief at what he's just done. He just shot a man but before he will allow those thoughts to enter his head he bends down so he's eye level with the man.

"You used to go by the name Sawyer," he begins.

"What the hell are you talking about," the man gasps and coughs.

Horror swamps James.

"You didn't have to ... tell Hibb's I would have paid."

"How do you know Hibbs?"

"You ... you don't know what you're doing do ya."

"You borrowed money from Hibbs?"

"I was gonna pay ..."

James is shaking uncontrollably in disbelief and dread. What has he done? What the fuck has he done? The man looks up at him, face pale.

_It'll come back around._

James gazes down at the dead man's body repulsion at what he's done washing over him. Everything fine in him had gone to rot. Who the hell was he? Turning around he sees a mirror and stares at his reflection. It is him but it isn't him, with the shaggy hair, black leather jacket and dusty old jeans. He can see the hate in his own eyes mingled with the raw pain and self loathing. Raising the gun at his own reflection he pulls the trigger, fragments of bright white light burst through his body and James wakens with a fright, gasping for air, clutching his chest.

His body drenched in sweat. Mind numbing disbelief racks his head and heart. He'd killed him. He'd killed an innocent man? No, it was just a dream, just some crazy fucked up dream. But so realistic, his body still trembling and he blindly feels for his glasses knocking the glass of water on his bedside table to the ground.

He swore under his breath and flicked the bedside lamp on, dragging himself into a sitting position. The light from the lamp bringing him some relief and he ran a hand through his damp tangled hair. He reached for his diary and a pen and wrote down the dream while he still remembered it. It wasn't hard to do, because the images were so clear in his head. He swallowed the lump in his throat.

_What did I do? _He scribbled _who was I?_

* * *

><p>James wasn't himself and it worried Juliet. He was late for work most mornings this week and come Friday she could see the dark circles under his eyes. He had told her about what had happened at the tavern with Edmund, told her it would be over soon and Edmund had brought the con hook, line and sinker.<p>

"You must be feeling good then," she'd said expecting him to look pleased but she hadn't expected the shadows in his eyes.

"Seems so Blondie," he'd quickly said leaving her to wonder if she'd imagined those shadows.

"This time next week you can sign the dotted line and then we'll have him."

So soon, could it really be over that soon? Why wasn't he happy? Often she'd glance his way and see him looking lost in his own thoughts. Was it because of her? Was he thinking of ways to gently let her down? Was it all over? Would he tell her that he'd made a mistake and he didn't want to be with her because he didn't fall in love. And he had been oddly distant and it hurt. If she wasn't so insecure she would ask him and now seeing the dark rings under his eyes maybe she should. She needed answers, reassurance, anything.

"Why don't you come over for dinner tonight, I'll make lasagne, we can chill out with a couple glasses of wine."

He smiled then.

"I'd like that."

* * *

><p>He turned up at seven, prompt as always.<p>

"Smells good Blondie," he smiles when she greets him at the door.

He leans forward and kisses her on the mouth, his hand brushing through her hair. He smells good and she fights the urge to cling to him.

Not trusting her heart to him just yet.

Risk loving him.

Needing him.

Moving back, her eyes search his face and he looks so tired and weary.

"What is wrong with you James?" she softly asks.

His gaze suddenly became guarded.

"Nothing," he returns and shakes the hair out of his eyes.

She doesn't believe him.

"It's me isn't it?" she blurts out.

He looks astounded.

"What? No" runs a hand up the back of his neck, his eyes boring into hers "why would you think that?"

She lowers her eyes, feels silly, insecure. What man in his right mind would want her, all those old fears still haunting her, as they did every day.

"It's nothing," she murmurs, "let's get a glass of wine."

He follows her into the kitchen and she glances over her shoulders at him, sees the mix of worry and regret in his eyes. Something was wrong with him, something bad and turning to face him she touched his chest with her fingertips.

"Please tell me what is wrong James?" she asks

James gazes into her worried face. Clasping her hand in his, he drew it to his mouth and brushed a kiss to her wrist.

He has to tell her because she is obviously thinking he's about to dump her or something along those line and he knows it'll be a long while before she gets over what Edmund has done to her, to trust again.

"It's not you Juliet," he murmurs.

His lips brush her forehead. She is the best thing that has happened to him but risking his heart to love again also opened him to old wounds and pain he'd tried to bury for so many years. Then there were the dreams. No longer nice or warm, no longer containing her. No these dreams were dark, full of hate and revenge.

He takes a deep breath and gazes into her beautiful eyes.

"I'm not dreaming about jungles anymore Blondie," he mutters, no it was far worse than that.

His eyes catch hers, a question in their depths. "What are you dreaming about?"

"Places I've never seen, people I don't know."

She frowns. "And what is wrong with that, I have dreams like that too?"

He twirls a lock of her hair around his finger.

"It's not where I am," he sighs "or whom I with it's what I do in the dreams."

Confusion crosses her face. "What do you do?"

"I con Juliet, I con women, I make them fall in love with me, I make them believe a lie and then I take their money."

Her face softens. "But they are just dreams James."

"Are they?"

He turns away from her. Hell she is probably thinking he's crazy. And maybe he is.

"You don't know how much I currently hate myself Blondie," he got out in a harsh voice, "hate everything I am, what I have to pretend to be, makes me forget what is real, what isn't."

Juliet weaves her arms around him and it feels good, reassuring.

"You have no reason to hate yourself James. You're a good person, a detective, you up hold the law and protect people."

Yeah he knew he was all of those things _now_ but how did he explain the dream he has of being in prison? Why was he suddenly having these dreams? And why when he wakes up afterwards in a pool of sweat that he knew deep down that they were not just dreams. They were memories.

"C'mon," Juliet tugs him so he has no option but to face her. "Let's have a glass of wine, we should be celebrating."

James manages to snap himself out of his dark thoughts and enjoy himself. Juliet had a calm way of bringing him out of himself and his morose thoughts. Doesn't quite understand how she does that?

They have no sooner made themselves comfortable on the sofa when his phone went off.

"Damn," he mutters pulling it out of his pocket.

It is Miles.

"Sorry to interrupt your night but there's been a murder, homicide by the look of it, you have to get here Jim."

Shit.

"Bad news?" Juliet asks.

He pockets the phone, frowning.

"Yeah damn it, there's been a body found in a house, looks like murder, I have to go."

He's just beginning to relax too. For the first time that week, the darkness havivg subsided. He was beginning to feel like his old self.

"Hey I'll come back Blondie, if it's not too late."

He cups her face with his hand and brushes his lips across hers.

* * *

><p>There were some things he couldn't face, some murder investigations that made him revisit each and every painful moment of the time his father shot his mother and them himself. God he wished he wasn't here, in this house, seeing the woman's bloody body on the ground, the traumatised child huddled in the corner of the room sobbing. He tries to disassociate himself from the scene, tries to be objective but his eyes are riveted on the child. He would be no more than seven years old.<p>

"No kid should witness that," a grisly old looking detective muttered beside him. "Reminds of a case when I was working in Jasper Alabama," he continued.

James froze.

"Husband shot his wife and then himself. The kid was hiding under the bed, all shook up and in shock, like that one over there."

James tore his eyes away from the sight of the boy. _No kid should witness that._

"How does anyone get over something like that?"

He has to get out of there, out of that place, away from the memories that strip away at the very core of his heart.

* * *

><p>Juliet hears a banging on her door. She sits up startled and glances at the digital clock. Who would call at midnight? The knock comes again and she hastily climbs out of bed, reaching for her dressing gown and putting it on. She walks barefoot to the door.<p>

"Who is it?"

"It's me James."

She yanks the door open and looks into his pale taut face. He looks like hell. She can't recall seeing him this shattered before.

"James?"

He half staggers through the front door. How much has he had to drink and why?

"You're drunk."

"No." He shakes his head. "Not drunk enough."

She closes the front door and turns to face him. He's trembling from head to foot and now she's worried as hell.

"James," she says again.

He leans against the wall and she doesn't miss the tortured pain in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" her voice not much more than a whisper.

"I-I ..." but he can't get the words past his lips.

Next thing he knows she's led him to her bedroom, was removing his shirt.

"I couldn't face it Juliet," he stammers, "couldn't handle seeing that boy so traumatized, just brought back memories."

She draws his head tenderly to her chest, her fingers stroking his hair and her touch is so damn soothing. He's in a dark place, a place it seems he has spent his whole life avoiding and just when he think he's gotten out of there, something happens to make him feel as wretched and vulnerable as that eight your old kid he'd once been. It would always be there, always part of him.

He's not thinking straight at all, only wants more of the comfort and compassion Juliet offers him.

"Stay with me," he murmurs in her hair.

She opens her arms to him, he goes willingly filled with need and she wraps her arms around him in a protective but also tender way.

He shudders.

"Shss, it'll be okay James," she softly whispers, her arms holding him tightly. "I've got you."

* * *

><p>He wakes up several hours later and it takes a moment for him to get his bearings. Soft arms holding him, her hair falling over his shoulder caressing his cheek, tickling his nose, his hand clasped in hers. So close, warm, intimate and he has to be dreaming. Wouldn't be the first time he's dreamt this, sometimes it seems damn real too and then he'd roll over and no one would be there and an emptiness would hit him hard in pit of his guts. What had he lost? Something special, something wonderful and the best thing that had ever happened to him.<p>

He's almost too afraid to roll over just in case he is dreaming but her breath is warm against his neck. It had to be real and he decides to chance it, rolling slowly over to face her, Juliet, his girl, the only girl to ever truly unconditionally love him.

She is real.

Instant relief, he's not dreaming and reaches out a hand to touch her, reassure himself that she is really here, lying in his arms. His fingers lightly rest on the peak of her forehead and her hair falls, partially covering her face. He gently pushes it back so he can see her, lying there, fast asleep, looking beautiful and content. Deep down he knows he's secretly always longed for this, this closeness with another human being, someone who understood him, someone not horrified by the pitiful man he was, the sad angry lonely boy who became an angry revengeful man. And he can't always understand those thoughts, where had they come from? His other life, another life he doesn't remember but the same self hate still there. Not that he's done anything bad enough to warrant it, he was a cop, he did good things. He wasn't a criminal so why did he sometimes feel like one? And why was it when he was around her he could believe he was something so much more?

"Juliet," he whispers and her eyes flicker.

His hand rests on her cheek and he lightly rests his forehead against hers.

"It's really you," he murmurs, his thumb brushing over her soft lips, not even knowing why he is saying these things. "Tell me it's you."

She sighs, snuggles in closer to him. "It's me James." Eyes still shut and she must still be asleep and a tenderness he can't define overcomes him. This was right, they belong together. They would always be together. They would always find each other, no matter what time line.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Well on the plus side it was a long chapter though I feel it is a bit disjointed at times. The many disruptions I had today didn't help and here it is pass ten at night here now and I feel like I've rushed this chapter towards the end because I just wanted to get it out there before another working week started here. Because it's been so long! The good news is that this term is nearly over and a two week school holiday break starts here in just one more week. And on an even better note I've reduced my work load, which means less pay but it means I'll have more time to do the things I love, like writing.**

**I know this chapter is a bit dark and the darkest in this story. It doesn't stay that way.**

**Please leave a review and let me know that you haven't abandoned me with my long drawn out updates! Most sorry about that.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Unbelievable but I've actually uploaded another chapter just eight days later!**

**Enjoy.**

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><p><strong>CHAPTER TEN. <strong>

Juliet is in the land of contentment, no dreams of crazy islands, no waking up feeling like she hasn't slept, no worries, everything is peachy and perfect and she's warm, too warm actually. In fact she's roasting. Maybe she has left the electric blanket on? Her eyes slowly open and she gazes straight into James' face and freezes. James here, in her bed! Suddenly the events of the previous night wash over her. That's right James was upset, no he was really distressed. She had never seen him like that before. He was shaking, she comforted him, he wanted to hold on to her and she'd led him to her bedroom. She had felt the shudders rip through him, his grief becoming a palpable thing to her, so real she could feel it and she understood that sort of grief. Had been there herself before and it was an emotional pain that spoke of terrible losses.

"It'll be alright," she had whispered but he didn't loosen his hold on her.

When he lay back on the bed, Juliet let him take her with him, let him hold her tightly against him as he pressed his wet face into the softness of her shoulder. She forgot everything except the man she held, the man who held her as if she was his lifeline. Her fingers had found their way into his hair and caressed him soothingly, telling him with her touch that she was there and that she cared. She had continued to hold him till the shakes subsided and he'd fallen into a deep sleep.

It had taken her a lot longer to get to sleep. It had been forever and a day since she had last held a man in her arms, in her bed, a man in dire need of comfort. She used to dream of moments like this with Edmund, one day him realising what an ass he'd been, profusely apologising and she holding him and telling him it was okay but of course that was never going to happen. And she had lain there last night thinking about what it was she had ever seen in Edmund and how had she let herself be taken in by him? And was this what love really felt like? Lying in bed with a man who made you feel wanted and beautiful? A man who understood your pain because he'd already been there himself, been in hell like her.

Edmund had never made her feel anything and sex with him had bordered on almost being awful and she'd put up with it for the first six months into their marriage thinking that it would have to get better one day, wouldn't it? But the only thing she had learnt from Edmund about sex was how to hate it. Of course he had always blamed her for their not so crash hot sex life. She wasn't good at it, there was something wrong with her, most other women knew how to have sex, most other women knew what a man wanted and needed and the list went on and on and on. Soon she simply forgot what it was to be desirable or even if she ever had been. And with time it became something she no longer even cared about. She could live without it, without men, without sex, forgetting even how to be wanted, how to do sexy, how to have a life. Much easier to put all her energies into her work, where she could escape the world, forget she was a woman, forget she had needs and desires of her own, forget she even existed.

And then James came waltzing into her life, reminding of what it meant to live again, to have fun, to laugh and well to feel sexy and wanted.

She gazes into his face, so close to her own she can see the faint lines around his eyes. He looks so much younger asleep and well he's gorgeous, the way his hair falls into his eyes and raising a hand she gently rubs the strands between her fingers and it feels surprisingly soft. And now she's thinking about sex, thinking about what it might be like with him, remembering the way he had kissed her the night of their date and how passionate it had been. Somehow she knows sex with him would be amazing and it has been so long, so very, very long since she last had sex or even sex that was remotely amazing if ever. There was Justin in College, he was sort of cute but sex with him wasn't amazing, more trial and error with it being her first time and it his but it had been sweet in that inexperienced beginners sort of way. But now she wants to have sex, the sort of sex that makes her feel alive and passionate and on fire and wanted.

James is looking straight at her, with that half sleepy look in his eyes. And damn but he really is far too gorgeous. Her eyes meet with his and time hangs suspended, momentarily and in his open gaze she sees her own thoughts reflected there.

He doesn't say anything. Not a word. He reaches out a hand and burrows his fingers into her hair, finding her scalp with his fingertips and the touch of his fingers on her scalp sends wild shivers trickling through her.

"Beautiful," James whispers hoarsely, "you're beautiful."

The stroking of his fingers, the intensity of his grey blue eyes, deprives her of speech. His fingers move from her hair to her face, his thumb brushes against her lips. He leans forwards and covers her mouth with his, so soft, so gently as if unsure of her reaction. A low moan escapes her lips and he deepens the kiss, slipping his tongue intimately into her mouth and a deep seated need overtakes all of her senses. She just wants to feel close to him, because she can't even remember ever being that close or that intimate with another man. Never in her life had Juliet dreamt that a kiss could be so passionate, so intimate or so arousing. She wants to make him feel all that he was making her feel and deepens the kiss.

"God Juliet," he whispers roughly in a hoarse voice.

Her hands curl on his chest as he kisses her again, kneading him until he thinks he'll lose his mind for wanting her. Her palms spread out across his chest and begin to explore, touch him in ways that makes his body heat up about ten degrees. And he just wants her, badly and his own hands feel for her breast but the damn PJ's she's wearing are in the way.

"Unbutton your top, take it off."

The husky, hoarse command sends a jolt of excitement racing through her that make her legs go numb, followed immediately by a rushing tide of modesty that paralyses her.

"Juliet?" James looks up, confusion crossing his face.

She sucks at this, hadn't Edmund repeatedly told her so and what if she disappoints James too? She just couldn't face that.

James sees the apprehension in her eyes.

"I-I don't want to go too far," she murmurs and more colour floods her face.

He knows that anything and everything is going to be a slow process with her but for a moment there he had sensed her need and passion, a passion that matched his own so what was she suddenly so afraid of?

"We don't have to rush anything, I ain't going anywhere," he replies and she looks like she doesn't believe him and he inwardly curses that bastard of her ex-husband for filling her head with doubts and fears and god knows what else.

"W-What if I disappoint you," she whispers.

And his heart aches. He shuts his eyes and shakes his head. "Not possible Juliet."

"But you're so experienced," she continues, her voice catching, "you've had so many beautiful experienced women and I-I ..." her voice breaks off there and she looks away ashamed.

James bites his tongue. If words won't convince her then making love to her will. Actions speak louder than words after all. He plants little kisses down the side of her neck. "Experience means nothing," he murmurs in her hair, "it's what a person makes you feel when you're with them."

Raising his head, his eyes lock with her eyes. He sees the doubt there and wants to wipe it away. "And you make me feel alive."

Tears gather in her eyes. "So do you," she chokes back the tears and manages a smile.

It is all the reassurance he needs. He lowers his mouth to hers, runs his tongue along the smooth edges of her teeth, along the satiny, sensitive insides of her cheeks and lips. He feels her restless stirrings against him.

"Come closer Juliet," he whispers, "come closer."

His hands rest on her hips, pulling her closer towards him. She leans over him, her hair brushing against his bare chest and she deepens the kiss, her tongue now doing its own exploration and her hands plough through his hair as need and desperation take over.

It has been too long, and she wants him, wants to feel him inside of her and she no longer cares if he's disappointed, somehow knowing he won't be and she knows the areas he likes to be touched, what works for him and before long she hears the groan deep in his throat and it's all the validation she needs to hear. He wants her and he makes her feel needed and wanted. For the first time in a decade she feels like a woman. His kisses trail fire down her neck across her shoulders and breasts, she wasn't even aware that he had unbuttoned her PJ top. He is touching her in places she can't even remember last being touched and god it feels so good. He moves his body so he is on top of her and she gazes up into his face, sees her own needs and wants mirrored there. He captures her breast in his hands and rubs his thumbs over her nipples, drawing a long, low sound from her.

"That turns me on," he murmurs, "the way you respond, the way you sound."

"But I want to please you," she says when she can find breath.

"You do, Juliet. Sweetheart you do."

And, oh, how it excites her to excite him because she can't remember ever exciting a man like this before, with her limited experience.

Somehow at some point it became impossible to tell who is giving and who is receiving. Arms and legs entangle and she can't get enough of him. The sensations were so new, so sharp and so exquisite and she reaches the brink swiftly and she will never forget the instant he slid into her, causing a deep, clenching thrill to spear through her or the way he feels when he collapses on her and lies tiredly against her, his muscles quivering, his breath gasping. She will never forget the sound of her name on his lips or hers on his and she will definitely never forget how much she loves him, has always loved him.

* * *

><p>He holds her, stroking her from head to hip, murmuring gently to her as he basks in the incredible simple pleasure of just holding her like this. Because this, despite all the women he's been with, this is something he can't ever remember experiencing. Sex was mind blowing when it was with someone you loved. Why the hell had he denied himself of this sort of contentment and pleasure for so long? It wasn't a matter of going through the motion, he wanted to please her, he wanted to wipe away all of her doubts and fears and make her feel alive again. He wanted to feel alive too because up until now he had to question if he'd really been living at all? Such a precious feeling, he thought, the touch of skin on skin, her chest to his.<p>

"You're beautiful Juliet. Beautiful, warm and passionate," he whispers as he holds her. "I wouldn't have missed that for the world."

She snuggles into him. "Me neither," she murmurs back, her fingers lightly caressing his chest.

He couldn't imagine that by sharing a past tragedy with another human being would also allow for him to deal with it in ways he hadn't before now been able to, that being so open and vulnerable also brought relief to the pain he carried in his heart. It had been like a healing balm, the way she had held and comforted him last night. In his line of work he had seen so much ugliness of the world, a world that he once believed as a young boy he could somehow make better. Becoming a cop meant he could bring about justice, fill the gaping hole left inside of him by the death of his parents. Even with knowing that his father shot his mother and that his father was the one ultimately responsible for his loss as that young eight year old boy but he wasn't the cause. Not that he'd ever tried to justify the actions of his father, because what sort of man shot an innocence woman? He just never allowed such thoughts to enter his head because it was too horrifying for a young boy to understand and so he'd concentrated instead on the man responsible, the conman that went by the name Sawyer. If he could put bastards like that behind bars, at least justice would have been served and maybe just maybe the empty void in his life would get filled.

But it hadn't.

The only thing that could fill that void was finding love, love he'd spent his whole life running from. And it was kind of ironic really.

For the first time in a long while he felt normal. A man who had spent the last ten years of his life working undercover eventually forgot really how to be a part of anything. Survival demanded that you appeared involved without getting involved, that you participate while always remaining an observer. It meant changing personalities all the time. In the end, maybe it also meant losing yourself. The funny thing is, that he'd seemed to be doing that in both timelines, even if he had been something different in both. Good now, bad back then and it had left him feeling really unsettled, especially that dream he had of killing a man, becoming the conman he hated, hating himself.

He wasn't a murderer, so why did he feel like one? What was with the dreams? If the island and that past live he believed now to be real then had Sawyer been real too? Was that the person he was then? It had to be and maybe finding Juliet then, there on that island fixed him just as she was fixing him now. And maybe it sort of went both ways. He needed her, she needed him.

"James," Juliet spoke.

He glanced into her concerned face. "Where did you go just then?"

He pulled her closer "just thinking" and buried his face in her hair.

* * *

><p>Juliet stood under the shower, enjoying the hot water spray over her body. Right now it felt terribly good to be alive. She can't remember the last time she ever felt this content, this happy. It felt marvellous to finally be able to leave pretence behind and to finally be able to honestly express desire without fear of rejection. How liberating it was to be desired in return.<p>

"Damn," James muttered from the vicinity of the hand basin, "what is it with women's razors? How the hell can you use them when they are so dull?"

"There is a fresh one under the basin," she returned turning the taps off and reaching for her towel, watching in amusement as he rummaged through the cupboard, muttering under his breath.

"To your left," she instructed and he pulled the new razor out.

James turned, razor in hand and looked at her.

"Are you laughing at me?" He pretended to scowl. "I'm only doing this for you, you know."

"And I appreciate it."

His gaze lingered on the towel she had wrapped around herself. She reached for her clothes but not before he put a restraining hand on her arm.

"Where do you think you're going Blondie?" His breath was warm on her neck, causing her skin to tingle. "Get back in that shower girl."

"But I'm clean now," she began, feeling her face reddened.

All of a sudden she felt shy again. She wasn't entirely comfortable with having him see her naked and before she could say anything more he'd picked up her lipstick from the hand basin and drawn it across her chest.

"Opps," he grinned, "I guess I'm gonna have to wash that off now."

Her mouth opened in momentarily surprise and he drew more lipstick on her arm.

"Such a grot, guess you better get back in that shower."

He was grinning from ear to ear now and a slow smile crossed her face. Oh he was sassy alright, damn him. He proceeded to pick up a strand of her hair.

"You need to wash ya hair."

She raised an eyebrow. "And I guess you're going to wash it for me?"

"Ya want me too?" he asked, his voice husky.

"Have you ever washed a woman's hair before?"

"First time for everything."

Oh what the hell. He was impossible to refuse. Reaching for the shower taps she turned them on.

"You better be quick shaving James."

* * *

><p>She had never done anything like this before, having a shower with a man, rubbing soap on him and him to her and it was so very sensual and fun. There was much laughter, much kissing, a lot of touching and oh lordy she but she hadn't known what living was till now. It wasn't long before Juliet forgot her shyness and succumbed to the pleasure of being treated as if she was precious and desirable. And beautiful. He made her feel so beautiful, which she surely was not.<p>

"It feels good doesn't it Juliet?" James murmured as he brushed kisses against her eyelids, her cheek and chin rendering her speechless and all she can manage is 'hmm hmm.'

She gazed into his face and saw the amusement in his eyes.

"You've probably done this countless times," she managed to get out in a husky voice.

"No, not this, generally avoid this sort of intimacy," he admitted pushing a wet strand of hair out of her eyes. "Till I met you."

She was captivated by the warmth in his eyes, the desire and the open honesty of his answer. And now that they had found this with each other all she wanted was to be with him, not let him out of her sight. Surely this was too good to last?

* * *

><p>Juliet made pancakes and managed not to burn them. It was nearly midday and she'd spent all morning in bed with James, making out. Her, dowdy plain Jane, boring quiet medical researcher making out with a hot man who made her laugh, made her feel sexy, made her feel a myriad of emotions she never thought to experience. Till his stomach starting grumbling and maybe they should eat something.<p>

He was in the kitchen, getting in her way, sticking his nose into her cupboards, checking out what she had and he really was nosy. It made her smile in bemusement, and another house flashed through her mind, a different kitchen, more homely than hers and him always getting in the way.

"Sit down James," she chided, "before I trip over you or something."

He was wearing just his jeans, that sat low on his hips and she stood for a moment admiring his torso. How good it felt to touch him, to have him touch her and the feel of his hands on her skin.

"I'm starving Blondie, how much longer is it gonna take?"

She hastily returned her attention to the pancakes feeling her face reddened. "It's nearly ready."

He ate with relish, so did she. Making out all morning long made one really hungry. Every now and again his eyes would meet hers and they'd stare at each, captivated, thinking the same thing before he'd shake his head with amazement.

"Hell girl I could wake up every morning to this with you."

His words made her heart speed up. She was about to come up with a sassy reply when his phone started ringing again, for the sixth time. He couldn't keep ignoring it.

"You should answer it."

"It'll only be Miles, wanting me to go into work."

She knew he didn't want to because it meant facing last night and him having to answer as to why he ran off. She knows the shame that he feels.

"You know he's not going to stop."

James ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "Yeah I know, dammit."

He grabbed the phone.

"Yeah alright keep ya hair on Enos what's left of it, ya don't want that bald patch getting any worse."

Juliet smiled and shook her head. He always did like giving Miles a hard time about his hair and the smile left her face as quickly as it came. Again the other kitchen flashed through her mind, Miles and James arguing. She shook her head to clear it. That was weird, way too weird and it left an unsettled feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"I'll be there shortly."

James hung up the phone and gave her a disgruntled look. "Guess I'll have to go into work."

That's okay she needed time to process her thoughts and emotions. She had things to do, like buying nicer clothes, like joining a gym to get her figure back so then she wouldn't have to be so self conscious when naked around him. And she needed to see her sister and tell her what had happened or maybe not. Rachel might not approve. And she needed to go on the pill, it was alright for today, wrong time of the month to get pregnant but a week from now it won't be. She should also get a manicure, a pedicure, maybe a facial, and maybe get a bikini wax and her eyebrows waxed whilst she was at it, it'd been a while.

"What's going through that head of yours Blondie?" James asked a hint of amusement in his eyes.

Only about twenty million ridiculous things she hadn't given thought to forever and a day.

"Not much."

* * *

><p>He kissed her goodbye at the door, a long lingering deeply satisfying kiss that left her breathless and his hands ploughed through her hair.<p>

"You should always wear your hair down Juliet," he murmured huskily, his lips leaving a hot trail from her ear to her shoulder. "It's like something from a fairy tale."

Maybe that's what this was, a fairytale, she mused, too good to be true. She half expected him to vanish before her eyes, like in that other place, the island. She shivered.

"Don't you go anywhere," he growled, "I'll be back in a couple of hours."

She nodded, about all she felt capable off. And with a last lingering kiss he disappeared out of the door. She closed the door behind him and leant against it for support. Was this really happening to her?

A sudden knock on the door startled her out of her reverie. Had James forgotten something? She pulled the door open and was dismayed to see Edmund standing on her doorstep. For a moment she felt like slamming the door in his face.

"No need to look so thrilled to see me," he remarked, his eyes wondering over her daggy old tracksuit and singlet she was wearing and then she suddenly remembered she wasn't wearing a bra.

Shit.

"What do you want Edmund?" she said coldly, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"Can I come in?"

No, what he could do was piss off but she reluctantly stepped back to let him pass and quickly reached for her sweater hanging up on a hook and pulled it on. She turned to find him watching her and her skin crawled.

"Why are you here?" she asked.

"For this," he replied, holding up an A4 yellow envelope.

"And what is that?"

"A contract for you to sign your half of the fertility treatment to me," he said, slowly, "you'll be paid handsomely for it Juliet."

"I already told you Edmund," she returned, "that the only way I'll sign that contract is if you break yours with me and let me go."

Not likely to happen though she inwardly fumed. And she watched him place the envelope on the bench with narrowed eyes.

"Just read it Juliet, think about it."

She was done with thinking.

"Well now that you've delivered your little package Edmund you can leave."

He just smirked in that arrogant annoying way.

"Of course, I guess lover boy will be returning soon, let's just hope he's not too disappointed when it comes to having sex with you," he commented.

Oh he won't be she felt like saying but kept her mouth shut. She wasn't going to let him get to her.

Edmund walked to the front door and she followed, glad to be rid of him. Trust him to come waltzing into her apartment as if he owned it and owned her and well in a way he still did, own her that was but not for very much longer and she had to remind herself of that and not let him get to her.

He stopped at the front door and turned to face her, his eyes meeting with hers.

"You know it's only a matter of time before he tires of you Juliet," he spoke, "because you couldn't possibly keep him interested for long."

"Goodbye Edmund," she calmly returned.

"I'm only saying this for your own good," he continued touching a strand of her hair, "I don't want to see you hurt again."

It really was too much. He had some nerve and she snatched her hair out of his hand.

"Nobody could hurt me more than you already have Edmund but you don't hurt me anymore, you don't have that hold over me because I really don't give a shit what you think."

He just smirked again, gave her the once over before disappearing out of the door and she firmly shut it and locked it behind him, taking a deep fortifying breath.

Bastard! And how smug he had looked but it wasn't going to last. She can't wait for the day when he loses and realises that he'd been conned at his own game and that the very man he thinks is using her is the man who will bring him down.

Oh she was going to relish that day, the day she would finally be free of Edmund forever. And just maybe now she had found love again, she had a future too.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I should have this wrapped up in a couple of chapters so stick with it! **

**Reviews are always welcomed and loved, not to mention a great incentive to keep me writing. Plus I do like reading what people think.**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Sorry it's taken so long to update. My life is far too busy but I have a slight break at present and I most definitely have not forgotten this story so bear with me. I promise I will endeavour to complete this story. Enjoy.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 11. <strong>

Juliet eyed the envelope that lay on the bench. How long till James got back? What did she do? Should she ring him and tell him that Edmund had dropped by or maybe not. No need to worry him about it but having Edmund turn up on her doorstep had put a dark shadow over her previous euphoric mood. With him reality came crashing in hard and fast, reminding her of her current predicament. He still owned her. But not for long.

James would get him. She believed in him. After last night she no longer had any doubts about his feelings towards her. How could she when he'd made her feel so completely loved and wanted. She smiled to herself as she walked down the hallway to her bedroom. James loved her. She loved him and it really was that simple. She opened her wardrobe and began shuffling through her clothes. Funny it's just that she'd never thought she would ever have this, real love with a man who loved her equally back in return as if her fate was meant to be one of loss. Juliet shivered and pushed the morose thoughts out of her mind and frowned at the dismal clothes residing in her wardrobe. Her wardrobe really needed an overall. She'd been living like a nun for far too long. Most of her clothes were black and drab and there was no colour. She needed to put colour back in her life. Shopping would pass the time. She should ring Rachel and meet her for coffee at the mall.

That decided Juliet grabbed the phone by her bedside table and pushed in Rachel's number. Should she tell Rachel what had happened between her and James? Or did she keep it to herself. Rachel was prone to giving lectures and playing the worried bossy older sister role and how many times had she heard her say _let's face it Juliet, your track record when it comes to picking men hasn't been all that good._

* * *

><p>"There's something different about you," Rachel remarked, sipping the straw of her tall glass of iced chocolate.<p>

Rachel didn't miss much.

"Should you be drinking that?" Juliet said, eyeing Rachel's iced chocolate as a way to avoid Rachel's usual acute observations.

"Now that the morning sickness has passed I have this craving for milk shakes," Rachel admitted, and glanced at Juliet, "and stop trying to change the subject."

Juliet sighed and put a sugar in her coffee.

Rachel's eyes rested on her face.

"Why do you suddenly look so pretty?"

Juliet's face reddened slightly. How did she tell Rachel about what happened between her and James last night? What if Rachel gave her another lecture about her choice in men?

"And happy?" Rachel continued "you have this glow about you."

"I don't know what you're talking about," she stammered.

Rachel's eyes narrowed slightly and her perusal continued making Juliet squirm uncomfortably in her seat.

"You had sex with James!"

Juliet glanced fervently around. "You want to announce it to the whole shopping centre."

Rachel leaned back in her seat looking somewhat shell shocked. A lengthy silence followed and Juliet waited for the lecture.

"Well he's hot," Rachel murmured.

It was the last thing Juliet expected her to say.

"And I'm not," she returned and regretted the words as soon as she said them.

Rachel frowned and snorted. "Maybe you should start looking at yourself truthfully instead of through Edmund's eyes."

Okay she had asked for that but looking at herself honestly wasn't something she was terribly good at.

"So what was it like?"

"Amazing," she sighed, sounding like some dreamy school girl.

Rachel smiled. "God I've forgotten what amazing sex was."

"I never knew it could be amazing till now," Juliet admitted and her thoughts drifted back to James.

What was he doing right now? How long till he came back to her apartment and what was going to happen next?

"But are you sure you're doing the right thing Juliet?" Rachel asked and Juliet noted the sudden concern in her eyes. "Because well he is a cop and his line of work is sort of dangerous and you've only know him a couple of weeks."

"Feels like my whole life though," Juliet frowned.

"And you're the last person I'd ever thought to fall for that whole 'love at first sight' thing," Rachel remarked.

Juliet gave a dry laugh and shook her head. "It's not that," she began and couldn't even begin to explain to Rachel how at times it's like she had known James before. In another life, he would say but she still wasn't entirely convinced of that. How could there be more than one life?

"Do you think we could have lived before," she hesitantly asked and stirred her coffee to distract herself and waited for some derisive remark from Rachel.

But Rachel went strangely quiet and Juliet glanced at her. Rachel's face had gone a tad pale and Juliet's heart rate suddenly increased.

"Maybe," Rachel murmured.

Juliet's hand froze.

"What?"

Rachel raised haunted eyes to Juliet's. "I sometimes dream that you go away and you never return and then I wake up and I feel so gutted inside because even though it's a dream it also seemed so real," she mumbled, "I looked for you for so many years."

Juliet swallowed the sudden giant sized lump in her throat.

"But it's just a dream," Rachel continued in a brighter voice, "god listen to us, we sound so morose, let's go hit the shops, about time you had a makeover now that you've gone and fallen in love with some cop," Rachel continued dryly. "And about time you wore something else other than black clothing."

"That's why I'm here," Juliet pointed out and to pass the time too, till James returned.

* * *

><p>Miles rounded on James as soon as he stepped into the office.<p>

"Where did you disappear to last night?"

For a moment James didn't know what to say and Miles was looking at him in that speculative way.

"You had sex with Juliet," he continued.

"What," he spluttered, was it that damn obvious.

Miles shook his head. "Knew it was only a matter of time."

James frowned and Miles looked at him. "You're in the shit this time too, the old Captain is in a fine rage about you walking out last night."

James shrugged. "What else is new and I don't care what he has to say, that guy is a first class ass, he's always had it in for me."

"Ford!" bellowed the Captain from his office door and James shut his eyes. Fuck.

"Told you so," Miles remarked. "Falling in love with a woman and this job just don't mix."

James glanced at him. "Then I'll quit."

Disbelief crossed Miles face and James turned around and walked over to the Captain. Miles was right, dammit, he was in the shits now.

"Need a word with you," the Captain muttered as James neared.

James glanced at the black rimmed glasses on his face, the bald head and the clumps of grey wiry hair that the captain still liked to keep there. Seriously if he was that bald he'd just shave his hair off and be done with it. And wasn't it about time the prick retired, he must be pushing 70.

James stepped into his office and the Captain closed the door behind and James mentally braced himself. Just stay calm but the old codger had a way of getting to him and he just couldn't explain why he hated the prick so much.

"Care to explain your actions last night?" he asked, sitting down on the swivel chair at his desk.

"Couldn't handle it Hoss," he returned honestly and the Captain frowned.

"How many times I gotta tell you to stop calling me that," he snapped.

James gave him an even look.

"It's Captain Radinsky to you."

"Okay Captain," he sighed.

Radinsky pinpointed him with a glare. "I don't like your attitude Ford," he stated, "I've never liked it but unfortunately you are good at what you do but lately your work standards have been slipping."

James didn't know what to say and he could hardly tell the prick the truth. Falling in love with the main woman on a case he happened to be working on wouldn't go down well.

"Last night proves to me that maybe you need a break from being a detective for a while."

James head shot up at those words.

"If you can't handle a simple murder case like last night it means you've gone soft Ford and until you can get your emotions in check I'm putting you back on the beat once this current case you're working on is finished."

"What," James spluttered, his ears ringing.

"You need to toughen up Jim," Radinsky stated, "and you don't get to call the shots around here," he continued, "I do."

The bastard always did have it in for him, James silently fumed. Suddenly the day had gone from being amazing to being fucked in just one hour.

"You still got your police uniforms?" Radinsky asked and James longed to wipe the smirk off his face.

"I don't know, haven't done it in four years," he muttered.

"Might pay to go pass the uniform shop and get fitted out," Radinsky continued and James glared at him.

There was a time when he didn't answer to anyone. There was a time he would have told the prick to 'fuck off'. That time when he was Sawyer but he wasn't that man, that man only resided in his dreams.

"Fine," he muttered, "is that all Captain?"

"Yeah, we're done here."

James turned on his heel and stormed out of the office. Miles looked up from his desk.

"Doesn't look good," he began.

"It's not," James muttered, raking a hand through his hair. "He's putting me on the god damn fucking beat."

"Again," Miles frowned, "don't worry he'll soon cool down, realise he needs you back and re-instate you, again."

Miles was probably right but still it didn't ease the sudden shame at being put down to a mere sergeant again.

"Least now you'll get to spend more time with Juliet."

James shook his head. "Knowing that prick he'll make sure I get the night shifts and I'll be spending my evenings arresting drunks and yahoos on the streets."

"Man I remember those days, they sucked," Miles shuddered.

"Maybe I should just resign, that'll teach the prick," James muttered, falling back on to the chair at his desk.

"Don't be stupid," Miles exclaimed, "you can't resign, you and I we've been doing this together for 14 years, you can't walk out of me now."

James looked at Miles. Miles and him, since academy days when he'd been lumbered with the know it all annoying little shit he'd been back then but he couldn't explain why he had put up with him, what drew him to Miles? Why they'd become friends? Why Miles was always so loyal to him?

"What else are you going to do?" Miles continued with a thoughtful look.

"Maybe I'll go work in security or something."

Miles went still and James frowned at the sudden uncertainty in his eyes.

"What is it?"

Miles shook his head. "Like in the dream," he murmured.

"What dream?"

Miles looked up at him. "The one where we're living in the 70's in this place that's weird, has the houses that all look the same and we're wearing these overalls and you, you were the head of security."

His whole body stiffened, a flash of uniform houses flittered through his memories and he hastily pulled the drawer to his desk open and reached for his diary.

"What are you doing?" Miles asked curiously.

"Writing it down," James replied.

"Why it's just some stupid dream Jim."

"Maybe," he returned absently, "but maybe it's more."

Miles just shook his head as if he was crazy.

"Funny thing too, but Juliet was in the dream the other night."

James' head shot up. Miles frowned.

"What now?" Miles exclaimed perplexed, "you're acting so weird lately."

James ignored him and began scribbling the dream down in his diary.

"It's just a dream Jim," Miles enforced.

* * *

><p>Juliet couldn't get Rachel's words out of her head on the drive back to her apartment. <em>I sometimes dream that you go away and you never return ...I looked for you for so many years and then I wake up and I feel so gutted inside because even though it's a dream it also seemed so real<em>.

A cold chill crept through her and a sudden longing to see James hit her hard. She needed him to come home now, she needed to see him and hold him just to make sure he was real. Juliet shook the unsettling feelings away. This was just madness she told herself as she pulled into the parking bay. Grabbing the shopping bags she exited the car and walked up the stairs to her apartment on the second floor. It was eerily quiet and she felt nervous without even knowing why. She fumbled for the keys in her bag and the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. Why did she feel like someone was watching her? She spun around but there was no one there in the long empty corridor. But she still couldn't shake the unsettled feeling in the pit of her stomach.

_I sometimes dream that you go away and you never return._ Juliet tried to fit the key into the lock but her hands were trembling. She couldn't explain the sudden tears blurring her eyes. Damn it, damn fucking keys. She raised a hand and hastily wiped the tears away. Damn, damn, damn, what was wrong with her? Her eyes fell to the keys in her hand and out of the corner of her eye she sees the wheel chair approaching. Slowly she turned her head and looked at the man in the wheelchair. He's bald, he's familiar, too familiar and that cold chill returned causing her to shiver.

"Hello Juliet," he grinned.

How did he know her name? She looked at him wordlessly and a sharp sudden pain filled her head.

"You don't remember me?" he continued.

_They were standing around a well, he was holding onto a rope._

"_If what you're doing works I want to thank you."_

She froze and the word escaped her lips without her awareness.

"John," she murmured. "John Locke."

His smile widened. "You remember."

Juliet's whole body shook. She nearly crumpled. The bags fell to the ground. She brought a trembling hand up to her forehead and she found it hard to breath.

"W-What is happening to me," she gasped and her legs went weak. And she couldn't think for the blood rushing to her head.

She closed her eyes, fighting dizziness and sagged against the wall, sliding to the ground in a sitting position, bringing her knees up to her chest. It _wasn't a dream_, they were never dreams.

It was real. All of it painfully and horribly real.

Memories burst into her head, causing the sharp searing pain to worsen and suddenly she found herself lost in a world that no longer existed.

_I looked for you so many years. _Rachel's words and it all made sense now.

She had left, gone to that wretched island that would keep her prisoner. The longing and yearning to escape as real as it was then. The sheer injustice burned like battery acid in her gut.

_I just want to go home, please Ben I just want to go home, she'd begged him. _

_You're mine Juliet. Shattering any last hope she had left._

_And she wept, in that kitchen in that house, on that island she was trapped in. _

_Her prison. _

_Her life sentence._

_James in the jungle, watching the plane breaking apart in the sky, the plane that brought James to her. They captured him, locked him in the cage, the inner rage that existed within him. The last person she ever thought to fall in love with. He was so angry, so flawed, and he was her last lifeline. Travelling through time and finding themselves stuck in the 70's. He had held it all together, begged her to stay._

_His face had been the last face she had seen before she died._

_Don't you leave me and she remembered hearing the anguish in his distraught voice._

_This was her fate after all._

It felt like time had stopped. Seemingly in slow motion she watched the scene of herself sitting on the dock and James saying, _two weeks is all I'm asking _unfold before her. She is yet she isn't there. But so clear was his face that if she were just to reach and touch him ...

"Juliet!"

That insistent voice kept calling, John's voice, sounding distorted and faraway. She wanted to escape the pain and misery surrounding her but at the same time she wanted to hold onto the image of James. But the memories slowly began to recede and she had to let them go. It hurt too much.

"Juliet!"

John's worried voice seemed to drag her from that other place, the island, where she'd lived, was trapped, found love and then died. Somehow she managed to raise her tear streaked face and look at him.

"Why?" She shuddered in a deep breath.

"Why did you find me, why did you make me remember?"

Her voice sounded thick and low and enormously strained. Her heart beat so hard, it ached.

John regarded her seriously before answering and at least he had the audacity to look somewhat ashamed.

"I'm sorry," he replied at length, "I'm sorry if it hurts Juliet, I just assumed you remembered."

She hastily wiped the tears from her eyes.

John averted his gaze from her face and so he should feel guilty.

"I saw you with James and I thought, well I hoped you'd remembered the island."

She swallowed the lump in her throat. Damn him for coming back and damn him for making her remember. She didn't ever _want _to remember that place. Too much pain back there.

"I wanted to tell you that it worked," he continued.

Juliet felt the hysterical bitter laughter rise up in her throat. And suddenly she felt really angry. She managed to drag herself to her feet and she glared down at John Locke. Fuck the island and what exactly was it that had fucking worked!

"Why has nothing changed then?" she muttered through gritted teeth, the rage inside blinding her ability to think calm or rationally.

"Why am I still like this," she stammered as a range of emotions threatened to engulf her and holding onto her anger was the only way to fend them off.

"Look at me, look at my life, it's a damn fucking disaster!"

She dug her fingers into her scalp, pulling her hair away from her face.

"Why did I still marry the some ass and why did my sister have to suffer cancer again!"

She turned on him angrily, placing both hands on either side of the wheelchair. Her face only inches from his.

"So tell me John what has worked!" she hissed.

"You're alive," John calmly pointed out, "And so I am and as much as the memories hurt Juliet, it still worked."

The fire and rage left as suddenly as it had come and her shoulders sagged. She pushed herself away from his wheelchair, turning her back towards him, fighting tears that threatened, trying to swallow the enormity of her turbulent emotions.

"And James still finds himself drawn to you because of that other time, that place, where you met and fell in love with him."

James, she inwardly sighed. James who was so convinced that they had lived another life and he'd been right all along and yet he was still ignorant of it. He still hadn't remembered it. And probably just as well. Lucky him. Better that he never remember it because his pain was going to be so much worse than hers. She can still recall all too vividly the distress and anguish in his face and voice.

_Don't you let go, don't you leave me._ She drew a deep painful breath. So help her god but she could never would never tell him that it had happened.

Juliet slowly turned around and looked resentfully down at John. She spoke sadly, bitterly.

"I still wished you had never come here."

John averted his gaze from hers but she kept hers fixed firmly on his face.

"Promise me John," she spoke, calmly, evenly, "promise me that'll you'll never tell him, promise me that you'll never see James."

* * *

><p>The shadows grew longer. The room darkened. Juliet sat in the same corner of the room, recalling every single moment on that island. Not because she wanted to but because she couldn't stop it. The memories crowded her brain in the want to be remembered. So immersed was she in them that she didn't even hear the front door open. She didn't hear the footsteps on the floor and when James spoke her name she was unaware of where she actually was.<p>

"Juliet," James spoke again, his voice urgent, worried and she slowly looked up.

He stood there, like a dream and she blinked.

"Why is it so dark in here," he continued, flicking the light switch on causing her to squint against the sudden brightness.

"Why are you sitting on the floor?" he asked, his voice puzzled, "and you left shopping bags out by the front door and the door wasn't locked," he continued his voice breaking off there as he looked down at her, confusion crossing his face.

God he was such a sight for sore eyes and emotion made it difficult for her to speak.

"What happened?"

"N-Nothing," she managed to croak and forced herself to get to her feet.

Her legs felt unsteady and weak.

"Nothing," he mimicked, "doesn't look like nothing and you look pale, so tell me what is going on Juliet?"

She had to pull herself together. Regaining her composure, she took a deep breath.

"I was just feeling a bit off colour," she managed to speak, "must be the shopping, or maybe not enough sleep last night and well I'm not use to having sex all night long."

She forced a smile to her lips. Relief flickered in his eyes and he took the few steps that separated them towards her, his hands coming to rest on her shoulders.

Her eyes raked over his face with sweet familiarity.

_Look at you_ she felt like saying _you're so young. _Raising a hand she touched the smooth planes of his face, the nonexistent lines around his eyes that were yet to come.

"I missed you," he breathed and drew her mouth to his in a long lingering passionate kiss.

Juliet melted into his arms. You found me. How was this possible? Who cared. He was here, he was alive and so was she and this was real. Nothing else mattered. And she clung to him, as if her last goodbye as she lay in that hole dying was her last memory of him. Because it felt that way and damn the memories, damn John Locke. Pulling back to look into his face once again she marvelled at this new found discovery of him. Alive, they were alive. She traced the outline of his mouth with her fingers before threading her fingers through his short hair. He was James, the same but different too. How good he looked, so wonderfully good and the strong emotions of seeing him again threatened to engulf her. Pull it together girl, she silently chided.

"Are you sure you're alright Juliet?" he asked, confusion crossing his face.

"Of course."

"Then why are you crying?"

He sounded baffled and confused and worried as his finger caught the single tear that tracked down her cheek.

Was she? Oh hell. She bit down on her lip. For one long moment she couldn't breath, couldn't move, couldn't think. Say something. Say something before he begins to question you again.

"I-I don't know," she softly murmured.

She buried her face in his chest before he had a chance to see anymore of her tears. His arms went around her in a comforting soothing gesture, his hands catching in her hair.

"Just tell me Juliet, tell me what is wrong?" he pleaded.

She held him tighter. "It's okay James," she mumbled in his shirt. "It's going to be okay."

And it would be, now they had found each other again. She pulled back and gazed into his face and managed a reassuring smile that seemed to satisfy him.

"Good," he murmured, flickering a finger over her cheek. "You got anything to drink Blondie, something strong and alcoholic."

"Of course I always have something strong and alcoholic in this apartment," she lightly returned and well that was different.

She never used to drink so much.

He grinned and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. "That's what I love about you."

She stood there rooted to the spot. _Lighten up Blondie, you could do with a drink or two._ That other time, that other place.

"It was a shit of day," James grumbled turning away from her and dispensing of his leather jacket onto the sofa.

God he was so much slimmer, his face more angular than before. She followed him into the kitchen, moving in slow motion and watched him grab a can of beer from the fridge. He glanced at her.

"You want one?"

She nodded.

He handed her a can and she flipped the tab off, bringing it up to her lips and drinking the cold smooth amber down in one long gulp like she hadn't had a drink of anything in a long while. She looked up to find James watching her, the amusement evident in his eyes.

"Hell girl, you really needed that drink."

She wiped her mouth, feeling somewhat embarrassed.

"I was thirsty."

Terrific, she's an alcoholic in this time line.

"So why did you have such a shitty day?" she asked. If only he knew what her day had been like!

"The captain reamed me out big time," he muttered taking a swig from his can of beer, "I'm sure that prick has it in for me."

Juliet noted the scowl on his face, so now he actually did have some lines of his face.

"Fucking Radinsky," he continued and Juliet choked on her beer.

She coughed and spluttered and pushing past him to get to the sink she turned the tap on and reached for a glass of water.

"Ya know you're supposed to drink slowly Blondie," James quipped.

She spun around to look at him. "Radinsky?" she gasped. "How old is he?"

"Too old to still be working," James began and frowned, "you know him?"

"The name rings a bell," she returned and managed to get some composure back.

Radinsky was the Captain at the station James worked at, and Miles was his partner. Juliet fought down the nervous hysterical laughter that threatened to erupt. How ironic.

Oh god she was losing it and reached for her can of beer.

"He's demoting me from being a detective," James muttered bitterly raising his can of beer to his lips, "seems I'm gonna have to go back to being a sergeant and working the beat."

Juliet stared at him in disbelief for a moment. James was a cop. Why did he become a cop, why wasn't he the same conman like in his previous timeline? What had changed?

"Why didn't you tell him the truth, that you couldn't handle seeing that particular murder case because of what had happened to you," she softly asked.

He gave her an even but pained look. "Not something I can talk about."

She placed her can of beer on the bench and went over to him, curious as to why he was different this time around.

"Why did you become a police officer?" she asked, her eyes searching his.

He looked baffled for a moment, confused as to why she was asking him this.

"I don't know," he returned, "guess it sounded cool, putting bad guys behind bars, making sure they got their just desserts, seeing justice get done."

"But something must have happened, somebody must have convinced you to become a cop?" she persisted.

"I guess my Uncle," he admitted sighing and taking a swig of his beer before returning his gaze to hers. "I'd just spent six months in juvenile detention, I was 17 and my Uncle told me there were other ways of dealing with my anger rather than stealing cars and getting into fights."

Juliet was touched by his simple words. He was different in many ways. He had made better choices, unlike her. She'd still managed to make the same dumb choices by marrying Edmund.

And no way could she let James remember that other timeline and the person he was back then. How much he had despised himself. She briefly recalled him telling her about the dreams he had of conning women, killing a man and how much if had affected him and those were just him dreaming of it! Not even remembering it.

"And he was right," James continued. "After I got out of juvenile detention I went back to school and studied hard and thanks to some good references from lecturers I got accepted into the Police Academy despite my record."

Juliet looked at him in amazement, this was all so surreal and she felt an overwhelming tenderness towards him.

"I'm glad," she murmured. And reaching out a hand she caught a few strands of his hair in her fingers, lightly rubbing them.

"Make the most of it Blondie," he muttered dryly, "I'm probably going to have to get a damn haircut once I'm demoted."

"It's probably my fault," she said.

His curious gaze met hers.

"How's that?"

"I made you fall in love with me."

He smiled warmly and ran a thumb over her lips, making them tingle. "You're the best damn thing that has ever happened to me."

Wasn't the first time he had said it. And she shivered slightly despite the warmth spreading through her at his touch.

_James still finds himself drawn to you because of that other time, that place, where you met and fell in love with him._

"I love you," she said the words softly.

"I love you too," he replied warmly pulling her into his arms. "Ain't ever gonna let you go," he murmured in her hair. "Not ever again."

Juliet clutched at his shirt. He said these things as if subconsciously remembering and now she knew why. And it was imperative that he must never remember in full, that place, the island and what had happened there, her death.

She felt his arms stiffen. And she raised her face to his confused.

"What is that envelope on the bench?" he asked, pulling out of her embrace and crossing the floor to the bench, picking it up in his hand.

Juliet had completely forgotten all about it, what with everything that had gone down today.

"Um Edmund called by," she stammered.

That's right, her lousy ex. Still alive, still around to make her life a misery, to remind her of exactly where she currently was, in time.

James spun around, his eyes fastening on her face.

"Is that why you're so upset?" he said abruptly, raking a hand through his hair. "What did he do to you Juliet?"

"Nothing," she blurted out.

She could see his jaw clench.

"Nothing," he exclaimed, "and that's why you were sitting on the floor, curtains drawn, shopping bags left out by the front door, crying and upset because it was nothing!"

Oh hell. And that was the other thing. Least on the island they didn't have her ex-husband to contend with. He was dead and buried and she was totally free of him. It took Juliet a moment to adjust to this startling thought.

Edmund was very much alive now. Edmund still owned her. She was tied to him and the whole reason James was now back in her life was because she'd gone to the cops! To him, to get something done about her bastard of an ex trying to sell HER fertility breath through.

She was a mess. Her life was a mess. She was so strong on the island, so sure of herself but here, now, she no longer even knew who or what she was.

Juliet wrapped her arms in front of her, not wanting James to see her vulnerability. The woman he had initially fallen in love with on that island was so different to her and to this woman now. Yet he still loved her. Pity she had such low thoughts of herself though, funny and sad how right now both her timelines, the then, the now, blurred into each other.

"Nothing happened," she stressed.

He doesn't believe her. She can tell by the way his jaw clenches, the way his rock steady gaze doesn't waver from hers.

"Then why are so sad?" he softly asked, genuinely confused.

She longed to reassure him, wipe away the doubt and worry in his eyes.

Wordlessly she took the envelope from his hand.

"I'm going to sign it," she spoke, "we are going to fix him up for once and all," she continued, tentatively stroking his hair and then drawing him into her embrace.

"And then it will be over James," she murmured in his ear.

He pulled her tightly towards him. Buried his face in her long mane of hair and a memory so strong assailed him, making his gut hurt and he doesn't understand it. Only that it hurts seeing her hurting, looking so sad and forlorn. And there is something she's not telling him. He can sense it. One way or another he was going to get the truth out of her. But right now all that mattered was that she was safe. She was okay. And damn it but he was going to make sure she would always be okay.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I will try harder to not make you all wait so long for the next chapter and hopefully my writing mojo will return like it used to be! One can only hope. I also hope I still have some readers out there. It's been so long! Review if you can as they always do help in as much as making me want to persist with a story even when the writing flow just isn't happening! Even when my life is so crazily busy! **

**Not sure if this chapter turned out quite like I intended? I was so indecisive about who should remember and if they should even remember at all so any feedback on this matter would be greatly appreciated.**

**Many thanks to all my loyal followers of this story and for sticking by me even with my updates being so slow and painful.**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Well one month is better than two when it comes to an update! Sorry it has taken that long but now my work load is easing up and I'm starting to get some time to myself to do the things I love to do like writing. **

**This chapter is long. I had considered splitting it into two chapters but then that kind of makes the chapter seem disjointed somehow and as Eyeon LOVES long chapters I left it as it is.**

**Enjoy.**

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><p><strong>CHAPTER 12. <strong>

Juliet seemed caught between two worlds, the old with the new but with little variation. She had been living in the here and now and suddenly she was also living in that other place, the island and the memories kept overlapping. It was confusing, sort of unsettling and damn mind boggling.

She felt edgy, restless and confused. Did hitting the bomb create this alternative timeline? Did it make them live their lives over again and why, because the same things had happened but some things had also changed? She still married Edmund. James still lost his parents in the same way. Rachel still got cancer but James became a cop instead of a con man and she was still stuck with Edmund. She wanted to swear out loud. And now there was no island to lure her away to it and yet if she hadn't still been stuck with Edmund then she never would have met James.

She had called the cops and there was James, ironic. If James hadn't decided to become a cop then she would never have met him either and maybe they really were meant to be together. As if fate had its own strange distorted way of throwing two people back together because when she really began to analyse it, Miles was his partner.

How had that happened?

James clicked his fingers in front of her face.

"You're away with the fairies tonight girl," he spoke.

She hadn't been aware that he was even there. She was still leaning against the bench, arms folded, lost in her thoughts.

She gazed into his face saw the slight concern there and she's knows he didn't believe her when she'd told him earlier on that she was okay. He had the uncanny knack of being able to see straight through her.

Not that it had always been that way but now he could, naturally, because he had had three years to get to know her in that other time even if he couldn't remember it.

She still couldn't believe it was him, standing there in front of her as if he'd just walked out of a dream. Raising a hand she touched his face.

Was this real? Was he real? Her eyes wandered over his face, from those beautiful sensual lips, to his nose, the dimples, his clean shaven cheeks and chin to his hair before her eyes met with his.

He really did look a lot younger, though in reality it would only be six years wouldn't it?

"You sure you're alright?" he asked, yet again.

_No, I've possibly lost my mind._

Suddenly she had the wild desire to look at her own self in the mirror.

"I'm fine," she lied and went to leave.

"Where are you going?" James called after her and she heard the puzzlement in his voice.

"Um the toilet," she hurriedly replied.

She went into the bathroom, stepping in front of the mirror. Not knowing what to expect Juliet was startled for a moment by the reflected image staring back at her.

Younger most definitely, hair so much longer and her hands rested on her hips. She frowned. Curvy, since when was she this curvy, dammit. What had she been thinking by letting herself gain this much weight. Her hips were definitely broader and she gazed down at her breast.

"You want pizza for dinner Blondie?" James asked.

She spun around startled, her eyes widening. How long had he been standing there watching her, obviously a while given the hint of amusement in his eyes. And no she did not want pizza. What she wanted was the figure she once had on the island back. Eating pizza had led to her being thus this chubby. But he loved the that fact that she ate pizza and drank beer with him and he didn't care that she was curvy. He loved her anyway in any shape or form. And she stared at him with renewed wonderment.

How was it possible that she loved him more now than she ever had done? She loved this man, this wonderful, warm and fiercely protective man who loved her no matter what.

"Forget pizza," she murmured, her voice husky "I can think of better things to do."

She noted the momentarily dumb founded look on his face and hid a smile. Not giving him the chance to say anything her hands fluttered to the buttons of his shirt and she slowly, deliberately began to undo them. Her eyes met with his and she can see the desire in his eyes. God those eyes, still as beautiful as ever. She moved in closer, kissing the hollow of his throat, lingering on the throbbing of his pulse. Her fierce sudden need for him over riding all of her senses, she couldn't think or breathe with the onslaught of her desire for him, to touch him, feel him inside of her. Wipe away all of the painful sad memories with the miracle of the here and now and who cared how they had ended up together again all that mattered is that they had. She traced the outline of his mouth with her fingers. Then she replaced her fingers with her lips, threading her fingers through his hair she deepened the kiss, slipping her tongue intimately into his mouth.

She heard the moan deep in his chest and he pulled her towards him with a fierce desire that matched her own.

She worked at tugging his shirt over his head. Backing up toward the bed, she frantically undid his belt buckle while his hands undid the buttons of her blouse, then sliding to caress her breasts. She didn't waste time, impatiently tugging his jeans down as he dispensed of her blouse. He pulled her closer towards him, her gaze met with his and time stood still for just a moment.

Raising his hands to the sides of her face as if to frame it he looked at her like he hadn't ever expected to see her again. It puzzled her but she didn't have long to ponder it as he lowered his mouth to hers.

They kissed with unchecked passion for a few seconds, writhing against each other before falling back on the bed, legs and arm entangled in their sudden haste and need to touch each other. He took control, pressing her back against the bed and kneeling over her. She felt his hair tickle her stomach as he lavished more attention up and down her body. It had been far too long and yet not but right now it felt like it had been many years, decades since she last had this with him. She felt the need to make up for lost time, overpower her. The kisses she scattered over his face were feverish and moist. Her hands ached to touch every part of him.

"Hell girl what are you doing to me," he got out in a hoarse husky voice.

The aching, yearning need went deeper than anything physical could have. She loved him, and loving him, she needed him more than she needed to breathe.

Suddenly her arms were caught above her head, held easily in one of his large hands. Startled she opened her eyes and looked at him.

"You make me crazy," he told her. There was an astonishing warmth in his grey blue eyes, in the faint smile that tugged the corners of his mouth upward.

"Good," she said breathlessly.

He trailed a fingertip up the valley between her breasts and smiled as she undulated helplessly in response. Damn but he knew the effect he had over her. Why was he slowing things down?

"I want to savour the moment Juliet," he breathed "I want to take my time with you."

She thought she would never breathe again. With the hand still holding her arms in place, his other free hand circled teasingly with deliberation around her breasts. His eyes were fastened to her face and she knew he was taking enjoyment from watching the way she responded. She shivered, and a small moan escaped her, causing James to smile. It was a gentle smile, an expression so tender that it pierced her desire and made her throat ache.

"Touch me," she whispered hoarsely. She made him crazy well he was now making her crazy.

And then he released her hands, his hands burying themselves in her hair as his mouth covered hers and his tongue stroked roughly against hers.

Juliet felt as if she were drowning, drowning in his heat, his scent, his touch. Compelled by need, she began to explore him with her hands. The world spun dizzily. His sharp, gasping intake of breath was made against the smoothness of her neck. Pulling back he locked gazes with her. She never felt closer to him than she did at these moments, just before climax, the sweet intimacy of the moment.

"I'll always love you," he breathed in her hair.

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><p>Afterwards they lay back on the bed, gasping from the intensity of love making, staring up at the ceiling, feeling wonderfully alive.<p>

"Huh I never knew it could be that good," James spoke at length.

Spoken from a man that had been with plenty of enough women and funny how he'd said the same thing to her in Dharma times, Juliet mused.

_Making love was just an act _he'd told her then _I enjoyed it but my heart was seldom in it, it was just a process of going through the motions._

Juliet could relate to that.

_Except with Kate? _She couldn't help asking then.

_Well that was amazing but then I thought I was gonna end up a dead man and you want ya last moment on earth to be memorable if ya know what I mean. _

A dead man and he very nearly was until Jack saved the day and then she shot Pickett. She shot Pickett because it meant her freedom not ever imagining that she was in fact saving the life of the man she'd one day fall in love with. How ironic.

"Me neither," she murmured dreamily.

He was playing with her hair, picking up a strand and twirling it around his finger. The amount of times in Dharmaville they had spent in bed on lazy mornings when neither one of them had to go to work enjoying just being together, taking simple pleasures of touching and discovery one another or just simply lying there, saying nothing much but having that sated sense of belonging and contentment.

That hadn't changed.

He let go of her hair and propping himself on one elbow, he studied her for a long silent moment causing goose bumps to pop up on her skin.

"There's something different about you," he murmured at length, her heart thumped loudly in her chest.

He trailed a finger along her cheek bone, his eyes searching her face, questioning.

"You're confident now, when this morning you were kind of shy and self conscious."

She could feel colour flood her cheeks, that's because this morning she had been a different person, without the memories. She fought the sudden urge to tell him.

_It's me James; remember me, Juliet, you, us together before._

She snuggled into him, burying her face in his chest.

"Not that I'm complaining mind you, far from it because you were so amazing, so passionate and I can't even begin to find the words to explain it."

"Then don't," she mumbled.

He always did think too much. She used to chide him about it but was often pleasantly surprised by his innate curiosity of life, his keen willingness to discuss issues on an open level in his direct, sometimes too blunt, way. It was at odds with the rough and belligerent _I don't give a shit _attitude he led everyone else around him to believe.

She became curious about him. Because everything she'd read about him in that file was at odds with the man she was now beginning to get to know. And for a moment Juliet let her mind drift back to those days in Dharma because the memories were so sweet and pleasant and she wanted to recall them now that she remembered them.

_They had two things in common back then; reading and a penchant for playing cards._

"_I didn't take you for a reader," she said to him over one of their nightly card games of two handed patience._

"_What that wasn't in my file?" he quipped with a smile._

_He really did have a gorgeous smile and she really didn't want to start noticing it, too late for that now she inwardly sighed._

"_Not that I can recall."_

"_I thought everything was in that file," he continued, glancing at her over the top of his cards._

_She knew the file bugged him. And that she knew everything about him._

"_It's just words on paper James, doesn't tell me about the real you," she replied and looked at his face, noting the mixed emotions there. "And right now what I read about you in that file doesn't quite match up to this person sitting here with me."_

_He lowered his eyes._

"_And what is this person sitting here with you like?" he enquired giving a tentative smile._

"_Different," she admitted and looked at him curiously._

_He just snorted. "Don't let the nerdy reading glasses fool ya sweetheart I still am what I am underneath it all."_

"_And what's that James?"_

_He blinked. "Huh?"_

_She hid a smile. "What are you really like underneath it all?"_

_He opened his mouth as if about to say something and then closed it and then he frowned looking perplexed. "I'm not sure," he murmured, he looked at her, "you read my file," he continued with a wave of his hand. "All the bad stuff in there no doubt."_

"_There were a lot of bad things in there," she said, "and sad things too."_

"_Well there you go," he returned his voice sounding gruff._

"_But it still doesn't really tell me about you, the real you."_

_He shook his head and briefly shut his eyes. "Hell Blondie I've spent so much of my life pretending to be something that I don't even know the real me."_

_And for a moment that made Juliet feel sad and strangely she could relate to it too. She had spent her whole life playing the role of the smart clever woman, buried in her books and research, denying her femineity, denying her real self and deluding herself that Edmund had loved her. Everyone expected something from her and she acted in a way that they wanted her to act and be. But she had never been herself and maybe she simply didn't know how to be._

"_What'cha thinking girl?" James enquired._

"_I don't think I know the real me either," she quietly replied._

_She looked up to find James silently studying her._

"_Well what do ya know we have something in common," he spoke._

_His warm gaze made her toes wriggle and well she kind of really liked this person. So different to the arrogant cocky man he'd been when locked up in those cages._

_And would the real James please stand up? Who was he? He was so many different things she'd never even realised he would or could be. He had an acute intelligence that you'd never be able to pick up when he was aka Sawyer. He played the role of the dumb southern red neck well but that wasn't really him. He had pranced around like he was god's gift to women before and pissing everyone else off and now he was suddenly kind of modest at times and well respected within the Dharma community. Had everything just been an act with him? Was he underneath it all this kind of bookish, smart and clever man she was now beginning to see? He had an easy openness about him that she hadn't seen before. He could be warm, friendly and open to conjecture. He wasn't really as short tempered as he made himself out to be. And she liked his company. She often had to hold herself back from telling him things that she never told other people. _

Juliet felt James stir alongside her, bringing her back to reality.

"I don't know about you but I'm starving," he said, sitting up, brushing his hair out of his eyes and turning his head to gaze down at her.

"C'mon lets go get something to eat sugar pops," he continued swinging his legs over the side of the bed and standing up giving her a nice a view of his naked torso.

"Let's have a shower first."

He grinned in that irresistible way of his. "God now I'm beginning to think I must be dreaming."

She grinned back. "Some dream then."

He let out a low sexy laugh and held out his hand to her. She took it and he pulled her to her feet, his warmth radiating from him and Juliet hadn't felt this happy in so long.

The sudden blaring of her mobile phone brought her back down to earth with a jolt.

"Just leave it," James hissed nibbling her neck.

"It could be important," she murmured and turning away she reached for her phone sitting on her bedside table.

It was from Rachel, a hysterical, emotional Rachel.

"I have to see you Juliet," she sobbed making Juliet's heart jump into her throat.

What was wrong now?

"I'm bleeding down there, I-I think something is wrong."

Rachel was four months pregnant, it couldn't be a miscarriage could it? Either way it wasn't good.

"I'll be right there."

Her shoulders slumped and she closed her eyes. In the other life Rachel had a healthy baby so it would be fine wouldn't it? But as Juliet was beginning to find out though not everything was exactly the same in this timeline.

"You alright Juliet?" she heard James ask and felt his hands rest on her shoulders.

She turned to look at him, not wanting him to worry even though she was worried to death herself.

"It's Rachel, she's not well," she murmured, rubbing her forehead with her hand, "I have to see her."

He nodded.

"Okay, I'll just order pizza by delivery and wait here for ya unless you want me to come with you?"

She shook her head. "I don't know how Rachel would take that."

"Okay girl," he said softly and kissed her forehead in a soothing tender way.

"We'll save the shower scene for later," he suddenly grinned, a grin that didn't quite reach his eyes but Juliet was too worried about Rachel to give it much thought.

She hastily threw on some clothes, tied her hair back in a sloppy ponytail and gave James a quick kiss before dashing out of the door.

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><p>Her mind was elsewhere when driving to Rachel's apartment, worried out of her mind. Rachel would be alright wouldn't she because Juliet didn't think she could handle losing her again? Not that she had lost her technically speaking but rather she'd been apart from for her for so many years that she'd despair of ever seeing her again when trapped on that island.<p>

James knew of her pain, well he at least became aware of it because after a time James began to know her all too well.

_Rachel's birthday came around. Juliet hated that day. It always put her in a melancholy frame of mind. On this day she wanted to be alone. She couldn't even bring herself to play cards with James and told him she was meeting up with a couple of the girls for a girly night._

"_I didn't know you were into girly nights Blondie," he said raising an eyebrow._

_She grinned at him. "I'm not but I thought I should make an effort."_

_It's just that it made for a handy distraction but her heart hadn't really been in it and after several glasses of champagne she made her excuses and left. She walked down to the dock and sat there for several hours thinking about everything she had lost. Her freedom, her sister, her best friend and how it still hurt, even all these years later._

_She returned to the house just after midnight and sure enough everyone was in bed asleep. She listened for James' snoring. He did snore a lot especially when he'd been drinking. She couldn't hear him snoring and figured maybe he hadn't had much to drink tonight, for a change. _

_Sighing Juliet made her way into the kitchen. There was no way she could sleep and then the tears came, thick, fast and furious. It wasn't fair! Ben Linus had deceived her, lied to her and now she might never see Rachel again and she was stuck on this god forsaken rock, stuck in time and she could never see herself getting off this island. It was her fate, her curse._

_She was so immerged in her grief that she didn't even hear anyone approach._

"_Juliet."_

_She looked up startled and straight into James' familiar face. She saw the concern in his eyes._

"_You alright?"_

_She hastily wiped the tears away. Trust him to come walking in at her moment of weakness. _

"_Something happen to ya?" he continued and she could hear the worry in his voice and then she did the most unexpected thing and threw herself into his arms._

_He seemed initially startled but then his arms went around her in a comforting gesture. And she buried her tear soaked face into his t-shirt._

"_Tell me you're alright Juliet," he said after a moment._

"_I'm alright James," she mumbled in his shirt._

_This really wasn't like her at all but well James wasn't really like any other man she knew. He understood what it was to lose everything that ever mattered to you. He was now stroking her hair and it felt so comforting and nice. She could just stay in his arms forever and that thought suddenly rattled her._

"_Hey girl I ain't ever seen you cry," he spoke._

_She finally raised her face to look at him. "It's just that one day," she stuttered and swallowed the lump in her throat. "It's my sister's birthday a-and I haven't seen her in four years James and sometimes I don't think I'll ever see her again."_

_She saw the compassion in his eyes. He really did have such beautiful eyes she vaguely noticed especially since he wasn't wearing his reading glasses for a change._

"_You ever have those days?"_

"_Yeah," he sighed heavily, "yeah I have that day Juliet."_

_Of course he did. He was a man who witnessed his own father shooting his mother and then himself. What must that do to a child? It's a wonder he turned out half as well as he did._

"_July the 8__th__," he continued, wrapping a stand of her hair around his finger._

"_Every July the 8__th__ I go a little crazy."_

"_That the day your father shot your mother?"_

_She saw the pained shadows in his eyes._

"_Yeah, that's the day."_

_Silence followed and Juliet felt sort of silly for her emotional outburst when his own experiences were so much worse than hers. She wiped the tears away._

"_God I feel so stupid," she murmured._

"_Don't," he returned, "you don't ever have to feel stupid."_

_Her gaze met with his and who was he? Who was this warm person and really he was so beautiful and she'd never even seen it before now._

"_I need a drink," she managed to get out in a hoarse voice._

_James poured them both a stiff glass of scotch and they sat on the front step of the porch to the house. The alcohol relaxed her and by the time they had finished their second glass perhaps loosened her tongue too._

"_I was married," she blurted out._

_He looked surprised. _

"_It ended up in divorce," she continued and quickly took a sip of the scotch._

"_How?" he asked._

"_He was having an affair," she admitted and gazed down into her glass, "he had a lot of affairs."_

_She tried to hide the bitterness from her voice but with little effect. And she could feel James watching her. _

"_I knew all about it but I still stayed married," she continued, clutching the glass tightly, "I thought maybe he might yet still learn to love me, well at least I hoped."_

_James was strangely quiet._

"_But then one day I just knew he wasn't ever going to change and so I filed for divorce."_

_She gave a humourless laugh. "It only took me five years."_

_She took another gulp of the scotch and chanced a look at him. She didn't see any recriminations in his eyes and if anything a strange sort of compassion._

"_How stupid was I?" she half laughed and choked, "stupid little naive Juliet believing that I meant something to him but all he wanted was my medical research abilities because James if there was one thing I was good at and that was finding breakthrough cures for infertility."_

_She took a deep breath and looked away from his enquiring gaze. _

"_I cured my sister," she continued, staring out across the perfect manicured green lawn, "the chemotherapy she had for her cancer had left her barren and I created life where there shouldn't have been."_

_She took another swig of her drink. "She was pregnant when I left to come here, I was only supposed to be here for six months and be back in time for when she had the baby."_

_She shook her head and gave another bitter laugh. "I guess he'd be four years old now, my nephew."_

_She felt James hand rest on her shoulder. "You don't have to beat yourself up Blondie for making a few bad decisions," he murmured, "hell girl I'm the king of bad decision making."_

_She turned and looked at him and managed a smile._

"_I got a daughter I ain't ever seen," he continued._

_Of course she knew about that. It was in his file and he knew she knew. _

"_When Cassidy came and visited me in prison and showed me a photo of her I denied she was even mine," he admitted, "I told her to go away, I was an ass Juliet."_

"_You were angry and confused," she softly said._

_His eyes met with hers. "No I was a bastard plain and simple." He raked a hand through his hair. "Of course I wished I had made the effort now," he continued, "guess I never will get to."_

_She slipped her hand in his and squeezed his fingers._

"_You might yet. We could still get off this island and back to the future."_

"_I think I'm too gutless Juliet, I think that little girl would be better off never having known me."_

_She shook her head. "No, I don't think so."_

_He glanced at her, his face half hidden in shadows. "I don't like me, I ain't ever liked me."_

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><p>James rubbed the steam away from the mirror with his towel before wrapping the same towel around his waist. He felt strange, odd, surreal, like he was here but wasn't and he couldn't wrap his head around it. Sex with Juliet had been something else even <em>better than before.<em> She kissed him with such a fierce intensity, like she hadn't seen him in a long time and it had puzzled him and he wanted to ask her about it but didn't know how. Funny thing was that he'd felt the same intensity, the same sense of _it had been so very, very long ago._

When she told she had to go see Rachel and seeing the worry and shadows in her eyes he had a sudden flash of her crying in a kitchen he couldn't place, burying her face in chest as he stroked her hair and then the memory was gone as quick as it came but it still rattled him.

He knew they had lived before, but he just couldn't recall it except for the brief snatches of memory and dreams and it frustrated him. Because he wanted to remember _everything_ so why couldn't he?

He scowled at his reflection in the mirror. Was it because he was this other despicable person who did despicable things in that time? Maybe his own self consciousness was trying to protect him? But if it was why did he have the dream of killing Frank Duckatt? He was already painfully away of the man he possibly could have been in that other time so it's not as if it were gonna be anything that shocking that he wouldn't be able to remember it _right_?

And something wasn't right about Juliet either. When he'd come home to find her sitting in the corner of the lounge room his heart had leapt into his throat.

What had happened to her now?

_I'm fine _she had said _really because she didn't look fine._ And then she had looked at him in the most strangest way, almost as if she hadn't seen him in a long time and it had made the hairs stand up on the back of his neck. He'd watched mesmerised the tear that trickled down her cheek and it perplexed him. Why was she crying? Why wasn't she telling him the truth? Why was she so damn sad and then tonight she was suddenly so alive, confident in making love with him when she'd been so shy this previous morning. What had changed?

A sudden thought crossed his mind, if the shopping bags were left by the front door then who visited her before she went into the house. Hastily he pulled on his t-shirt, jeans and shoved his glasses on his face. He fossicked through her linen cupboard for a torch and finally finding one he went to the front door.

He switched the outside light on, made sure that the torch was bright enough and went outside. He shone the torch on the inside lock of the door to look for any forced entry but there was nothing there. He shone the torch on the ground and noticed what looked to be wheel tracks. Crouching down to get a better look he shone the torch on the faint thin two lines.

It had to be a wheelchair that left those marks. James followed the wheel chair marks to the lift and then back to her apartment. Someone had visited her, someone that had said something to her to make her all upset and it wasn't Edmund.

He straightened up, leant against the wall and stared down the long quiet corridor to the lift. He felt a tightness in his stomach.

Who did Juliet know that was wheelchair bound?

He ran stiff fingers through his hair.

And just what had they said to her?

And what the hell wasn't she telling him?

* * *

><p>Rachel had managed to calm down on Juliet's advice. She was lying back on her bed, face red and blotchy from crying. Juliet lightly palpated her tummy.<p>

"Any pain?" she asked.

Rachel shook her head. "No."

"That's good."

"What if I lose the baby." Her voice shook causing Juliet's heart to ache.

She glanced at Rachel's worried taunt face.

"Around 30% of women experience bleeding during pregnancy and at least half of them continue to have a healthy baby."

"Half," Rachel choked back a sob.

Rachel was 18 weeks pregnant still possible to have a miscarriage though rare but Juliet wasn't about to tell her that. No need to worry her even further.

"I think we should go to the hospital and get you an ultrasound scan to make sure everything is okay," Juliet continued calmly, pulling Rachel's top down.

"What do you think it is Juliet?" Rachel asked in a small voice.

"More than likely placenta praevia," Juliet replied, well at least she hoped "when the placenta is too low down on the uterus wall and partially covers the cervical canal then it can cause you to bleed during pregnancy."

Rachel frowned. "Is it serious?"

Juliet shook her head. "Might mean you have to take it easy, lots of bed rest, frequent ultrasounds to monitor it and possibly you'll have to have a caesarean."

She could see Rachel visibly relax and taking hold of her hand she lightly squeezed her cold fingers and Rachel managed a shaky smile.

"I couldn't bear it if I lost the baby."

"You want lose the baby," Juliet reassured, leaning over and brushing a strand of mattered hair from Rachel's face.

"So you have any names picked yet?"

Rachel smiled. "If it's a boy I'm going to call him Julian."

Juliet froze momentarily before quickly regaining her composure and forcing a smile to her lips.

"After you, my special clever sister," Rachel continued with a warm smile.

* * *

><p>It was already ten o'clock at night when Juliet arrived at the hospital with Rachel and then they had to sit in the waiting room. She should ring James and let him know what was happening.<p>

Juliet went outside and rang him. It seemed to take forever for him to answer his phone.

"Hello," he spoke at last, sounding tired.

"It's me Juliet."

"Everything okay?"

"I think so, Rachel was having some bleeding and I've brought her to the hospital to have an ultrasound."

"Is that bad?"

"I think she'll be okay, probably Placenta Praevia."

"Placenta what?"

She smiled and shook her head.

"Never mind I'll explain it to you later, what have you been doing?"

"Watching television and drinking, it's boring as hell without you here, when are you gonna get back?"

"Hopefully within the hour but more than likely two."

There was silence at the other end and she frowned slightly.

"James?"

"Yeah."

"You'll be there when I get back won't you, you can sleep the night."

"Yeah I'll stay, there's something I want to talk to you about."

Why did that sound so ominous? And he sounded funny, distant or a little bit pissed.

"See you soon."

* * *

><p>James placed the phone back into his pocket and looked at the boxes he'd pulled out from her linen cupboard.<p>

_What have you been doing? _Going through every draw, every cupboard looking for something but he didn't know what, knowing she'd probably resent his for poking into her things.

Not that he'd found anything much. It's almost like she'd never existed before now and it left an unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach. Why no memorabilia, apart from a couple of photos, mostly of her and Rachel.

Rachel's apartment had been filled with photos, a life having been lived.

Juliet's was empty, sterile. She was worst than him. Even he had more photos than her, letters his Aunt had written him during his police academy training days. His first bank account cheque book, some stupid journal he'd kept and written in during his stint in juvenile detention, test papers and stuff like that. Hell he still even had that damn photo Miles took of him when he'd shaved off one of his eyebrows one night he'd gotten really pissed during police academy days. James hadn't been impressed the next day, could have killed Miles actually but he still kept the damn photo.

Shoving the boxes, mostly filled with research notes, back into the cupboard James went into the kitchen to grab another beer.

Why was she lying to him? What was she hiding? He didn't understand and it left him feeling disgruntled and unsettled. He ran a hand through his hair tugging on the short ends. God he was tired, so bone aching weary all of a sudden. He couldn't explain the sudden heaviness in his heart, rubbed at his chest as if he could relieve the painful ache there.

He sculled the rest of the contents of his beer. He must have drunk a good eight stubbies of beer in just under three hours and it was beginning to go to his head.

Maybe if he went to sleep he'd dream and remember what he needed to remember.

* * *

><p>It was past midnight before Juliet arrived back at her apartment. James had left the outside light on and she quietly went inside in case he was asleep, hoping he would still be up, waiting for her. But the house was quiet and she went to her bedroom finding him fast asleep on her bed. Not that she blamed him. They hadn't slept much last night as it were and the events over the last 24 hours had left her feeling utterly exhausted. It had been an emotional upheaval on many different levels.<p>

She was shattered and slowly changed out of her clothes and into her pj's. She climbed into bed next to James, snuggled into him and put one protective arm across his bare chest.

He was here, he was safe with her. And she recalled that day in that other life when he'd finally admitted his feelings towards her.

_She could hardly believe her eyes. James was building sand castles with the kids? Was this something else she didn't know about him? She knew he was disgruntled because he'd torn his Achilles tendon and couldn't do anything and he hadn't wanted to go to the beach picnic but she'd nagged him about going, because he needed to see the sun and stop feeling sorry for himself and have some fun. And he'd begrudgingly agreed to go and then sat on the beach looking pissed off, till Horace gave him a beer and chewed his ear off for the next hour._

_Juliet had tried to avoid Paul but he eventually caught hold of her and spent at least half hour flirting with her and she'd tried to come up with a hundred different ways she could get rid of him but the guy just didn't take a hint._

_Finally she managed to ditch him and went in search of James, who'd actually moved from his spot on the sand and she had been suddenly concerned he might have gone back to the house when she saw him with the kids. Least he was now doing something constructive she mused._

_Miles sauntered by, stopping to stand next to her, his gaze following hers before returning to her face._

"_A strange sight to behold," he remarked "Jim building sand castles."_

"_It is."_

"_I guess he got jealous of you talking with Paul and so he stormed off to play with the kiddies."_

_Juliet frowned at him. "James, jealous?" she scoffed._

_Miles sighed and shook his head._

"_Do I have to spell it out," he said, "in case you haven't noticed he likes you, a lot, a real lot for that matter."_

"_No," she spluttered._

"_Why doesn't he show an interest in other women?"_

"_I guess he's still mooning over Kate," she returned, hesitatingly, that had to be it._

_Miles snorted. "He's definitely over Kate."_

_Juliet frowned, confused. "But he would have said something by now."_

_Miles rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Are you sure about that? We're talking about Jim here."_

_Juliet remembered the compliment he made about her legs this morning and Miles had a point, James avoided relationships like the bubonic plague. And sometimes she did catch him looking at her in a way that often puzzled her. Okay so maybe he did find her attractive but that still didn't mean he actually wanted her and she wasn't sure she wanted him either. Liar, the voice hissed in her head. The only reason she turned down dates by men who asked her out was because at the end of the day it was James she wanted to be with._

"_Wouldn't he be trying to impress me then?" she spoke._

_Miles laughed. "Not when he's running scared and that's him."_

_Juliet frowned and she really didn't want to discuss this nonsense any further with Miles. She wasn't going to be entertaining any thoughts about James wanting her and getting her hopes up._

_Juliet gazed back over in James direction and smiled at the sight of him doing something so simple and childish. _

_Then she suddenly realised Miles was still there and she glanced into his face. _

_He grinned. "Seems like you have a thing for him too?"_

"_Shut up Miles."_

_She walked away towards James, feeling Miles eyes following her and spying shells lying in the sand she bent down and picked them up and continued in his direction. Damn Miles for filling her head with thoughts she didn't want to entertain._

_James looked up when her shadow fell across the sand castle and his eyes travelled up her long slender legs to her face._

"_Since when did you build sand castles?" she spoke with a hint of a smile._

"_What they left that bit out in my file," he quipped._

_She grinned and knelt down beside him. "I didn't take you for the building sand castle type of person," he continued._

_He smiled warmly. "Yeah well you still don't everything about me."_

"_Hmm but I am learning more about you every day."_

_She placed the shells on to the sand castle._

"_Now isn't that like a girl to pretty it up," he remarked, his eyes falling on her hair._

"_What's with the head band Blondie," he continued and before she had a chance to respond he reached out a hand and pulled it off. _

_Her hair fell down around her face in long untidy curls and next thing she knew his fingers brushed through her hair, and slipped around to the nape on her neck as he gently pulled her closer towards him. Her eyes widened slightly in surprise and her heart rate quickened as his eyes fell to her lips. _

"_Pretty," he murmured, his voice sounding husky, "you're really pretty Juliet."_

_His thumb brushed over her lips and she could feel the rise of colour in her cheeks. Why was he suddenly touching her? Did he want her as much as she wanted him? His eyes met with_ hers and she _saw the desire, the need there and he was going to kiss her. And she was going to let because she just couldn't fight it anymore. _

_Juliet heard the camera click and Miles voice "nothing like a photo to capture the truth."_

_James pulled back suddenly as did Juliet and he glared up at Miles. _

_Miles just grinned._

"_This will look good on the rec room pin up board."_

_He glanced back at them. "Well I leave you two to continue with your kissing." He gave a wave and sauntered off._

"_I'm going to kill him," James muttered with a shake of his head._

_Juliet's heart was still pounding in her chest. James was going to kiss her. James said she was pretty and she had seen the desire in his eyes and then Miles happened along and damn._

"_Not if I get to him first," she added and glanced at him._

_James gave a brief laugh. Her eyes searched his and then an awkward silence followed. Neither one knowing what to say or do now. She could see the conflicting emotions in his beautiful eyes. Did she make the next more? Or did she let him?_

"_Damn it Juliet," he muttered at length, raking a hand through his tousled hair, "but to be honest, which ain't easy for me, I can't stop thinking about ya."_

_Juliet's breath caught in her throat, even more so at the sudden warmth in his eyes as he studied her affectionately._

"_I've been fighting this damn attraction towards you for months and it's getting harder and harder."_

_What? Months? Really?_

"_Why fight it," she murmured and was suddenly mortified by her words. Did she really just say that?_

_His eyes widened in surprise and he appeared lost for words before regaining his composure._

"_Hell Juliet, why would you want me? You know every little last thing about me, what a low life I was, what I'd done which is far from anything honourable why would you want anyone like me?"_

_She was getting sick of him thinking so little of himself and was that why he'd spent months fighting his attraction because he didn't think he was good enough for her?_

"_I ain't nothing sweetheart ..."_

_She pressed her finger against his lips to silence him. "Shut up James," she whispered fiercely and capturing his face with her hands she pressed her lips to his._

_His lips parted under the pressure of hers and he pulled her closer. The kiss was intense, erotic and sensually sweet and god could he kiss. Her hands ploughed through his hair as she deepened the kiss and she could hear the moan deep in his chest. It had been a long time since she felt so much_ _satisfaction and thrill from kissing a man. Then she suddenly remembered they were sitting on a beach in front of everyone and kissing and she reluctantly pulled back. _

_Her eyes meet with his and time hung suspended, momentarily and in his open gaze she saw her own thoughts reflected there._

_He didn't say anything. Not a word. Instead he reached out a hand and burrowed his fingers into her hair, finding her scalp with his fingertips and the touch of his fingers on her scalp sending wild shivers trickling through her. How was it that his touch could do that to her?_

"_Hell Blondie does that mean you feel attracted to me too," he murmured, a wry grin crossing his face._

_She could slap him but the warmth and passion in his eyes only made her toes curl._

"_You know this is probably going to be making the gossip mill," she returned, her voice sounding husky._

"_I can just imagine it now, pretty girl gets on with the gruff grumpy security guard."_

_She noticed the amusement in his eyes as he brushed a thumb over her lips._

"_You know I ain't got the first idea about getting into a relationship," he continued._

"_And my track record isn't much better," she added._

"_Well some help you are to me then Blondie."_

_She smiled._

"_So what do we do? Do I say your my girlfriend now, take ya out of dates, we go steady?"_

_Her smiled widened at his words. "Maybe we just keep things as they are with a bit of the um more physical stuff thrown in."_

"_I guess that's my cue to head to the gym," he lightly quipped "to regain my six pack abs_."

"_Since when did you last have six pack abs," she said teasingly._

_He tried to look offended. "Well I haven't been able to do anything for the last four weeks," he complained._

"_You haven't done anything for the last six months."_

_He scowled at her "funny" and tweaked her nose._

"_Paul has six pack abs," he continued with a wave of his hand in Paul's direction, "I can see he's been checking you out of late."_

_Oh so he was jealous now and a tad insecure._

"_And I certainly don't have his physique, I think my abs have turned more to flab."_

"_Hardly," she half laughed in amusement "and I didn't think you were so vain." _

_He glanced up at her looking somewhat disgruntled. "I'm not," he began._

"_Then what does it matter?"_

"_Alright for you," he returned, "you look hot and I don't, plain and simple."_

_She was going to give him plain and simple if he didn't snap out of this._

"_Well for your information James I don't care if you don't have Paul's six pack abs, the guys a bore," she continued feeling her frustration mounting, "what attracted me to you was this person." She poked him in the chest. "This person in here, because I like being with this person, I like his company." She poked him again. "And I like the way he makes me feel."_

"_Would you quit poking me," he muttered._

"_No," she returned and poked him some more, a sudden playfulness hitting her._

"_Juliet," he half laughed, enveloping her hands in his._

_He had such large hands, and long fingers and they were warm and it felt nice. And now he was gazing at her with much warmth in his eyes._

"_You really know how to put someone in their place," he murmured and she can see he liked that about her._

"_That's 'Other's 101' training for you," she quipped._

_He laughed and letting go of her hand he lightly caressed her face causing goose bumps to pop out all over her skin. Suddenly his eyes wavered with uncertainty. His breath came heavy. Then he pinned her with his gaze._

"_You know what I was Juliet, what I am," he murmured "a conman, a lowlife, a murderer."_

_She knew and recalled his words I don't like me, I've never liked me. A whole lifetime of self loathing but he wasn't that man deep down. He had a conscious, and beneath the jaded, ugly, tough exterior he presented to the world, was a warm and beautiful heart._

"_That's what you were James," she murmured, raising a hand and lightly touching the ends of his hair. "That's not the real you."_

_He gave a wry half smile. "Not sure who the real me is?"_

"_Yeah you do, least you're beginning to find him since being on this island."_

_She rested her hand on his chest, over his heart. "I like the real you."_

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I hope you liked it! I loved writing it and I was very happy to finally have the writing flow return to this story. **

**Reveiws and feedback is muchly welcomed and appreciated.**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: **Beware some angst! Enjoy.

* * *

><p><em><strong>CHAPTER 13.<strong>_

James eyes opened. He stared up at the ceiling. It took a moment for him to get his bearings. The vestige of a dream fading into mist was all he perceived as he tried to hold onto it. Something about a submarine, there was a bomb. It had exploded and water was rushing into the cabin, the air electrified with panic, faces of people he had known but didn't know. Juliet wasn't there. Why wasn't she there? She was always in his dreams, by his side so where did she go? And why was he angry? Yet also sad, palpably sad, so sad that it made his heart ache. It left him feeling unsettled. Maybe this was one dream he was better off not recalling. Rolling over in bed to face Juliet, he had a question for her, just the one. But Juliet wasn't there. He felt a moment's panic but then he realised the water was running and she must be in the shower. Sitting up he reached for his glasses, pushing his hair back from his face with the other hand.

_It had taken a long time to get used to sleeping alone again_ the sudden intrusive thought made him go stock still. A grief he couldn't define let alone understand made his stomach churn. What was with that? Compelled by a sudden need to look at Juliet with his own eyes to make sure she was real he shoved his glasses on his face and quickly scrambled off the bed. He pushed the bathroom door open and she looked at him startled, holding a towel to herself.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

His face was always a dead give away to her when it came to his feelings.

He didn't know what to say, how to word it, he didn't understand this need, this longing to be with her but one thing he was becoming painfully aware of was that she knew _everything_.

"You remember don't you?" His words sounded gruffer than he intended.

She froze, clutching the towel tightly in her hands. Her face paled and her eyes widened a telltale sign that he was right.

"Yes," she murmured, so softly he barely heard her.

She lowered her eyes and a black hole opened up in his gut. Why hadn't she told him? Was she ever going to tell him?

Juliet swallowed the lump in her throat. She could see his jaw clench, the range of emotions flashing in his eyes from hurt and confusion to anger. He turned suddenly and stormed off and Juliet gripped the towel rack for support. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Heart pounding in her chest she hastily dried herself and quickly threw some clothes on. How did he know that she remembered? What the hell did she say and do now? It was too soon. She wasn't ready for this.

Juliet gingerly made her way to the kitchen. He was pissed, she could tell by the way he slammed the pantry door, the bowl clunking on the bench, the fridge opening and then closing heavily and she took a deep fortifying breath. She stepped into the kitchen, stood indecisively in the doorway watching him pour milk into a bowl of cereal, his body taut and tense with repressed emotion. His hands rested on the bench, he went still, his back towards her.

"Anytime you feel like enlightening me Blondie," his voice heavy with sarcasm "fill me in."

"I've barely had the chance to get my head around it James," she calmly returned.

He spun around, glared at her, reminding her so much of the old Sawyer in that moment.

"You still could have told me yesterday afternoon when I found you crying in the corner of the lounge room," he said in a harsh voice "and here I was thinking something terrible had happened to you, that you're so-called prick of an ex-husband had hurt you or something."

He raked a hand through his hair, eyes still glowering.

"But it was just memories," he muttered "memories you were not willing to share with me."

She could see the recriminations in his eyes. Juliet sighed, tight and small. It hurt her chest.

"Were you ever gonna tell me?" he demanded.

She bit down on her bottom lip. How did she explain that she only wanted to protect him? That she didn't want to see him suffer because once he remembered he would definitely suffer? How did she tell him that she had died there on that island?

Swallowing her emotions, she said, in a strained voice, "eventually."

Given the hard way he was staring at her James obviously didn't appreciate her answer.

"Eventually," he mimicked.

This was going badly. He averted his gaze, grabbed a spoon from the drawer and stomped to the kitchen table, sitting down angrily. Juliet just stood there, clutching her hands, not knowing what to say. He began to eat, in a robotic fashion.

The painful silence stretched out. She finally spoke, in a low, sad voice "I'm sorry."

James sighed heavily. All the anger drained from his handsome face and she numbly sat down at the table.

He glanced at her.

"How come I don't remember?" he said slowly.

Juliet knew why and quickly swallowed, because the memories were too painful, for him even more so. She looked up to find him watching her.

"What happened Juliet?"

You really don't want to know that, she thought miserably. And if she were to tell him, what if he began to remember? She couldn't chance that yet because he would be distracted from working on this case and he needed a clear head, they both did. Even if it meant he was going to be pissed off with her.

"I can't tell you that yet," she murmured and her heart ached.

He clenched the spoon tightly in his fist. "Why not?"

James looked at her, his dark gaze probing and intense. He was going to be so angry at her and it's the last thing she wanted. She hated seeing that anger in his eyes, directed at her. But for now it had to be this way. Her heart twisted in a knot.

"Today I am going to sign those papers Edmund left me, selling my rights to the fertility treatment and you, we," she amended "are going to wrap up this case and then I will tell you everything James."

She met his gaze head on. He blinked. His jaw clenched. Juliet could tell he was holding back on what he really wanted to say to her.

"You are going to need a clear head," she added.

James' wanted to know now and she wasn't telling him!

"What's so bad Juliet that I won't have a clear head if you tell me?" he asked.

He stared intently at her, noticing the slight tremor of her bottom lip before she sucked it in. He felt suddenly alarmed. How bad was it? Maybe he was better off not knowing given the sudden brief flash of panic mingled with pain in her eyes.

"Like I said James," she slowly replied in a strained voice "I will tell you everything after this is all over."

He leaned back in his chair. "Okay," he sighed wearily "we'll do it your way."

* * *

><p><em>Her way<em> the amount of times he had begrudgingly agreed to do it _her way. _She glanced over at him. He was sitting at the bench, wearing a white lab coat, glasses planted firmly on his nose. He must have lost his contact lenses again or maybe he just couldn't be bothered to put them in. He'd been strangely quiet since their disagreement this morning. She watched the frown dent his forehead as he measured the spread of bacteria in the Petri dish. He hated doing it and she knew he was bored. It seemed so surreal too, him sitting there in that lab coat doing what she did day in and day out. Maybe he was just an apparition and would suddenly vanish and that thought alone panicked her. She couldn't lose him again. What if this life wasn't real? What if she was still dead and she was just conjuring all of this in her mind. Juliet pinched herself hard and winced. No, it had to be real right? It felt real but how ... how had this happened? Had hitting the bomb created a new time line that they now all lived in? Oh god it was so confusing and James was still slightly pissed with her. She could tell by the way he'd withdrawn from her. And it was time to end this interaction with Edmund, time to break free from him completely.

"I'm going to see Edmund," she announced.

James looked up suddenly. Juliet grabbed the envelope from the bench. Pity Edmund didn't get hit by a bus this life time, she dryly mused. It would have been so much easier but then she wouldn't have met James either. She heard his footsteps on the floor and turned to face him. Her gaze met his. His hands rested on her shoulders, she could see the sudden concern in his eyes.

"Be careful," he murmured.

"Don't worry I have 'Others' 101' training," she quipped and suddenly realised her slip up.

He frowned and raised an eyebrow. "Others' 101 training?"

She shook her head.

"Let's just say that I know how to handle myself," she reassured him.

She saw the speculation mingled with curiosity in his eyes.

"Did you still marry the same ass in the previous life?"

"Yep," she muttered "only he got hit by a bus then."

"Fitting," he mused.

She now knew it was rigged. Richard had arranged for that to happen to Edmund so she would go to the Island.

"Guess it's not going to happen that way now," she sighed.

James' hand moved from her shoulder to caress her cheek.

"Not everything is the same," he murmured, his fingers moving from her cheek to her hair.

He was distracting her. Soon she would lose her nerve to face Edmund.

"No, now you're a cop when before you were a conman."

His hand went suddenly still. His eyes darkened with inner pain before he shook his head. She could sense his shame.

"I still loved you then," she murmured softly, unable to resist but raised a hand and lightly brushed his hair out of his eyes "there was so much more to you."

* * *

><p>James paced the lab, feeling unsettled and uptight and worried. He was still annoyed with her for not telling him anything this morning even if he could in some ways see her point. But he wasn't thinking clearly or rationally as it were. Maybe he should get a cup of coffee, though that would just make him even more anxious. He walked out of the lab, down the corridor towards the staffroom. He glanced at that the young pretty girl being chatted up by some College jock. He didn't like the leery way in which the College jock was looking at her.<p>

_You can do better than that Clementine._

The sudden memory shook him and he stopped dead in his tracks, trying to shake off the unsettling feeling deep in his gut. Who the hell was Clementine?

_She turned to him, a big happy smile on her face. He gazed at the white wedding dress she wore. His baby girl was all grown up and about to get married. It made his heart constrict. But he was so damn proud of her. _

James closed his eyes. He had a daughter? Since when, in that other life? Suddenly it was as if the sounds around him were distorted and far away. He felt dizzy and rested a hand against the wall for support.

"I am not losing it," he chanted under his breath.

He took in a deep breath, tried to think rationally and the memory faded as quickly as it came. His eyes opened and he looked straight into Candice's concerned expression.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

No, not really, he wasn't alright.

"You've gone white as a sheet," she observed.

"Must have been something I ate," he muttered and turning on his heel he hurried back to the lab.

Shutting the door behind him and leaning against it for support.

"It's nothing," he told himself.

Just some random memory, so what if he had a daughter in that other timeline he couldn't even remember. For all he knew he could have had a child with Juliet, the girl in the memory could have been their daughter? Maybe they escaped the island?

* * *

><p>Juliet knocked on Edmund's door.<p>

"Come in," he called out.

She turned the handle, took a deep breath and opened the door. Edmund looked up from his desk and smiled a smile that didn't reach his eyes. She walked in. He leaned back in his chair, gazing up at her.

"What can I do for you Jules?"

She threw the envelope on his desk. He glanced down at it, his hands forming a steeple.

"I signed my half over to you," she muttered "it's all yours."

Surprise crossed Edmund's face.

"You were so adamant about not selling your half," he began, his eyes questioning "so what's with the change of heart?"

"None of your business," she snapped.

Edmund gave her a bemused look.

"Is it love?" he mocked "you in love with your research assistant?"

Juliet swallowed and refused to allow his words to bug her. Soon she would be the one gloating over him, mocking him.

"He's good looking, charming no doubt but that really is all he has going for him and quite frankly I'm surprised at you Juliet."

She kept her face neutral, haughty even.

"I thought you were smarter than that?"

"You don't know me at all," she returned.

His benign smile irritated her.

"Are you so desperate for male attention that you'll give yourself to the first man who comes along and gives you affection?" he jeered.

She clenched her fists.

"Just give me the money Edmund," she said coldly "I'm not interested in what you have to say."

He slowly stood up, his eyes never leaving her face and Juliet remained rooted to the spot. She watched him open the drawer to his desk and pull out a cheque book. He filled in a cheque, signed it and tore it out. Meanwhile Juliet held her breath. She needed that cheque, without it there would be no evidence and all of this would have been in vain.

Edmund took the few steps towards her, till they were standing face to face. Juliet tried not to shudder because of his closeness. The man made her skin crawl. He held out the cheque to her. She went to take it but he flicked his hand back at the last minute.

"You sure he's worth it Jules?" he murmured.

James, she would die for him, she had died for him.

"Tell me one thing," he continued his breath warm against her cheek "how did he change your mind?"

Damn Edmund and his innuendos. He really did get enjoyment out of making her life a misery and playing head games with her, the sick bastard.

"He didn't," she murmured "he told me not to do it."

Edmund frowned and she longed to put space between them. Then a slow smile crossed his face.

"I see," was all he said.

Juliet hoped that what Edmund saw was how clever James was at conning her by allowing her to think this was all her own idea.

Taking her hand in his he placed the cheque into the palm of her hand. Her fingers closed over the cheque. His mocking gaze sliced through her and she longed to slap his smug face.

"It won't last," he whispered and she pulled her hand away from his.

"Let's just say I did try to warn you Juliet," he continued, his fingers caressing the upper part of the inside of her arm causing her to feel suddenly nauseous.

"After all you were my wife ..."

"Ex-wife," she added coldly.

"And you used to be so frigid when it came to sex."

"With you yes," she returned, standing her ground "with him, no."

She tried to hide a smile at the sudden hardening of his expression. She had the cheque in her hand now. She could afford to give him some shit back. And it felt good.

His hand gripped her upper arm and he pulled her towards him, his eyes glittering.

"You are still mine Juliet and don't you forget it," he hissed.

For now yes but not for very much longer.

"Let go of me," she growled glaring at him.

"Such a pretty young thing and so naive when I married you," he mocked, touching her cheek and causing her to shiver with repulsion "and that hasn't changed."

Much to her shock and horror he then kissed her, pulling her hard against his chest, bruising her lips with his hard harsh lips. She could feel bile rise in her throat and a sudden fierce blinding anger. She shoved at him with all of her strength and he staggered backwards.

"How dare you," she hissed, wiping her hand across her mouth in disgust.

Her hand shook. He had rattled her, yet again. She felt sick. And he just smiled in that smug way of his.

"Nice doing business with you Jules," he mocked.

She glared at him before turning away and exiting his office as fast as she could. Tears threatened and she fought them back. How could she have made the same mistake twice over? A sudden wave of nausea hit her and she brought a hand up to mouth. Oh god she was going to be sick.

"Juliet," she heard James call but she couldn't face him and took a quick detour to the nearest empty ward room and the attached bathroom.

Kneeling on the ground she threw up into the toilet bowl. The tears that had threatened tumbled down her cheeks unheeded. So lost in her misery she didn't even hear anyone approach.

"Juliet?"

It was James' voice, naturally. He always found her.

"What happened?"

She tipped anguished eyes up to his. His eyes raked over her, wondering, worrying.

"Juliet," his voice was sharp "talk to me."

He crouched down next to her, his eyes resting on her face. No doubt she looked a sight and she hastily wiped the tears away.

She could see his jaw clench as his hand lightly touched her face.

"What did that bastard do to you?"

She dropped her eyes and cleared her throat. "I-It's nothing."

He gave her an incredulous look. "Nothing ... don't look like nothing and your lip is bleeding," his voice broke off there and he gently brushed his thumb over her lip. She flinched.

"He hurt you?"

She dragged her eyes up to his and hated herself for the tears that started to fill them.

"Fuck!"

"He only kissed me," she muttered and shuddered again.

James raked a hand through his hair. His face hardened.

"I'm going to kill him," he muttered in a low, deadly voice.

It had been a long time since she'd seen that look in his eyes and sudden alarm filled her.

"If you go striding into his office now you'll only give it all away James," she gasped.

His grey blue eyes smouldered.

"A-And I got what we needed," she hastily continued, her voice shook "I got the cheque."

She uncurled her stiff fingers. He glanced down at her hand, before taking it into his warm hands. His fingers curled around hers. It felt soothing.

"But at what price," he muttered in a hoarse voice.

"Well now you get to put him behind bars."

He shook his head. "Somehow I get the feeling it would be a lot more satisfying to kill him."

Juliet swallowed the lump in her throat.

"I want to see him lose all credibility, I want to see him go to prison, I want to gloat James."

He considered, nodding.

"Then let's do it."

He pulled her to her feet and she stood there shivering. James grabbed a face washer, rinsed it under the tap before handing it to her. She took it gingerly from him and wiped her mouth, glancing at him, his expression unreadable.

She reached up and put her arms around him, hiding her face against his neck, wanting to feel close to him. He smoothed her hair down and pressed his lips to the side of her head in a comforting gesture. He wasn't angry with her anymore and she leaned against him with relief. His arms circling her waist and she looked into his eyes.

"I don't know what I would do without you," she murmured.

His expression was the closest thing she'd ever seen approach to shyness since she had said the exact same words to him during Dharma times. Back then it had startled her, James, shy, since when? And it had made her feel tender towards him as it did now.

"Why don't you call in sick for the rest of the day," he suggested, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear "I need to go to the station and I don't want you here with him."

His eyes hardened at the thought of Edmund being anywhere near her again. He could still feel the rage at Edmund for causing Juliet more pain. That bastard had done enough to her and James couldn't wait to make him pay.

Juliet nodded, much to his relief. Obviously she didn't want to be alone around Edmund either and the bastard had kissed her. What the hell was with that? He felt a boiling rage that he tried to ignore. It made his stomach churn and Edmund must have kissed her roughly to cause her lip to bleed and that thought alone made him even angrier. He wished he could do something tangible to release his emotions, like beating Edmund to a pulp. He tried to swallow the anger because he didn't want to upset Juliet any further and she looked pale enough as it were and sad. He lightly caressed her cheek.

"He won't ever hurt you again Juliet," he murmured, feeling an overwhelmingly strong drive to protect her.

"I know," she sighed "I know you won't let him."

He managed a smile. God how much he loved this woman, it anything happened to her ... a thought he didn't even want to entertain. He couldn't lose her, _not again._

Flashes of a big guy with long curly hair filled his head _what if we could do everything over again._

James froze. He felt a tightness in his stomach. The image of that man was so real that he could almost reach out his hand and pluck him out of thin air. The room swayed slightly.

"James?" Juliet's voice, sounding distant "James, are you alright?"

He could hear the sudden urgency in her voice and the image of the man, that moment in time, faded away but it left him shaken to his core. _What if they could do everything over again?_

He blinked then his eyes met hers. He could see the worry there. The sudden pounding in his ears made his head ache and he rubbed at his temple with his fingers, frowning.

"I-I ... who is the big guy with curly hair?"

Her eyes widened in sudden shock. She knew, of course she knew, she remembered everything.

"Hugo," she whispered in a hoarse voice "he was on the island."

"Hurley?"

"Yes," she breathed and bit down on her lip "you remember?"

He shook his head. "No, it was just a sudden image." Problem was the images always left him feeling rattled.

Regaining his composure, he took a deep breath and fought the urge to demand Juliet tell him everything. She had her reasons but hell it wasn't making it any easier for him.

"It's nothing," he muttered gruffly. "Once I'm finished at the station I'll come and see you."

She was still watching him, worry evident in her clear beautiful eyes.

"James," she began, slowly, hesitantly "if the memories return it won't be a pleasant experience."

A slight perplexed frown dented his forehead. What did she mean by that?

She rubbed her arms. "Promise me that you won't do anything rash."

Why the hell would he? And what was with the shadows in her eyes? What had happened that was so terrible on that Island to cause them?

"Juliet you're beginning to freak me out here."

He ran stiff fingers through his hair.

She lowered her gaze.

"I shouldn't have said anything," she sighed "I don't mean to worry you."

To hell with that, he'd been worried all day and probably since yesterday and now he was more worried than ever!

He took her hand in his. "C'mon let's get out of here." Whatever had happened that was so terrible it could wait. Juliet was right, he needed a clear head and he'd had enough brief snatches of unsettling memories for the day.

* * *

><p>It seemed like once something took a hold, once it started, no matter how slowly, it continued. The very brief snatches of memories became more frequent. Not that any of it made much sense to James. Driving in the car, on the way to the station, the memories would just come randomly, in brief jarring, jagged pieces.<p>

_Whoa ya gonna be the death of me girl _teaching Clementine how to drive, hell but that had been an experience. And as quickly as the memories came, they receded to, causing his head to pound.

_I've found the perfect job for us _Miles words, Miles older with streaks of grey through his hair.

_And what's that Enos?_

_Private Investigators._

James laughed. For real and he turned his head almost expecting to see Miles sitting there in the passenger's seat and he shivered slightly. That was just plain freaky.

It didn't get any better once he walked into the police station. Mary, the receptionist gave him a cute little wave in passing, as she always did.

"Radinsky is looking for you," she called after him.

What else was new? Damn Radinsky, the prick. And he'd no sooner walked into his office when there was the man himself, leaning on his desk, arms folded.

"Where you been Ford?" he snapped and James glared at him.

"Working undercover," he snapped back.

"Nice lab coat," Miles smirked from his corner of the desk.

Damn but he'd left it on.

"How long till this case is wrapped up?" Radinsky demanded, getting up from his desk.

"It's done," James returned with an air of triumph.

"Edmund signed the check this morning," he continued, pulling the cheque out of his pocket and waving it in front of Radinsky's grizzled face.

The bastard could at least give him some praise but no that would be too hard for the jerk. He'd always been an _over controlling ass._

_Just because you're now head of security, doesn't mean you can do what you like Lafleur._ Fuck Radinsky, he was just pissed because he'd gotten the job instead of Phil. Radinsky had wanted Phil to get it, because Phil was a damn suck up little prick that would do whatever Radinsky asked of him.

James went stock still and stared at Radinsky in shock. _You ... you ... you're _but the memory faded as quickly as it came.

James shook his head to clear it, rubbing his forehead at the sharp sudden pain there.

"What's the matter with you Ford?" Radinsky growled "I'm talking to you here."

James turned his head and looked at Radinsky dazed. No way, how the fuck did Radinsky end up here? Of all people and he hated him, with a passion that made no sense.

"Now you've wrapped up this case you can return to general police duties as of tomorrow," Radinsky continued with a smug look on his face "and get a haircut whist you're at it Ford."

James glowered at Radinsky's back as he strolled towards his office. He always had been a smug bastard.

"Why does the prick have it in for me?" James muttered, turning to Miles "what the hell did I ever do to him?"

Miles raised an eyebrow and shook his head. "Beat's me."

Hadn't they had this conversation before? Yeah countless times here and countless times _there _too. James eyes rested on Miles.

"_Private Investigators are you serious Miles? Fuck I have a criminal record a mile long ain't no way I can be a Private Investigator. I can't even get a decent damn job."_

"_What being a bouncer at a night club and getting to check out hot chicks isn't a good job?" Miles teased._

"_Maybe if they weren't all young enough to be my daughter."_

James fell back on his chair, covering his face with his hands.

"Gee I thought you'd be a bit happier about wrapping up this case," Miles remarked. "Now you get to have a real relationship with Juliet without worrying about it interfering with your job."

James hands fell to his sides and he leaned his head back, staring up at the ceiling.

"Something weird is happening to me," he muttered.

"Yeah it's probably too much sex and not enough sleep," Miles quipped.

James straightened up and glanced at him, a typical Miles statement.

"You ever have flashes of memories that don't make sense but they seem real?" he asked.

Miles frowned. "Sometimes, lately I've been having these memories of this hot brunette who thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread."

Okay so Miles was yanking his chain now, this was pointless.

"She has this weird 70's hairstyle," Miles continued "and she's wearing clothes from the 70's, maybe it was some fancy dress up party that I went too."

James scowled at him. The 70's, really, the guy was full of shit.

"No I'm serious," Miles said as he glanced at James' sceptical face. "Except for the brunette who thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread, I made that bit up but sometimes I wake up in the morning and I feel like I'm in that place with the yellow houses, and a pair of overalls hanging on a hook on the back of the bedroom door."

James frowned.

"Is Radinsky there?" he remarked dryly.

"Not that I recall, it's just you, Juliet and some Korean guy called Jin."

_Jin_ shit. The Korean's face appeared before his eyes.

_For how long James?_

_As long as it takes._

He shut his eyes. Him, Miles, Juliet and Jin stuck in some place from the 70's ... is that even possible?

It was so damn frustrating not to remember anything in its entirety. He needed to sort his head out. He needed to get back to business.

"Well," he sighed heavily, thrusting the cheque across the desk towards Miles. "Here's the evidence."

Miles took the cheque.

"So the guy fell for it after all," Miles mused, gazing at the cheque "I wasn't sure if he would."

"Guess he couldn't help himself but to screw Juliet over one more time," James muttered, still pissed about what he'd done to her this morning.

The sick bastard was finally going to get his comeuppance and James couldn't wait to see his face.

"So when do we arrest the bastard?"

"I think tomorrow morning should do it, by then I'll have all the paperwork done," Miles replied.

James nodded in satisfaction.

"Good."

"And you and Juliet?" Miles enquired "what's going to happen there?"

_What always should have been _James shook his head and sat up_. _

"She's the sort of woman I can see myself marrying," he murmured dreamily "I ain't ever had that before now, what I feel for her is something I can't explain, only that it's real, tangible and powerful."

'_I was going to ask her to marry me.'_

The jarring memory shook him for a moment.

_He's standing on a dock, feeling absolutely and completely wretched, like he's fallen down a deep black hole, one he feels he can never climb out of. He fingers the smoothness of the simple ring, a dead weight in his hand._

James looked slowly down at the palm of his hand, a knot forming in the pit of his stomach, his hair falling in his eyes.

_Promise me that you won't do anything rash. _Why would he? Something bad had happened there, on that island and James swallowed, experiencing a sudden dread. That's why Juliet was too afraid to tell him anything. He can sense it, like a recurring nightmare he'd have as a kid, vivid, terrifying and never completely forgotten. It always hovered on the fringes of the mind waiting to come back to haunt once more when asleep. He ran a shaking hand over his face. Fuck.

"Hey Jim ... Jim!" Miles called, his voice persistent and James turned his head to look at him, feeling dazed, confused, troubled.

"What's wrong with you?" Miles frowned.

Everything and nothing and hell, he had to see Juliet.

"I gotta go," he muttered, pushing his chair back and getting to his feet.

"Radinsky won't be happy," Miles pointed out.

Fuck Radinsky.

* * *

><p>Juliet couldn't sit still. She paced the living room, then scrubbed the kitchen till it sparkled, worrying and wondering.<p>

_It's only a matter of time_ whispered the voice in her head _before he remembers._

It was beginning to happen. She could see it all unravelling in his mind, like a film in rewind, unlike her where it all happened in one dramatic heart stopping hit, his seemed to be happening piece by piece. But before too long all those pieces were going to fit together and then what?

She did and didn't want him to remember. It had all ended so badly. Her last moments lying amongst the rubble down that hole, him holding her. Least his face was the last thing she saw, his lips upon hers before the darkness descended.

Juliet scrubbed the bathroom next, furiously cleaning ever speck of dirt she could see, impatiently shoving her hair back from her face. Right that was it, she straightened up, grabbed the hair brush, yanking it through her hair before tying it back in a high ponytail, even then tendrils escaped and grabbing half a dozen bobby pins she clipped the hair back off her face, tying the ponytail into one long single plait. It won't be getting in her face now and satisfied she resumed her scrubbing.

"_Something bugging you sweetheart?" James drawled as she wiped down the coffee table he had his feet resting on._

"_No, should there be?"_

_He frowned, flicked the newspaper he was reading._

"_I dunno, the fact that you've not stopped scrubbing the house for the last three hours generally means something's wrong."_

_She stopped wiping, her shoulders slumped and she ran a weary hand over her face. Her period was late. 'I think I might be pregnant?' She couldn't tell him that, not yet, not till she was certain and oh god if she were, how did she tell him. Was their relationship ready for something like that? _

As it turned out it never did come to that. Jack, Kate and Hurley rocking up a couple of days later and there never had been the chance to tell James. Even though the pregnancy test she had taken the morning after they'd arrived confirmed that she was indeed pregnant. It was hardly the right time to tell him when he was so distracted by them being there. Probably just as well. It would have only made losing her even harder for him if he'd known she was pregnant.

The sudden knocking on the door startled Juliet out of her thoughts. She froze for a moment. What if it were Edmund? The knock came again, louder, insistent. Dropping the cloth into the hand basin Juliet left the bathroom and walked to the front door.

She took a deep breath. "Who is it?" she asked.

"It's me James."

Relieved she quickly yanked the door open. Her eyes raked over him, a wave of turbulent emotions hitting her. He was okay. Thank god.

His eyes rested on her hair and a slight bemused expression crossed his face.

"I've been cleaning," she murmured sheepishly, pulling the clips out of her hair.

His hand caught her long plait and he tugged on it gently before pulling her into his arms. He held her tightly, like he never wanted to let go. She could hear his heart thumping in his chest. Okay so what was wrong now? Had he remembered and is that why he was holding her so tightly?

"Can't breathe James," she murmured.

"Sorry," he said abashed, releasing his hold enough for her to look into his face.

Her gaze searched his. She could see the pained shadows in his eyes.

"Come inside," she softly said, taking his hand and gently pulling him in, closing the front door behind him.

He let go of her hand and walked gingerly to the couch. Something was wrong. Juliet's heart leapt into her throat. He slumped back onto the couch, bringing a hand up to his eyes. Not a good sign and forcing her legs to move Juliet walked to the couch.

"James ..." she began tentatively and half afraid that he now knew _everything_ too.

She noticed the slight tremor in his hand as he rubbed his eyes.

"Tell me something Juliet," he murmured in a low hoarse voice, causing her knees to suddenly go weak. "Is the reason you won't tell me what happened is because you died on the island?"

Juliet couldn't think for the blood rushing to her head, she sunk slowly to the coffee table.

James didn't need a confession of yes. He could clearly see it written all over her face. She turned tortured eyes to his. He found it hard to breath. She slowly, miserably nodded and tears burned the back of his eyes.

He remembered _pushing the debris aside in his haste to reach her. Finding her still broken body, blood smeared on her cheek and through her hair. His heart jumping into his throat at the sight of her and then he froze, the thought of her being dead too much for him to bear. He stumbled towards her, dropping to his knees as his hands caressed her face and hair, tears blurring his vision._

'_Juliet.' His voice hurt, his whole body ached. His life crashing down in fragments around him, pieces that could never be fitted back together again._

James screwed his eyes shut. He didn't want to remember this, it hurt too much. He willed the painful images to go away. It was then not now. What did it matter?

_He turned to the big guy, Hugo. How was it that he didn't look a day older?_

"_If this works will we remember it, this life?" His words carried away on the wind, the boat rocking beneath them._

"_I don't know?"_

"_Because you want to hope we don't," he got out in a harsh voice._

"_Then how will you find her?" Hugo questioned._

_James gritted his teeth. "I'll find her."_

Juliet couldn't tear her eyes away from his face, feeling utterly wretched for causing him this pain.

"James," she softly spoke, sounding a lot calmer than she felt "look at me James?"

His eyes sprung open and turning his head he stared at her, his breathing ragged, his face a mask of bewildered, uncomprehending agony causing her throat to constrict.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered.

He held out a hand to her, she took it and he pulled her down towards him. She burrowed into him as his arms wrapped around her, holding her close to him. His face pressed into her hair, she can feel the dampness of his cheek against hers.

"Don't you ever leave me again," he said slowly, struggling to suppress the tremor in his voice.

Her fingers pushed through his hair. "I won't," she whispered.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Alas this story is nearing it's end. It should be wrapped up in another chapter or two. I hoped you liked it? The ending should be worth the wait, I think, I hope.

Reviews always very muchly welcomed and appreciated. Let me know if you're still following this story. Updates have been slow, I know, but I have the writing flow at present and it'll go quickly from here on out.

Many thanks to my friend Eyeon who has helped with editing this chapter and is always giving me lots of encouragement. I wouldn't still be here without her and also LornaCat who always gives me such inspiring reviews. In fact all reviews are special and encouraging and are what keeps us writers going.

Thanks for reading.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: **Reviews are always appreciated and welcomed. Enjoy!

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter 14.<strong>_

* * *

><p><em>- 25<em>_th__ June 2030 -_

The house was unusually quiet when James let himself inside. He had a bad feeling about this.

"Surprise!" A group of people he'd grown attached to chorus and his eyes rested on Clementine accusingly.

He should have known that between Clementine and her mother- in- law Beth there would be no escaping a birthday party for his 60th.

Damn 60, was he really that old now? Naturally Clementine was the first one to hug him. She had been his sole focus in life for the last 20 years. Without her he doubted he'd still be sane. She had brought something into his life that he hadn't thought possible, a sense of belonging, of being part of the grander scheme of life, having this father/daughter relationship. It made him feel whole and complete. There were many moments he felt guilty and lucky at the same given time. Guilt because Juliet should have had this, guilt because he'd gotten to see Julian grow up too when it should have been her. He had the chance to be a father, when Jin and Sun died never having that.

Years had passed and the pain lessened but not always the memories. Maybe 21 years just wasn't long enough. Not that the memories haunted him in the same way they had in the first couple of years. He had to make peace with them at some stage, learn to live with what fate dished out, even if it meant learning to live with the decisions he'd made from his past. No one ever got it right all of the time.

The next person to hug him was Beth. They had formed a close friendship, her son Jordan, Clementine's husband was like a son to him. She had been a single mom and he'd developed a good relationship with Jordan, with both of them. For the first time in a very long while he was part of a family again.

Jordan patted him on the back.

"Sixty years old Pops, how does it feel?"

Pops! James had long since given up correcting Jordan with his use of nicknames. Not as if he could talk. The guy had obviously learnt it from him.

"I'll let ya know when it sinks in."

Cassidy hugged him. His eyes rested on her face. Age was beginning to catch up with her as much as it was with him.

"How are you doing granny?" he quipped.

She scowled. "You know I hate being called that!"

He'd been calling her granny ever since Clementine had a son two years ago.

"Well I have to put up with Pops from Billy Joel over there," James continued gesturing with his thumb towards Jordan. Jordan had reminded him of a younger version of Billy Joel and the name had stuck.

"I think it's only fitting that I call you granny," he grinned.

"Okay Pops," she teased jokingly.

Least she no longer hated his guts with a passion like she had when he'd first rocked up, asking about Clementine. It had taken time.

There were the neighbours, Betty and Frank, some old work friends from when he was a bouncer at a night club. Glad he was no longer doing that. His publisher Robert was there.

"How's the next book coming along?" he asked.

"It's ... getting there."

Why the hell had Clementine invited him? Sure he liked the guy but now he was going to hear about that damn novel he'd been trying to write all night long.

"It's taking you a while," Robert continued.

It was, unlike the other novels but this one was different, this one involved too much of his heart. This one was going to be his _last._

It was with some relief when his eyes rested on Kate. She smiled in that secretive way of hers. He hadn't seen her in four years, not since Claire's funeral. She had begged him to fly to Australia with her to attend the funeral. _I can't do this alone James._

'_What about your partner Steve?'_

'_It's not the same, you and I were there James, on that Island, we shared times that other people could never understand.'_

_He hated flying and to Australia of all places. _

'_I need you.'_

So he had gone with her. Stood, staring down into that hole as Claire's coffin was lowered into the ground. He'd seen too many funerals in his lifetime, too much death. And hers was a life short lived, killed instantly in a fatal car crash at just 41 leaving behind her 18 year old son, Aaron. Aaron was now 22, tall and blonde like his mother and living with Claire's mother Carole in Australia. He was studying physics at College, the irony.

"Hi Kate," he smiled his eyes resting on her face.

"Hi James," she replied.

She was carefully studying him, as she always did when many years had passed since they last met.

"You're going grey Freckles."

She smiled and shook her head. He had to briefly wonder why she didn't colour her hair like other women.

"And you've got too thin," she observed, her eyes resting on his face "I think you've taken this diet thing too far."

If only it were for that reason.  
>"Ain't no pleasing you Kate," he began and she didn't know. He couldn't tell her, not yet but she was looking at him knowingly as if she sensed something wasn't quite right with him. She always had seen straight through him.<p>

"What's with Miles?" she asked, nodding in Miles' direction.

Miles was sitting on the couch, a beer in one hand, looking depressed.

"He broke up with his girlfriend," James hastily said but that wasn't the real reason for Miles depression.

Miles was the only other person besides Beth who knew the truth. And Beth was taking it a lot better than Miles. Miles needed to snap out of it. He was gonna make Clementine suspicious before too long.

"What are you not telling me James?" Kate softly asked.

He returned his gaze to her face. He should tell her even if it were hard. Just in case he never saw her again.

"Can't discuss it in here," he murmured "let's go outside."

He led her outside to the back porch, shutting the door behind him. She had walked over to the railing, pulling her cardigan tighter around herself.

He stood there indecisively watching the cool night air breeze ruffle her short curls. What he had to say was so difficult and hard. She then turned and looked at him, eyes questioning and half fearful too as if she'd already guessed.

He took a deep breath. "I've got cancer Kate."

Her face paled as the enormity of his words took full effect.

"Its terminal," he continued in a tight voice.

Her eyes widened in horror and shock before she abruptly turned away, gripping the railing for support. God this was so fucking hard. Telling people shit like this. It left him feeling wretched. Making his stiff legs move he took the few steps towards her, standing at the railing alongside her and staring out across the backyard. The pumpkin he'd carved out with his grandson Billy a month ago still hanging precariously from the tree and it had been an effort to stop the kid trying to eat the pumpkin mash. Clementine had named the kid Billy Joel after she'd taken a fancy to the same nickname he'd given her husband. His heart constricted in his chest.

He glanced sideways at Kate, noted the silent tears streaming down her cheeks and quickly looked away again taking a sharp breath. How the hell did he tell Clementine if Kate was taking it this badly?

"Hell Kate we all gotta die sometime," he muttered.

"No," she whispered in a strained voice "not you."

Least she wasn't running out on him, unlike Miles. Miles way of dealing with it was to get pissed at him _to hell with that Jim _before storming out the house and slamming the front door.

"It'll just be me now," she sighed and shuddered in a deep breath "the lone survivor."

"There's still Miles, and Richard is out there, somewhere."

She turned her pained face to his.

"You know what I mean James, I'm talking about flight 815," she stuttered, wiping her eyes "there was only just the three of us and C-Claire's dead and now you ..."

She was watching him, breathing hard, her face contorted in distress.

"I can't lose you too."

She looked so sad and she wasn't making it any easier for him. "Dammit Kate," he muttered gruffly before pulling her into his arms.

"And you are not alone, you have Aaron," he murmured.

"I hardly see him," she said sadly before going silent.

He stood there for several minutes, holding her tense body before she began to relax.

"How long James?" she asked, her voice muffled against his shirt.

"Three months minimum, six months if I'm lucky, if you call that lucky," he said in a harsh ironic voice.

She pulled back and looked up into his face, regaining some composure by the look of it.

"What type of cancer?"

She would have to ask.

"Brain tumour," he returned dully, just like his Uncle but his wasn't genetic.

"According to blood tests I've been exposed to high levels of radiation at some point."

And he knew exactly at which point. He looked into her pale face, his hands resting on her shoulders.

"You and I both know that's why you couldn't have kids of your own."

He remember how gutted she had been when she'd found that out. She'd called him at some ungodly hour of the night, crying and almost incoherent. He hadn't heard from her in years. He remembered thinking that if Juliet had been here Juliet could have helped Kate get pregnant. But Juliet's miracle cure had died with her.

Kate stared at him through watery eyes. He knew that she'd spent years struggling to come to grips with it, becoming bitter by the day, and the year before she finally found a way to deal with it. She had started up a refuge centre for homeless kids and then found some solace with her current partner Steve. She'd never married though, neither had he but they had both made peace with what had happened to them, what they had both lost even if deep down they had never really gotten over it.

"What are you going to do?" she asked softly.

"The doctors suggested chemotherapy," he muttered "might buy me some more time ..."

He raked stiff fingers through his hair. "But I said no."

"Why?" she asked, her voice incredulous.

He gave her an even look and shook his head.

"I watched my Uncle die the same way Kate and it wasn't pleasant for either him or the people around him and I won't be putting my family through that."

Her eyes were large, dark pools in the evening twilight.

"Soon I won't be able to do anything, won't be able to walk or talk or ..." his voice broke off there and he tore his gaze away from hers, shoving his hands in his pockets.

It had only been a week since he'd found out the news and a week really wasn't long enough to come to terms with it. At first he'd been shell shocked. Not that he was afraid of dying and in the first few years of returning from the Island would have welcomed it but hell what a way to die.

"Did you get the letter?" he asked in a low even voice.

It was the only thing that had brought him some faint hope in these last awful couple of days.

"The one with the date, time and meeting place?"

"Miles got one too," he said "no forwarding address or name of sender on it."

His eyes met Kate's.

"Hugo," she murmured as realisation dawned.

"I'm gonna go back to the Island Kate."

Her eyes widened in surprise.

"If I'm gonna die then I want it to be there, I want to be with ..." his voice broke off there and he hastily turned away from her, gripping the railing tightly.

Damn fucking emotions.

"_Juliet_," she finished for him, her voice quiet and still on the night air.

_He nodded, was all he could manage and shut his eyes. _

* * *

><p>James felt Juliet stir in his arms, bringing him back to reality. He was so lost and submerged in memories that he'd almost forgotten she was there. The rapid beating of his heart had slowed, and the agonising pain lessened just a bit, enough for him to begin to think somewhat rationally.<p>

_It had worked _the living proof of that lying right here in his arms, Juliet.

Damn but Hugo had been right after all. Disbelief replaced the pain and he had a wild desire to look at Juliet with his own eyes.

"Let me see you," his voice hoarse with too many emotions.

She raised her head from his chest and his hands touched her face in amazement. She was beautiful, she was here and she was real but how? How had this happened and Hugo ...

"The son of a bitch was right," he murmured "I'd thought maybe he'd just gone a bit crazy being stuck on the Island with only Ben for company for too many years."

Juliet frowned at his words.

Of course she wouldn't have known what had happened.

He remembered burying her, the unbearable pain of loss, the unfairness of it all _I had a life here._ Before Saint Jack came waltzing back into their lives and screwed it all up for them. He wanted to kill him then. He wanted to see Jack suffer as much as he was. But by a miracle she was here now.

His eyes raked over her face, he brushed a thumb over her lips. Hell she looked so young too. His heart twisted in a knot. She was the woman he should have grown old with.

He'd had so many regrets; regrets and a hell of a lot of self blame that had plagued him for years when he'd left the Island. It was another lifetime ago but just like the other day too. He tried to reign in the turbulent memories, the emotion attached to them. He felt a wreck and astonished within the same given breath.

"Ben?" Juliet asked, a puzzled frown denting her smooth forehead "what are you talking about James?"

He drew in a deep breath, gazed into her face. How did he tell her? How did he explain the life he'd lived after she was gone? He couldn't do it, not yet. He could barely make sense of it all as it were. And it hurt recalling it, thinking about it. He caught the end of her plait with his hand.

"What's with the braid?"

Before she had the chance to say anything more he pulled the elastic band off the end and began unravelling her hair.

"You are hedging with me James," she spoke slowly, confusion in those beautiful eyes of hers.

He'd forgotten just how amazingly blue they were. Time did that after a while. Faces of long ago becoming indistinct and blurred no matter how much he tried to hold onto them. Sure there were photos. Rachel had a lot of photos. It always hurt too much looking at them whenever he visited her, reminding him of what he'd lost and so he hadn't.

He really didn't want to cause Juliet any unnecessary pain. And if she knew that he had had a life, a life in which he saw Rachel, the very life she had desired so many times when on the Island that it would cause her pain.

"I-I'm still trying to come to grips with it," he mumbled, running a hand over his face, through his hair, tugging on the ends with uncertainty.

She pulled away from him into a sitting position, and he could tell she was thinking long and hard given the way she bit down on her bottom lip. Sighing he pulled himself up as well, sitting alongside her, his gaze searching hers. Feeling an elated sense of amazement that she really was here and he couldn't tear his eyes away from her face. It had and hadn't been so long since he'd last seen her and it was just plain surreal, the myriad of mixed emotions coursing through him. This is what she must have been feeling since remembering late yesterday afternoon.

"You remember everything now?" she asked quietly.

"It's still coming back to me."

But yeah he remembered and the memories had a way of returning as if it were just yesterday and not another lifetime ago. And why wouldn't Juliet look at him? What was she thinking? He gently placed his hand under her chin and turned her face towards his so she had no option but to look at him. Her eyelashes fluttered darkly against her pale skin, a touch of colour in her cheeks, his thumb brushed across his lips.

"God but you are so beautiful, more beautiful than I remember."

Her cheeks coloured even more under his intense gaze. That's right she was modest now, in fact she always had been a bit. Not taking compliments that easily. He figured it had to do with her ex-husband and now he definitely knew that it was! He pulled her hair free of its ponytail and the long curls cascaded over her shoulders and down her back nearly to her waist.

"It's longer than it used to be," he murmured, his voice husky and the wonder of seeing her here hitting him square in the guts.

It really was her, _unbelievable._ And a need, so overwhelming and intense took hold. All those nights he had woken up alone, rolling over in bed expecting to find her there and she wasn't. She was gone from him _forever _and the pain of loss was almost too much to bear.

"Juliet," he murmured, never thinking he'd ever say her name again.

He traced the outline of her mouth with his fingers. Then he replaced his fingers with his lips. She melted into the circle of his arms as he deepened the kiss, her desperate need and longing matching his own. Time had stood still. Maybe it had never passed at all.

"James," she whispered when their lips broke apart.

"I remember everything with you," he murmured in a hoarse voice, running a hand through her soft hair "every waking moment."

Her eyes filled warmth and a slow smile crossed her face.

"So do I," she murmured, raising a hand to touch his face.

That was all the prompting he needed. He lowered his mouth to hers, a deep moan in his chest pulling her closer to himself as the last vestiges of memories from his 60th birthday receded into his mind.

He led her to the bedroom. She gazed at him lovingly and in wonderment, transfixed by the desire and longing in his eyes, mingled with a hint of sadness too. They'd loved, and lost and found each other again. Even though she knew he wasn't telling her everything yet but it could wait. Somehow making love with him seemed the most important and natural thing to do; a way for them to heal and for a time forget everything else. And making love to him, both remembering, both knowing made it even more amazing. Like many years had passed between them but none of it mattered except the here and now, this moment. They were the same but also different, with new life experiences and somehow that made it more meaningful and breathtaking and fulfilling on a whole new level that Juliet never expected to experience in her lifetime. She had all but given up on men and finding love. Only James could take her to a place where she felt a total connection with another human being, where she wasn't really alone.

Afterwards they laid back, arms wrapped around each other, till their breathing began to slow down. He buried his face in her hair.

"So many mornings I woke up alone, thinking you were still there beside me only to find you gone," he murmured and she can hear the raw pain in his voice.

Juliet's heart constricted and she longed to comfort him. She held him tightly to herself, not wanting to ever let go _again_.

"For how long James?" she asked, her voice not more than a whisper.

"Too long," he muttered.

"Did you die on the Island?" she couldn't help to ask, curious about what had happened to him.

He took so long to answer that she was almost afraid he wouldn't.

"Yeah," he eventually sighed "in a matter of speaking."

She turned her head to look at him, puzzled and concerned. She saw the deep shadows in his eyes.

"I can't talk about it yet," he whispered a catch in his voice "need time to get my head around it, you understand?"

She nodded and snuggled in closer to him.

"Yeah I understand."

* * *

><p>It wasn't a film in rewind anymore or dreams or snatches of brief memories. Now it was moving forward in a way that made James' heart ache with the suppressed memories resurfacing. That's why he'd told Hugo that <em>he hoped to god they didn't remember<em>.

But Hugo hadn't been sure about anything.

"_Not like it's been done before James."_

"_And you would risk everything, the Island, living forever on nothing more than chance and hope?" James had questioned the big guy._

_Hugo shook his head sadly. "I don't want to live forever dude, I want to grow old, I want my family back and I want a normal life again."_

_James hadn't known what to say to that. Because he had had that even if he was about to leave everything that mattered to him behind but either way it was over for him. There was no going back. He'd said his goodbyes and that hadn't been easy. _

_After his party was over and everyone had gone home except for Beth and Miles, who'd retired to bed. He'd found Beth in the kitchen, staring sadly and silently out the window. She was a strong woman, sometimes reminding him of an older somewhat chubbier version of Juliet. When he'd first seen her eight years ago, her shoulder length fair hair the exact same colour as Juliet's it had made his breath catch in his throat. But her face had been different, her eyes a much lighter shade of blue. She had one of those laughs that made him smile and she had been easy to talk to. Over the years their relationship had shifted to just friends to something a bit more. He didn't love her in the same way he loved Juliet, he didn't think he'd ever love like that again, but it was the most he'd felt towards another woman since returning from the island. Their relationship was more about companionship. It wasn't complicated. He was honest about how he felt and she was okay with that and preferred it so because learning to trust again wasn't something that came easily for her after her husband had cheated on her._

'_That sense of betrayal Jim isn't something you ever really get over,' she had told him 'I'm not looking for a whirlwind passionate romance, I'm over that, I'm just looking for someone who can be a close friend with maybe a bit of sex thrown in for good measure now and again,' she'd quipped 'but with no strings attached and promise me you will always be honest and true to yourself and me.' _

_That was Beth, up front and it suited him just fine._

_James leant against the bench and gazed into her face._

'_You okay?' he asked._

'_Are you?' she quietly returned._

_Apart from having a continual headache, blurred vision and lacking energy. Since learning the truth a week ago it's as if his body was growing weaker by the day. _

'_Sure,' he lied._

_He could tell she didn't believe him._

'_When are you going to tell Clementine?' she asked her face sad._

_He swallowed the lump in his throat._

'_She has to know sooner or later.'_

_Preferably later, he thought and maybe never because two days from now when he saw Hugo he'd be leaving and never coming back._

_Tears glistened on Beth's eyelashes. 'It isn't fair.'_

'_Life seldom is,' he murmured but at least he had got to live an extra 21 years longer than everyone else of Flight 815 and 21 years longer than Juliet. He had been given a second chance and made amends. Juliet would have wanted that, for him to be a father to Clementine. When and if he ever saw her again he would tell her. _

_Looking at Beth's sad, pained face made his heart constrict. He gently pulled her into his arms._

'_Promise me you'll look after Clementine,' he murmured in her hair._

'_Of course I will, I love her as much as my son.'_

_He kissed the top of her head, smoothing down her hair with his hands._

'_I know you will, she'll be in good hands.'_

* * *

><p>James woke with a start and it took a moment for him to remember where he was. Soft arms held him, a woman's breath warm against his neck. He turned his head and looked at Juliet. She was fast asleep looking peaceful and relaxed. James gave a deep sigh of relief and stared up at the ceiling, just like this morning when he tried to recall the vestige of a dream, his mind drifting to that very last day, on the boat with Hugo just about to undertake the craziest of schemes.<p>

"_Will things be different or will they be the same?" he'd asked Hugo, unable to bring himself to look at the big guy._

_Would he still be the same lowlife conman he'd once been? Would he still make the same mistakes? Would he still meet Juliet?_

_Hugo patted him on the back and grinned._

"_Only one way to find out dude, I guess that's why they call it a leap of faith."_

But it wasn't really a leap of faith. For him there really wasn't any other way. He'd gone back to the island to die where he'd last held Juliet but Hugo and Ben had this other crazy idea.

'_What if we could create an alternative timeline?'_

'_You mean change time?' James scoffed. Hadn't Jack already attempted that and look how badly that had turned out._

'_No time existing parallel, a chance where we could do things differently.'_

'_But what about this time?'_

'_It still exists, just that we will no longer be a part of it.'_

'_Can such a thing even be done?'_

Obviously, James dryly mused. And some things were the same. His father still shot his mother and then himself. His Uncle still died from a brain tumour. He'd grown up in the same town with the same people. But he hadn't been the same conman and he hadn't made the same mistakes, not exactly. Ironically he was now a detective and James froze.

Just like in his novel. He'd based the main character after himself _Detective Jim LaFleur_. Miles had been his partner. Juliet, the mysterious woman who waltzed into his life, a case he was working on and Radinsky, the hard headed Captain that hated his guts for no apparent reason. Of course they had had different names in his novel but they were the people he'd pictured when writing it.

And fuck ... no ... not possible ... was it? How could he now be living in his own novel? Feeling unsettled, James quietly untangled himself from Juliet's arms and went into the bathroom and stared wordlessly at his reflection.

Fuck he was young, was his first thought. No streaks of grey in his hair and the deep lines on his face smoothed out with youth. He was 32, just like in the novel, 32 and disillusioned with life. _Detective LaFleur lived for his work had vowed never to fall in love and get married given what had happened to his parents._ And he was so slim. He lifted up his t-shirt and gazed at his bare torso, the well defined muscles there, running a hand over his stomach.

"You look so amazing and now I'm chubby," Juliet grumbled from the doorway.

He hadn't even heard her approach and he turned to her startled.

"Not fair," she continued, a disgruntled look crossing her face.  
><em>Her ex must have done a real number on her to make her like that; emotionless, drab, cold, and completely unfeminine. It shouldn't bother him but it did.<em>

He had written those words, in his novel, James recalled dazed for a moment. He cleared his throat and looked at her.

"I kind of prefer you this way," he admitted "you look cute when carrying a bit more weight."

Okay wrong thing to say given the not amused look on her face. And now that she remembered it would only be a matter of time before she went on some stupid diet and got skinny again. He wasn't writing the novel anymore. It probably lay on the bottom of the ocean floor bed, unfinished.

"You mean fat," she corrected.

He frowned at her. "Hardly," he scoffed "you wouldn't even know what being fat was."

A puzzled look crossed her face and he'd just slipped up again.

"And you would, with your perfect physique and all."

"It wasn't always perfect and far from it as I got older."

Her frown intensified. Now he'd put his foot in it _again_.

"Let's just say after I got off the Island and returned to the real world I drank a lot, ate a lot and I really didn't give a shit about anything for a while," he muttered.

"You left the Island?" she gasped in disbelief.

Her eyes caught and held his, a question in there depths. James shook his head.

"How old did you get?" she continued looking shell shocked.

"60."

Her face paled, she stumbled. He steadied her with his hands, gazing down into her face, noting the confusion and shock in her eyes.

"Maybe we should talk," he sighed.

* * *

><p>Juliet had time to compose herself during breakfast, sort of, <em>60! <em>He had lived to 60 years of age, and off the Island.

How? Why? A million questions were running through her mind and deep down a nagging thought also _it wasn't fair._ Not that any of that should matter now but still. Her eyes rested on his face. He was sitting there quietly eating cereal in the most robotic fashion, looking deep in thought. She could tell by the frown denting his forehead that he was trying to figure out the best way to tell her what had happened.

"It doesn't matter James, what happened then only that we've found each other again for whatever crazy reason and we are living the same lives over again, only somewhat differently," she was rambling now and she knew it and she was lying. It did matter but in part maybe she was better off not knowing. Ignorance is bliss, as they say, but right now her ignorance and his too had been kind of momentarily shattered.

"Yeah but I know why," he interjected "I know why we are living the same life over again."

Juliet went still and raised puzzled eyes to his. He did?

His jaw clenched, the spoon in his hand hovering halfway between the bowl and his mouth before he lowered it to the table.

"It's figuring out how to tell you," he continued, averting his eyes "it's complicated and some of what I might say could hurt you."

He looked concerned, too concerned.

"Don't tell me you got married and had half a dozen kids," she quipped.

A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth and he shook his head.

"I never married."

Juliet went stock still. Really, he didn't, why? And she didn't know whether to feel relieved about it or not but she mostly felt relief and then guilt. He shouldn't have been alone either.

"Though sometimes it damn well felt like I was married to Miles," he grumbled.

Juliet eyebrows shot up. "Miles escaped too?"

He nodded.

She swallowed.

"Who else?"

He paused for a moment, a distant look crossing his face. "Claire, Richard, Frank Lapidus and Kate."

Kate, naturally, Juliet inwardly fumed for a moment and then berated herself for it. And was that all? What about everyone else? And what about Jack? Curiosity aroused now Juliet really wanted to know what had happened. And some things didn't add up, how did Frank get back to 1977? The last memory she had was of James finding her at the bottom of that mine site. How he managed to get down there she had no idea. She remembered seeing his face before the light faded and she drifted into nothingness.

"Maybe you should start at the beginning James," she murmured "what happened after I hit the bomb?"

"Not what Jack thought would happen," James muttered bitterly "I wanted to kill him but then I figured it was better he live and suffered as much as I was."

Juliet's eyes were riveted on his face, the array of emotions there as if it had just happened.

"So what did happen James?" she prompted.

"We flashed back to the future, to 2007."

Those words were back in her head again _it wasn't fair._ They flashed forward and she died.

"Jack, Hugo and Kate carried Sayid on a stretcher to the temple and ..." his voice broke off there and a pained shadow crossed his face, "Miles helped me bury you."

Maybe James was right and talking about this wasn't a good idea. She abruptly stood up from the table, grabbed her bowl and walked to the sink. She stared out the window the bowl sliding from her cold, stiff hands into the sink. This was crazy. It shouldn't hurt so much hearing him talk about it so why did it? It's not as if it even mattered now.

She heard James chair slide back on the floor, his careful measured footsteps before he stood next to her and she couldn't bring herself to look at him.

"Tell me what you are thinking Juliet?" he murmured softly.

She could hear the concern and worry in his voice and she shut her eyes. No, she couldn't tell him what she was thinking. There were some things that just couldn't be said, not yet.

"What's going to happen to Edmund?"

The question was so out of left field from what they were discussing that it startled James for a moment.

"What?"

Her hands rested on the sink, her head drooping forward so that the ends of her hair fell into a glass filled with water that sat in the sink. Frowning, he pulled her hair out of the cup. This was Juliet's way of wanting to avoid discussing anything that might cause her to lose control and say stuff she'd later regret, James realised. Showing raw emotion wasn't something that came easily for her. He remembered that now. How part of her would shut down and trying to get her to open up was about as easy as getting blood from a stone. She eventually always came around, when she'd gotten her emotions under control, when she could rationalise again.

He could see her knuckles whiten she was gripping the sink that tightly.

"You know Edmund, this time, this life," she muttered, a hint of bitterness in her voice.

James blinked at her harsh reply before quickly pulling himself up. Best not to question her when she got like this.

"He's going to be arrested this morning."

Juliet straightened up, removing her hands from the sink.

"Great I don't want to miss that."

And with those words she promptly walked away and James stood there rooted to the spot for a moment. What the hell was going on with her now? He ran a hand over his face confused. He felt completely wretched in that moment because discussing the memory of burying her, with all the attached emotions wasn't easy. And it was weird too, telling her those things when she was alive and well and sitting right in front of him.

Damn Hugo, they were not supposed to remember despite it being unpredictable.

* * *

><p>Once James got his own emotions in check he returned to the bedroom just as he heard Juliet turn the shower taps off. He waited five minutes before knocking on the bathroom door.<p>

"Juliet?" he called.

No answer. Damn it. He'd had enough of this and opened the door. She stood, a towel wrapped around her, holding the case that contained his contact lenses.

"How come you need glasses all the time now when you didn't before?" she slowly enquired.

James frowned. _Detective LaFleur's only physical flaw was his lousy eyesight. _That's right he'd written that in the novel. He could feel the colour drain from his face. What the fuck?

"You alright James?" he heard Juliet ask and he looked up at her puzzled face "you've gone sort of pale."

"Been that sort of morning," he mumbled, running a hand over the stubble on his chin, his mind buzzing with this latest realization; everything was just like in his damn book and it was freaking him out.

He glanced at Juliet and saw the concern mingled with a hint of sadness in her beautiful eyes. Including her, she was the damsel in distress that needed saving but also the only woman he was going to fall in love with, the only woman who would also ultimately save the _bitter disillusioned man he'd become._

James swallowed the lump in his throat. He took the few steps that separated them, raised both hands and held her face before kissing her on the forehead, breathing in the scent of her shampoo as emotion threatened to swamp him again. He had to hold it together. Juliet wasn't ready to discuss that other time and perhaps neither was he. They needed some time to adjust to the here and now.

"I-I gotta have a shower," he muttered gruffly "and then we are gonna gloat when they arrest your lousy ex-husband Edmund."

* * *

><p>Juliet's eyes rested on James as he drove the car to the hospital. She felt bad for her emotional outbreak this morning or rather her reaction to him talking about what had happened.<p>

He had buried her. That would have been hell for him. She could only imagine how that would feel if the roles had been reversed. She would have fallen apart and unlike James, probably kill Jack. And now she could feel her curiosity returning. She recalled his words _when I returned to the real world I drank a lot, ate a lot and I really didn't give a shit about anything for a while._

Juliet could imagine it. Everything you ever cared about snatched away right before your eyes and being powerless to do anything about it. Sun and Jin must have died on that Island too, along with Jack, Sayid, Hugo and all those other people James hadn't mentioned. It would be awful leaving all those people one cared about behind but how did he get off the Island along with Miles, Claire, Kate and Richard? And what did he do once he returned besides _drinking a lot _and _not giving a shit about anything_? He must have eventually gotten over his grief? Moved on even?

"What did it feel like being 60?" she asked him.

He continued to stare straight ahead at the road, his jaw flexed.

"I didn't really feel any different apart from having more aches and pains," he replied "and a bit of arthritis in my right knee and lower back."

"You didn't go bald?" she continued in a teasing manner, an attempt to lighten the mood.

He smiled and shook his head. "My hair was starting to get grey," he continued gesturing to his head "and I was getting so many damn wrinkles."

A smile hovered at the corners of her mouth.

"I bet you still looked good for your age though."

"I don't know about that, guess we'll find out in another 28 years."

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye and gave her a warm smile. Juliet guessed they would, providing nothing happened to them in the mean time and she suppressed that thought before it had a chance to take hold.

"I hope you didn't spend all of that time alone," she murmured.

"I wasn't alone," he began hesitantly "I had Clementine."

She heard the sudden catch in his throat. He was staring straight ahead again, his jaw clenched and his hands tightened on the steering wheel.

So James had become a father to Clementine after all and that thought warmed her heart. It was something he needed to do and she was glad that he had. Deep down she had always known he would make a great father.

_Just because you're father failed James it doesn't mean you will, I know you, _words she now remembered telling him during Dharma times.

"And Cassidy ...?" she began.

"Hated my guts," he muttered ruefully "but she eventually developed a begrudging respect towards me."

"But she let you see Clementine?"

"Yeah and it was even better when she found another guy and married him because then I got to see a lot more of Clementine. She'd spend every weekend with me, those were good times," he spoke wistfully "watching her grow up ... it kept me grounded."

She looked at him with renewed respect, feeling tender towards him. Yes he would make a great father and just maybe she would have that with him, maybe they could one day have children?

Just maybe they could grow old together. But she couldn't hope, not yet. It was too soon for that. And her thoughts drifted to Rachel. She remembered lying at the bottom of that ditch crying because all she had ever wanted was to go home and now she never would. Turning her head, seeing the bomb there gave her hope. If she could just detonate it and if by chance Jack was right then she could live again.

"Hey Juliet?" James spoke and the memory quickly faded leaving her feeling cold.

She rubbed her arms and looked at him.

"You alright?" he continued, a slight frown denting his forehead.

"Yeah," she sighed and it was on the tip of her tongue to ask him about Rachel when James turned a corner and the hospital came into view. Now wasn't the time. She had to keep her emotions in check.

James quickly glanced at her. She had gone strangely quiet after he'd mentioned Clementine. Had he upset her again? He pulled the car into a parking bay and turned off the ignition.

They sat in silence for a moment. Till he felt Juliet touch his arm. He turned to look at her not at all sure what to expect and hoping she wasn't angry like before but much to his surprise there was a warm, tender expression on her face.

"I'm glad you became a father to Clementine," she murmured and leaning forward she lightly kissed him on the lips.

His heart thudded in his chest. She didn't resent him. Overwhelmingly relieved he deepened the kiss in one long achingly sweet passionate moment before reluctantly pulling back.

"So am I," he sighed into her hair, bringing both arms up around her to pull her closer against him.

Even though there was still so much to be said at least she was beginning to take it better. It would be okay. They would be alright, memories and all.

"Let's go arrest your ex."

"Hmm yes, I can't wait to see his face."

He grinned and exited the car. Just like in his novel. If he was correct he knew what would happen next. He had written it after all.

Turning to face Juliet he took hold of her hand and gave a reassuring smile before glancing at the hospital.

"You ready for this Blondie?"

"The end of a chapter," she breathed.

Quite literally, he dryly mused and squeezed her fingers.


	15. Chapter 15

_****_**A/N: Thanks for all the great reviews last chapter! Hope this chapter lives up to the same standard. Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter 15.<strong>_

They met Miles in the foyer. It seemed damn weird seeing him, now knowing and remembering. James stood there for a moment. Miles still had hair and it wasn't grey yet. He had always been there. The other constant person in his life post Island, he would have been screwed without him.

'_Think ya could slow down Enos.'_

_He always did hate getting in the car with Miles. Normally he did the driving but his eyesight of late had already robbed him of that one simple thing. It was only a downward spiral from here on out._

_Miles was gripping the steering wheel tightly, too tightly. Miles gave him a quick sideways glance and shook his head._

'_I just don't get you. Why the fuck would you want to go back to the island?'_

_James sighed._

'_Ain't really any other choice.'_

'_There are other choices,' Miles retorted._

'_Yeah like you spoon feeding me in a month or so from now,' he muttered dryly 'can't wait for that.'_

_Miles fell silent and James stared out the window. It was going to be hard enough saying goodbye to Clementine as it was without Miles giving him a hard time about the decision he was about to make. _

_He'd watched his Uncle deteriorate from the same type of cancer and James was well aware of what was in store for him. He could have happily lived another ten years or more playing father to Clementine and grandfather to Billy but that was now taken away from him. In hindsight he was lucky enough that he at least had had twenty years._

_And he wanted to go back to the island, wanted to die there. It seemed fitting somehow and Hugo could bury him alongside Juliet. He'd get reunited with her at the very end, even if they were both dead. At least they would be dead, together._

'_I'm going with you,' Miles spoke, breaking the lengthy silence._

_James sat there shocked for a moment._

'_What? Why?' he finally spluttered._

'_Somebody has to look after you,' Miles said in his nonchalant way that James was used to, knew it was an act, Miles pretending he didn't care when he did._

'_Besides it's you and me to the bitter end,' Miles continued and James didn't miss hearing the catch in his voice._

_He felt unusually touched. "Yeah always you and me."_

Was Juliet remembering things like this too? He turned to glance at her and noticed the same dreamy look on her face. Her eyes met his.

"Damn weird huh?" he murmured.

She managed a smile. "You could say that."

Miles approached them, an impatient look on his face.

"You took your time getting here," he remarked.

James had to refrain from hugging the guy.

"Miles," Juliet grinned and hugged him.

James tried not to smile at the sudden flabbergasted look on Miles' face.

Juliet pulled back and Miles seemed lost for words for a moment before regaining his composure.

"Alright then, let's go arrest your ex-hubby and get some revenge."

Miles turned to leave but stopped, glancing at Juliet then James a puzzled look crossing his face.

"What's wrong with you two this morning? Why are you both looking at me like that?"

James shrugged. "Like what?"

"I don't know, like you haven't seen me in years or something," he muttered.

"Always been you and me Enos," James said, patting Miles on the back.

"Let's go stitch up Juliet's prick of an ex-husband."

They began walking down the corridor.

"Why did Juliet hug me?" Miles asked in a low voice so Juliet wouldn't hear.

"She's just happy to see Ed get his just desserts."

"What did you mean Jim when you said it's always been you and me?"

James shrugged, trying to look indifferent.

"Since Police Academy days," he lied.

Funny how that went, he mused, just like he'd written in that damn book of his. They hadn't gotten along then. Miles the wise cracking know-it-all goody two shoes; him always in trouble, a problem dealing with authority and Miles always getting stuck into him about it too. Yeah they had clashed initially but somewhere along the way developed a begrudging respect for each other before becoming best mates.

"You were a pain in the ass then," Miles grumbled.

"And you weren't?" James returned with a wry grin.

Juliet glanced over her shoulder at James and Miles. Had Miles always been by James' side when they left the island? James had referred to as much in what little discussion they had had since him remembering. There was still so much she didn't know and she berated the sudden jealousy she felt _it should have been her_. Get over it Juliet, she chided. It was good he had Miles with him and that he wasn't alone. She shouldn't envy what he had had and what had happened to the others who also left the island, like Kate and Claire?

Did James still see them too? He obviously didn't get with Kate given that he'd told her he'd never married. Juliet was glad about that and sad in a way that she had him figured out wrong. James really had been over Kate and had loved her all along. She had let her doubts and insecurities get the better of her and it'd come with a price, the loss of her own life.

She felt a nervous anticipation take hold. So much had happened in just a few days and now Edmund was about to be arrested and it felt odd. She felt odd and unsure and on edge and a whole myriad of emotions that were doing her head in. And how were they to go about arresting Edmund? Juliet suddenly stopped, causing James and Miles to almost collide with her.

"Whoa there Blondie," James exclaimed, his hands coming to rest on her shoulders to stop her toppling over. Just the simple touch of his hands was enough to make her toes curl. _Let's just run away, you and I, hole up somewhere and talk and talk till everything is sorted and good again and make love and gaze into each other's eyes till I know you are real and this is real. _Juliet shunted the thought.

"How are we going to go about this?" she asked instead.

James eyes rested on her face.

"You just stand back and gloat Blondie whilst Miles and I arrest him, hopefully the prick is in the staff room so we get to arrest him with an audience because that would make it so much sweeter."

"What if he's in his office?"

James glanced at his watch. "It's almost morning tea break and we'll hang out in the staff room. No doubt he'll be along to give ya his usual hard time and cutting remark."

James eyes glowered on that comment for a moment and Juliet shivered. She knew that look well.

"And you'll keep your cool won't you James?"

He took a deep breath. "I'll try."

"Yeah, well you better Jim," Miles interjected "the number of times your hot headed ways nearly screwed things up."

An amused look crossed Juliet's face as they proceeded to the staff room.

"James hot headed?" she lightly quipped "never."

"Not as bad as during Police Academy days," Miles returned over his shoulder "he's mellowed out since then."

"Hmm I'd love to hear about it," she continued giving James a mischievous look.

James rolled his eyes. "Not much to hear," he snorted.

"Oh there's a lot to hear," Miles added as they entered the staff room.

The staff room was empty for a change and Juliet felt relieved. She needed a bit of time to settle her nerves before confronting Edmund. And what better way to do that than talking.

"And it looks like Edmund's not here yet so we have time to discuss it," she said, sitting down at the table and looking up at Miles expectantly.

James shook his head and went to make a coffee. Miles sat down at the table. Miles always did like dishing out the dirt on James' doings. If she ever wanted to find out what James was up to all she ever had to do was ask Miles.

"So you guys did Police Academy training together?" she casually asked and was still finding it hard to picture. Just exactly how did that happen?

"Yep from day one," Miles replied and grinned up at James "we are all sitting there in the recruitment office dressed appropriately, short clean hair, eager and anxious at the same time and then Jim comes waltzing in with his long scruffy hair and goatee wearing tattered old Levi's and a black Metallica tank top, stud ear-ring in his left ear."

"You had an ear-ring?" Juliet interrupted and glanced up at James amused.

James was leaning against the bench, a disgruntled look on his face.

"It was 1990."

"He looked more like a criminal than someone wanting to join the Police force, he stuck out like a sore thumb," Miles added "everyone's jaw fell open and Jim looked around and barked _what the hell are you all gawking at?_"

Juliet giggled.

"And then of all people he sits down right next to me and I looked at him and said _you really going to become a Police Officer?"_

James remembered it well. The prissy goody two shoes, Miles, telling him that he didn't look the part. The same sentiments the Sergeant had, y_ou won't last Ford, re-think your career choices. _Funny thing is the more everyone went on about it the more James was determined he would do it.

"I think the Sergeant just about did a back flip when he saw James," Miles continued "and James managed to step on toes from day one."

"That bastard had it in for me," James muttered.

"Is there anyone in authority you didn't manage to rub up the wrong way?" Juliet asked, smiling.

"Probably not," Miles laughed "he was in trouble every single day, always giving some smart aleck remark to the sergeant, to everyone for that matter."

"Not every day," James scoffed.

"Okay every second day then," Miles continued "and I had to share a room with him and that was a fate worse than being in hell."

James just snorted. It was the other way around. Miles was a regular pain in the ass.

"But I got my own back often enough."

"Like what?" Juliet enquired and he could see she was clearly enjoying this.

"One time I hid his contact lenses, he had to wear his nerdy glasses for a whole week. Man did all the other recruits take the piss out of him."

Yep, shit like that, Miles was always pulling some prank. And James could clearly see the two of them were having fun at his expense as usual, just like in Dharma days. The more he thought about it, the more James came to the conclusion that not that much had really changed. Different setting, different location but the same people and that somehow felt very reassuring.

"You have any photos?" Juliet asked Miles.

"I probably do, I'll see if I can find some."

He would too, find photos, Miles was a hoarder, kept every single bit of memorabilia from his life.

'_Why do you have so much shit in your apartment?'_

'_It's not shit,' Miles would protest 'this stuff means something to me.'_

_James picked up a sporting award from the mantle._

'_You played football?'_

'_Just for one year, I sucked at it.'_

'_So why do you keep this then?'_

'_I don't know, I just like it,' Miles paused for a moment, a reflective look crossing his face 'reminds me of the life I've lived.'_

Odd thing to say, James mused but it all made sense now. Miles did have a life, still had his parents unlike the previous time.

'_What are ya dreaming of Enos?' he asked._

_Miles was leaning over the railing of the boat, staring into the dark clouds beginning to amass around the island._

'_Nothing.'_

'_Nothing, sounds riveting,' James remarked and stood next to him, resting his hands on the railing._

'_If this works what would you want different if ya got a second chance at life?'_

'_Everything, I would do everything differently,' Miles admitted 'and have a family, parents, the white picket fence, a good upbringing.'_

'_And a happily ever after,' James added sarcastically._

_Miles turned to face him. 'Can't all be as jaded as you Jim.'_

'_I'm too old for that now,' James snorted. Being a father had smoothed out his so called rougher edges. _

_Miles gave him a thoughtful look._

'_I'd like to be a police detective, just like in your book, you and I partners. That would be interesting, fun.'_

'_Me, a police detective,' James laughed 'really can't see that happening.'_

'_Why? You wrote it in your book.'_

'_Yeah but that's just a book,' he muttered 'it ain't real.'_

'_Funny but out of all the things you could have written Jim, why a police detective,' Miles continued 'maybe it's really wishful thinking on your part, maybe deep down that's what you wanted to be.'_

_Damn Miles, really was far too astute._

'_Maybe,' he sighed, gripping the railing tightly 'but that's not what happened.'_

_They both stood there in silence, watching the clouds darken. _

'_What about you Jim?' Miles asked, breaking the silence 'what do you want?'_

_James took a deep breath. 'I just want to find Juliet, I just wanna have a chance at life with her, like the life we could have had, should have had.'_

'_I hope you get it.'_

_He didn't dare hope though. Losing people close to you did that. Hell maybe he really was too jaded as Miles had said._

His eyes rested on Juliet. She looked happy, amused and seemed to take much delight in Miles' exaggerated description of events from their Police Academy days. Maybe it was about time he set it all straight and give his side of things instead of Miles distorted version. But just as he was about to sit down and join the merry circle Edmund walked into the staff room and the light moment vanished as quickly as it had started.

Reality sunk in. It was time to arrest Juliet's ex-husband. The amusement vanished from Juliet's eyes. She paled slightly.

Edmund looked from him, to Juliet before his eyes rested on Miles.

"Who are you?" he demanded.

Miles stood up and pulled the badge from his pocket.

"LAPD Detective Miles Straume."

Edmund looked at the badge and frowned.

"Are you here to arrest him?" he gestured in James direction.

"No I'm here to arrest you," Miles returned.

Disbelief crossed Edmund's face and James wished he had a camera.

"You what?" Edmund spluttered.

Miles unclipped a pair of handcuffs from his belt.

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney during interrogation; if you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you."

"For what am I being arrested?" Edmund demanded.

"Your ex-wife ratted you out," James stated, walking over to Edmund and staring him straight in the eye.

"Y-You ... but you're ..."

"Detective James Ford at your service," James grinned.

It felt good.

Edmund's eyes hardened.

"I've been working under cover with Juliet. She came to us and told us what you were planning to do and as you know you've now committed a federal offence, extortion in the form of illicit financial flow of monies also known as Money Laundering, which is a criminal offence that Legislation, contained at Section 1956 of Title 18 of the United States Code, prohibits individuals from engaging in a financial transaction, passing money from one person to another, so long as it is done with the intent to disguise the source, ownership, location or control of money is still a financial transaction under law."

Juliet was impressed. Up until now she hadn't seen him actually play cop. And he was good at it, just like he'd been good at being Head of Security on the island.

"You were the con Ed," James continued and gave a smug smile "Juliet trumped you."

Edmund averted his eyes to her, eyes mingled with hate and disgust. He pushed past James and approached her.

"You bitch, you scheming lying little whore!"

He raised a hand to hit her but James was too quick, grabbed him roughly by the collar of his shirt and shoved him hard against the wall.

"You ever lay a finger on her again and it'll be the last thing you do," he hissed.

Juliet was momentarily transfixed by the anger in James' eyes. She was almost expecting him to start laying into Edmund, the old James would have but he stepped back and glanced at Miles.

"He's all yours, cuff him."

He'd learnt self control this time around, though judging by the dark look in his eyes he was still finding it hard.

"You won't get away with this," Edmund ranted as Miles put the hand cuffs on him "I've got money and good lawyers."

"Maybe but your credibility won't be worth a damn and even if you're lucky enough to only get a year in prison it's still enough to annul your contract with Juliet," James spoke, calmly, slowly "you don't own her anymore and you never will again, she's free of you."

Edmund glared at James with something akin to hatred causing Juliet to shiver.

"You'll pay for this," Edmund coldly stated as Miles pulled him out of the staff room "I'll make sure of it."

Maybe, James mused but it would be a while and he couldn't see it happening, prison would sort Edmund out and he had contacts in there after all. He might just have to make some calls. Make sure Edmund gets the rough treatment.

He felt Juliet touch his arm and he turned around to face her, seeing the worry in her eyes.

"He means it," she spoke "I know him."

James shrugged. "Don't worry we'll see to it he gets hit by a bus once he's released from prison," he quipped.

Juliet managed a faint smile and James felt perplexed, why didn't she look happier.

"You wanna follow him down the hall of shame as all of his colleague's watch him being led? I made Miles take the long route out so enough people will see him handcuffed and humiliated."

She shook her head. James frowned.

"I thought you wanted to gloat?"

"I'm just relieved it's all over."

He pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head, enjoying the feel of holding her, her breath warm against his neck.

"I wish you hadn't seen me like this," she mumbled in the collar of his shirt.

He pulled back and looked at her confused. "What do you mean?"

"At my lowest, my sad, sorry life," she stammered her cheeks reddening.

He cupped her face with both hands.

"Juliet you have no idea what sad and sorry is, you should have seen me after I came back from the island, now that was a pitiful sight."

She managed a shaky smile. "Really?"

"Hell yeah, I barely left the apartment Miles and I shared for the first year."

A small frown dented her forehead.

"So what did you do for that year?"

He ran a hand up the back of his neck, looking somewhat sheepish.

"Watched television, a lot of television, mostly re-runs of Little House on the Prairie."

Juliet's smile widened. She could just picture it too.

"Between drinking excessive amounts of alcohol and living on mostly takeaway food," he added.

"Then what?"

"Then I became a bona-fide couch potato."

She grinned. "You already were that," she teased.

"Funny," he grinned in return and brushed a thumb over her chin "I stacked on the weight," he admitted.

Juliet couldn't imagine it and he was just saying that to make her feel better.

"I doubt it."

"Let's just say Blondie I would have fitted right in with the local biker gang," he quipped "in fact I think Miles suggested it at one stage, in an attempt to get me doing something constructive again."

Juliet smiled and shook her head. He took her hand in his.

"C'mon lets go see Ed do the walk of shame."

She could hardly refuse him now and her curiosity was aroused. She wanted to know more about his post island life.

"Did Miles really suggest you join the local biker gang?" she asked as they walked down the corridor.

James laughed. "Yes."

She glanced sideways at him.

"I hadn't had a haircut for a whole year," he explained "or even shaved that often," he continued ruefully "it wasn't a pretty sight."

Juliet still couldn't imagine it.

"But you got better?"

"I could hardly see Clementine looking like some slob, I didn't want to freak the kid out so yeah I got a haircut and shaved and cleaned up my act somewhat."

"Somewhat?"

He stopped and turned to look at her, his eyes hooded. "After everything that had happened, it took many years to get over it." There was a hint of colour in his cheeks as if he was ashamed of that moment in time. "I was a basket case, so you don't have to feel embarrassed about the state of your own affairs."

Juliet gave him a searching glance but obviously, he was.

"Neither should you."

He gave a rueful half smile and shook his head. Damn but she was far too astute at times. He glanced over in the direction of Miles.

"Seems Ed is drawing a crowd," he remarked, glad for the distraction.

Discussing anything from that other life time was a lot harder than he thought it would be. Because with the memories also came the attached emotions and feelings that James hadn't expected.

It really shouldn't matter now, should it? Damn the memories. And it seemed he had a lot to be ashamed about in that other life. Even if he had gotten it right towards the end there were so many years he'd screwed up and so many people he'd screwed over.

He returned his gaze to Juliet and found her quietly assessing him. She knew it all anyway, except for what happened on island after she'd died. She didn't know about that, the mistakes he'd made and the lives it had cost.

He swallowed the sudden lump in his throat and lifting a hand to her hair, he brushed some strands off her face.

"Why are you not gloating Juliet?" he asked, curious, she should be happy not sad.

She rubbed her arms.

"I don't feel free yet," she admitted "maybe after the court case and Edmund's in prison, maybe then I'll believe it."

He wanted to hold her but that wouldn't be wise in plain view of everyone.

"I should help Miles," he muttered, tearing his gaze away from hers, "I'll see you down at the station."

She just nodded and turning away he quickly met up with Miles. Edmund, the jerk, still managed to hold his head high. He turned a shrewd glance in his direction making James feel like punching him.

"Seems you and my wife Jules really do have a thing for each other," Edmund casually remarked.

James clenched his fist.

"Ex-wife," he muttered and was glad to see the foyer doors come into view.

"She was so naive," Edmund continued "when I married her, she used to idolise me, would do anything I asked."

"Guess she came to her senses," James returned, calmly, though he felt anything but.

"Took years," Edmund smirked "the amount of women I made out with directly in front of her and still she stayed with me."

_Remain calm _James inwardly chided _he's just messing with ya head._

"Then she became dowdy, boring," Edmund continued as they stepped outside "I literally made sure she'd become a former shadow of herself, rob her of any sense of self worth."

Sick bastard, James silently muted and clenched his fist again.

"And it worked, I controlled her."

"You did," James returned, with a strained smile "but not anymore."

Edmund just looked him over in that smug way of his.

"You might be her so called knight in shining armour but remember this Jim," Edmund smirked "the amount of times I fucked her over makes her damaged goods and that's what you're getting."

It really was too much for James to bear and a blinding white rage caused spots to swim before his eyes.

He yanked the police car door open.

"Get in," he growled.

It took all of his self control not to bite back, not to punch Edmund's smug face in. Miles shoved Edmund into the car and James slammed the door shut, taking a deep breath.

"Man that guy is a piece of work," Miles said with a whistle "how did Juliet ever end up marrying him?"

Because he'd written it in his damn novel, actually re-wrote it. Juliet had married him for real in that other life. And why did she stay so long with that bastard, why did she put up with the way he treated her? He'd never understand that.

* * *

><p>By the time they reached the station, James' rage was that palpable and he had to release it somehow. Seeing as Edmund's face wasn't an option, he punched the mirror in the rec room, welcoming the sharp sudden pain in his knuckles.<p>

"James," Juliet admonished "what are you doing?"

"Taking out my frustrations," he grimaced.

He shut his eyes and shook his head, trust her to walk in and catch him in the act. He's the one that's supposed to hold it all together, right? His eyes opened and she was now standing directly in front of him, looking worried and concerned. She lightly took hold of his injured hand and looked down at it. The touch of her fingers was soothing and he could feel the anger begin to dissipate.

"You should put an ice pack on it," she spoke "reduce the swelling."

"It's fine," he mumbled, feeling silly for his outburst.

"You mind telling my why you punched the mirror?" she lightly asked, her eyes curious "you having a bad hair day or something?" she quipped.

He managed a brief smile. "Nah, I can sum it up in one word, Edmund."

Just mentioning the prick's name made him agitated.

"Hmm he has that effect on people." Juliet replied calmly.

"Yeah he likes to talk."

"I hope you didn't let him get to you?" she quickly said.

"Not that I let him see it," he sighed, but those words he'd uttered still rankled him "he has a way with words."

And Juliet had put up with that prick for years, why? Why did she stay with him for so long? He wanted to ask her about it but now was neither the time nor place and given the way her face paled it was best they didn't discuss the bastard at all.

"Do you have an ice pack here?" she asked.

"In the freezer by the window."

He watched her walk over to the fridge, not knowing what to say and damn well wishing she hadn't caught him in the act of punching the mirror.

"Ford," Radinsky bellowed and James turned around to see him enter the rec room and his heart sank. Now wasn't a time James wanted to deal with him either.

"Where the hell have you been?"

"With Miles, arresting Juliet's ex-husband," he sighed in reply.

James glanced at Juliet and given the expression on her face she had recognised Radinsky.

Obviously she was remembering the day Radinsky had beaten him up. Radinsky barely gave Juliet a passing glance. His social skills were woeful.

"Well now that the case is over, you can start work at 0800 hours tomorrow," Radinsky ordered "you need to report to Deirdre, she's going to be your new partner."

"Deirde," James spluttered pulling a face and looking ill pleased "the dragon lady, terrific."

Trust fucking Radinsky to lumber him with her or all people, the guy really did have it for him.

"You got uniforms?"

"Somewhere in my cupboard."

He always kept them on hand because Radinsky was apt for demoting him a couple of months ever now and again.

Radinsky glanced at the mirror and then James' hand.

"That'll be coming out of your pay."

James clenched his jaw and kept his mouth shut.

"Make sure you're not late tomorrow," Radinsky continued and with that he walked out.

James stood there feeling pissed off all over again.

"He's still just as awful as always," Juliet said beside him.

He turned to her and she placed the icepack on his knuckles.

"Some things don't change."

"I still hate him," she admitted.

So did he!

Juliet frowned and gave him a quizzical look. "Radinsky is your boss?" she asked "how did that happen?"

"Because I wrote it in my damn fucking novel."

Her frown deepened.

"What novel?"

He sighed. "It's a long story, I'll tell ya about it later tonight."

"That's a bit rough of him demoting you just as you solved my case."

"Since when has Radinsky ever been fair?"

Juliet managed a smile. "True." Then her face hardened. "I still haven't forgotten how much and how hard he beat you that day."

James raised a hand and touched her face, his thumb brushing across her bottom lip.

"I still haven't forgotten how Phil hit you and how much I wanted to kill the little prick."

"Don't tell me he work's here too?"

James shook his head. "No." No way did he envision Phil when writing that damn novel.

"Some people should remain dead."

* * *

><p>After giving her statement and leaving the station, Juliet felt exhausted, emotionally spent. Everything still seemed surreal. For a moment she longed for the light bantering she had with Miles and James about their police academy days, as it helped her forget the here and now. Not that the present was bad, just her emotional state seemed fragile. Too many conflicting feelings all at once, happy, sad, angry, jealous and she just wanted it to stop. She wanted to feel, well normal. And every time she looked at James the myriad of emotions hit hard. She was overjoyed, she was scared and she just wanted to look at him all of time and pinch herself to make sure this was real.<p>

James stayed back at the station, told her he would be over in an hour or so.

Juliet felt restless and tried to busy herself with tidying up, but the apartment was already spick and span from her rigorous cleaning spree of yesterday. Maybe she should have a glass of wine, to steady her nerves but it wasn't even midday yet, too early for drinking wine. There was left over pizza in the fridge. She could eat that. And how much longer till James visited. It had been an hour. And was that all? How was it that the hour passed so slowly? She was going mental at this rate. She just wanted James here, with her and not let him out of her sight. Great now she was going be bloody possessive. And add paranoid to that as well.

Juliet heated up the pizza and sat down. She picked up a piece of pizza and scowled at it. Ugh soggy pizza, bad idea heating it up in the microwave.

She needed to go shopping and buy some food, the cupboards were bare. Eating pizza wasn't good for the waist line. But it was food and she was hungry and she was going to damn well eat it. Who cared. James didn't seem to mind her chubby. And what did he mean by 'because I wrote it in the damn novel'. Did he write a novel? He could have. She really knew very little, as of yet, about his post island life.

Except for that first year, him watching Little House on the Prairie all day long and how much was he drinking then? _I was a basket case_ she tried to imagine it so. If tables had been reversed she would have been as well. And did he really never leave the house? And what prompted him to get better?

_After everything that had happened, it took many years to get over it _many years, how many? What else had happened on that island? How had everyone else died ... and Jack?

Juliet stood up, picked up the now empty plate and placed it in the sink. She glanced at the digital clock. Damn but now it had only been one hour and ten minutes.

Why wasn't James back? She still didn't even know how he'd gotten off the island yet and there were so many questions to be asked.

She should ring Rachel and tell her about Edmund's arrest. With everything that had happened in the last few days Juliet hadn't even thought of Rachel. She fumbled through her bag for her mobile phone just as there was a loud knock on the door, startling her.

It had to be James. She flew to the front door and pulled it open. It was him and she flung herself into his waiting arms. His lips were on hers, passionate, almost feverish. Really they were making out on her front door step like a pair of love sick teenagers. He was pulling her closer to himself, his hands roaming over her body and it felt so good. Those hundred questions she wanted to ask vanished in the heat of the moment. The way he touched her, kissed her so achingly familiar. Her hands ran up his chest. He trailed kisses down her neck, his hands ploughing through her hair.

"We should ..." she began but not getting any further as his lips claimed hers again.

Really they should perhaps move into the house and away from the front doorstep and preferably to her bedroom. Her hands roamed up his neck, her fingers entwining with the short strands of his hair, which were even shorter and where did his hair go? She pulled back startled and looked at him.

"What happened to your hair?" she gasped.

It seemed to take him a moment to grasp what she'd said.

"Hell girl, great timing," he remarked "you stopped to ask me that in the middle of making out?"

"You caught me by surprise."

A bemused expression crossed his face as he shook his head.

"Yeah well I ain't got much choice about this," he gestured to his hair "I have to go out on the beat tomorrow and that means having hair at Police regulation length."

"But it's so short," she whined.

"It'll grow back, when Radinsky decides to let me go back to being a detective," he sighed.

Radinsky again and the questions were back.

"Like your novel?"

She saw the sudden hesitation in his eyes. Did he become a writer? What did he do for those twenty odd years off island besides being a father to Clementine?

"Did you write a novel?"

He nodded. "I wrote several actually."

His answer stumped her for a moment. He wrote books!

"And they were published?"

A slight smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

"Yeah and I made good money from it."

Juliet took a moment to process this information. James wrote books. James had a life after all and she bit down on her lip. Now wasn't the time to start getting resentful again.

"You said something weird at the station," she began, "you inferred that you'd written Radinsky, I'm assuming, in your novel."

He sighed, took hold of her arm and led her inside, closing the front door behind him.

"I didn't actually write Radinsky in the novel, just that I pictured him when writing that character."

James raked a hand through his hair, making it stick up now it was shorter and she hid a smile at the sight.

"So I take it these novels are to do with time travelling sci-fi crazy adventures about a mysterious island," she lightly quipped.

He managed a smile and shook his head.

"No they were a detective series."

Juliet froze and her eyes widened as it slowly began to sink in. Just like now. How was that possible?

"Who else did you write?" she asked in a wooden voice.

"Miles was my partner," he muttered.

Raising a hand he lightly caressed her cheek.

"You were my damsel in distress, the only woman I would fall in love with."

This had to be a joke, right? He was just fooling with her, wasn't he? But judging by the disturbed look on his face he had to be telling her the truth.

"I tried to recall everything you told me about your life before you went to the island, everything you'd mentioned about your lousy ex-husband and I fashioned my character exactly like you, gave her your story, your life and I even gave her your name. Hell it wasn't as if anyone would put two and two together, unlike with me and Miles."

Juliet just stared at him wordlessly. Her ears were ringing.

"And Rachel told me stuff ..."

"You saw Rachel?" she gasped.

The jealousy and resentment returned in full force.

"Yes," he murmured, his hand falling to his side.

She swallowed and looked away from his concerned gaze. He got to see Rachel, it wasn't fair!

"And she was alright?" she managed to get out through stiff lips.

"Yes."

"And Julian?"

"Cute kid, not that he's a kid anymore."

"You talk about it as if it were just the other day," she muttered unable to mask the bitterness in her voice.

His eyes lowered but not before she saw the guilt there. She should feel bad for him but she didn't. She couldn't. Not right now.

"Feels like it was," he murmured.

The sudden rage she felt wasn't something she had expected, the want to lash out at him. She turned around to confront him.

"Yet you got to survive," she hissed "you always survive!"

He flinched as if she'd struck him and the reality of the words she'd just uttered sunk in. How could she say that to him? Suddenly mortified she tore her gaze away from his pained face. It really was too much to bear and she quickly turned away, walked silently to the window and gazed out, trying to reign in the turbulent emotions. There was no point in taking any of this out on James. Just because he got to survive when so many people hadn't. Just because he got to do those things she'd always dreamed of. Tears blurred her vision.

"I'm getting a drink," James finally spoke in a weary voice and she heard his footsteps echo into the kitchen.

What did any of this matter now? Why did she feel so angry and sad at the same time? She hated feeling this way. So what if James had gotten off the island and seen Rachel, it was another lifetime and they had the here and now, making these stupid emotions so unnecessary. Juliet angrily wiped the tears that trickled down her cheeks. Just snap out of it, she silently chided. What had happened to her might not have been fair but neither was it fair of her to punish James for it.

Sighing she turned around. Where did he go? He said something about getting a drink. Making her stiff legs move she walked to the kitchen and found him sitting at the table. He had a glass in one hand, a bottle of whiskey sat on the table. This was so typically James. This is what he did when he felt unable to deal with things.

He didn't look up, just gestured to the bottle.

"Have a drink Blondie," he muttered, his voice was flat but she could sense the churning undercurrent of rage inside of him.

"It's a bit early in the day for whiskey," she slowly replied.

"Not really," he muttered "never too early."

And as if to prove this to her he picked up the bottle and poured another generous amount of whiskey into his glass. She felt like ripping the bottle out of his hand. _What are you doing _she felt like demanding _why are you doing this? Talk to me _but he sat there in silence _why wouldn't he look at her. _And Juliet had no idea on what to say to him, to make amends for her words. The silence stretched out and she couldn't bear it any longer.

"I'm sorry James," she murmured at last.

His hand clenched the glass tightly. "You were only stating the truth."

She felt like screaming at him, his sudden aloofness frustrating her.

"Just spit it out James," she finally snapped "talk to me!"

His jaw flexed. He looked up at her and she was rocked by the raw emotions in his eyes.

"You think I wanted this Juliet," he muttered in a harsh voice "you think I wanted to survive! You think for a moment that a day didn't go by where I could escape the guilt no matter how many times I drank myself into oblivion."

He drank himself into oblivion ... and every day. She sunk down onto the chair unable to look away from the pained shadows in his eyes.

"I'm responsible for Jin dying, I was the one to convince who there was left to escape the island via the sub, only to find the bomb on it and I didn't listen to Jack and I should have because if I had the sub would never have blown up. Sayid got to be heroic, he grabbed the bomb and ran to the other end of the sub to give the rest of us a chance at surviving and naturally I fucking survived, didn't I, and Jin and Sun died on that sub when it should have been me."

Juliet sat there, shell shocked. Jin had been like part of their makeshift little family during Dharma days. She blinked back the tears. Her heart ached for him.

He raised the glass to his lips and took a long swig. She noticed the slight tremor in his hand as he lowered the glass to the table. His stormy gaze met hers.

"Don't pity me Juliet."

"I won't," she murmured "if you won't."

His shoulders slumped.

"Wise ass." But there was no recrimination in his voice.

Getting up from the table, Juliet reached for the bottle of whiskey and the glass in his hand.

"You don't need this James," she softly said.

Much to her relief he relinquished his hold on the glass and she moved it away. Her hand then clasped his and she tugged on it.

"Come with me."

He sighed wearily. "Why?"

"I need you, please."

He nodded and rose from the chair.

Juliet led him to the bedroom. Once there she turned to him and began to unbutton his shirt.

"What are you doing?"

"Sex James," she returned with a smile "it always did get you out of your misery, and I'm sure that hasn't changed."

He gave a low brief chuckle and she took that as a good sign.

"I think we've talked enough for the time being," she continued and pressed her lips against his.

He deepened the kiss, his hands coming to rest on her hips before moving up to circle her breasts.

It wasn't long before their gentle exploration of each other became heated. This was the best way to deal with everything that had happened, getting lost in each other's touch, Juliet mused. It would be okay, they had each other now.

"Nothing else matters," she murmured in his ear "forever trusting who we are."

James slowly pulled back to gaze at her.

"So close no matter how far, couldn't be much more from the heart, forever trusting who we are, and nothing else matters."

She smiled slowly at his confounded expression.

"They're lyrics."

"Metallica," she added "Miles said you wore a tank top with Metallica on it."

He smiled, looking impressed. "How do you know those lines?"

"Hmm you're not the only one who likes Metallica James."

He looked at her in disbelief.

"Those words are so fitting right now, don't you think?"

Her hand rested on his chest and she felt the thudding of his heart. His hands cupped either side of her face.

"You're amazing," he breathed, the warmth in his eyes making her toes curl.

"Sometimes," she grinned.

He grinned in return before lowering his mouth to hers in a long heart stopping passionate kiss. It wasn't long before he dispensed of her clothes, before they found the bed, before they lost each other in their love making, shutting the world out.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thanks for reading! I hoped you all enjoyed it. There should be another one or two chapters to go. Special thanks to Eyeon for helping me edit this chapter. You are the best!**


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